Caricature/Cartoon – Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook’s IPO – Why Should he be the One?

It’s easy to awe this caricaturist. You just need to be a Leonardo Da Vinci, an Albert Einstein, a Steve Jobs, or a Mark Zuckerberg.

Presenting Mark Zuckerberg, the coder who decoded our lives by creating Facebook and in the process became one of the most talked about people in the world of business.

Caricature – Cartoon of Mark Zuckerberg, the Initial Investors, and the Facebook IPO (Actual Size: 8.5 inches x 11 inches) Copyrighted Image – Please don’t use without permission.

Mark Zuckerberg’s Biography (based on information “leaked/sold” by Facebook?)

When Mark was born on May 14, 1984, people around the world saw their walls disappear. They suddenly found themselves sharing their most private moments with the world. Though this phenomenon lasted only a few seconds, many thought that it foretold the future of Mark Zuckerberg and the world. Accordingly to my sources, Zuckerberg’s childhood was uneventful except for the sudden flashes of brilliance that he let escape. When he was little (well, he still is – perhaps, when he was littler,) his dad engaged a computer tutor for him. The tutor tells us the Little Mark was a child-prodigy (note – he has superior mathematical, logical, and linguistic intelligences.) Little Mark loved to make computer games and applications.

Around 2001, Mark built the Artificially intelligent Synapse Media player that could figure out the listener’s musical preferences. As it usually happens in cases such as these – the biggies came treasure-hunting. Both Microsoft and AOL tried buying it from the kid – but the kid said “NO!” Now that’s another thing that I like in this guy – his ability to say NO to something that looks so obviously appetizing. It requires significant willpower…no?

Anyway, in 2002, Mark joined Harvard. Here he made a couple of other networking applications including Facemesh in which students could choose the hotter male/female from two pictures (according to the movie, The Social Network, he did this to spite his girlfriend who had fallen out with) – this met with some disapproval, perhaps from those who were voted down in the hotness race. Undaunted, Mark went on to create Facebook, which was launched Feb 4, 2004. The rest, of course, is history.

Mark’s Personal Life:

Mark lives in Palo Alto, California – with his girlfriend Priscilla Chan and his dog-friend Beast (beast? He looks like a soft-toy!). Mark’s New Year resolution for 2012 is that he’s going to code every day of the year. Now that resolution makes the caricaturist rather sentimental. I really admire programmers! (not the code-lifters – so if you’ve been lifting code from the web or from the books, and you call yourself a coder, don’t start sending me love-notes and flowers. Also note that I’ve had my share of those goodies about half-a-century ago – so scat!)

The Social Network – The Movie

I think that the essence of what I feel about Zuckerberg (and also about Steve Jobs) is:
“You don’t get to 500 Million Friends without making a Few Enemies.”

While the movie (with Jesse Eisenberg playing Zuckerberg) has colored people’s perception of Zuckerberg and Facebook, the movie may have painted a picture of Zuckerberg far more colorful (and dirty?) than he actually is. According to Mark Zuckerberg, “this is my life, so I know it’s not so dramatic.”

About Facebook’s IPO

When you read this post, the Facebook IPO for the retail investor must either be a few hours away or it must’ve already hit the stock market. Facebook’s Initial Public Offering was priced at USD 38.00 a share (the price at which it was offered to the institutional buyers) and it is expected to raise 16 Billion! It is expected that the Facebook share may debut on the stock market at a much higher price. While there’s a flurry of expectation in the market, everything mightn’t be going right for Facebook. The fact that General Motors has decided to pull its advertisements out of Facebook is being touted about and some say that this may spark off a trend, which obviously could result in Facebook’s revenues going downhill. However, I think that Facebook must have some plans of using the cash it’d generate from the IPO, and with Mark back at the keyboard (I know, I know – whether he’d be a good CEO of such a big company is something that’s being debated), we may see some new stuff coming out of the Facebook menagerie.

Facebook Privacy Concerns

There have been concerns that Facebook sells the personal information of its users to advertisers and companies (and perhaps, even to the government.) When Mark was 19, he sent an email in which he bragged about how he could share the information of thousands of students, if he chose to do so. And then other emails have been leaked too – some more recently. Surprisingly, we have come to know about a lot of bad-stuff only after the IPO was announced. The point to note here is that despite such concerns we aren’t able to wean ourselves away from Facebook…why? Are we zombies?

Warning: You are perilously close to reading explosive stuff. Read further only if can handle your emotions and promise that you won’t break my blog, in a fit of misdirected rage.

The Caricaturist’s Personal Opinion on Zuckerberg and Facebook!

The caricaturist thinks that:

1. being a genius doesn’t make you a robot and that only robots can be perfect (if at all.) Ego, greed, and genius, they are all human traits – and to expect that one who built a multi-Billion dollar company will be immune to these foibles only because he built a multi-Billion dollar company, is sheer stupidity.
2. there’s no free lunch. Only fools would expect an organization to provide us “social networking” for free. If we want to post our most personal thoughts and experiences to social-networking sites, we are the ones who are delusional. What does a site like Facebook has, that it can sell? It can sell focused advertisements – and how can the companies focus the ads on us? By knowing about us. Google does it all the time – except that makes those connections on its own. LinkedIn openly sells our details. What’s wrong with Facebook doing it? Nothing. Except that some dis-satisfied soul who either couldn’t convince MZ to part with his F/B stock, or whose mom perchance wasn’t greeted by MZ, decided to set a spark, which was blown up into a blazing fire by the media.
3. there’s nothing wrong with Zuckerberg. We’ve got a child prodigy here, who did such stuff at 22 that we couldn’t at 44 or at 66! Let us face it – we hate prodigies unless they are ours, or we ourselves are one of them. Even if we were prodigies ourselves, we hate the successful prodigies because they had opportunities that we didn’t. So when we look at Mark Z, we exclaim, “Hey, he may be brilliant, but he’s a shallow human being,” “He’s selling our information, he’s making money using our information,” or as one of the CNN anchors put it, “he’s selling you, he’s selling me, he’s selling our information.” And yet, we are same people who are responsible for all this action and…if at all…the over-pricing of the Facebook stock.

 

Toony Pretzels – Understanding Theory: To Save or to Practice – That is the Question!

Theory

The term “Theory” is defined as:  Fundamental or abstract principles underlying a science or an art.

It’s time for a reality check. We need to know whether the doctor who’d be cutting us open, studied in a medical school with a lab and got some practice…or whether he got that degree online…or did he just buy it off the shelf?

• Want a Fake Medical Degree? Mr. Arora should be able to help you out.
• Don’t want to waste your time in a Medical College? Check out this page here.

 

Definition of Art…The Practical Standpoint!

Long ago I wrote a post in which I attempted to define art, purely from a theoretical and also idealistic viewpoint. You can read “Definition of art – A Theoretical Standpoint” here. In that post I had promised that one-day I would write its sequel, which would present the practical viewpoint. This is that post.

Warning:

• If you are a budding artist, full of hope and brimming with confidence that you’d follow in Hussain’s or Raza’s footsteps, step back now. Don’t read this post. You can come back to read it after you’ve spent at least a decade trying to figure out whatever the heck didn’t work for you. It isn’t for you.
• If painting is your only skill, and if you’ve got some surety that you’ll have someone to support your artistic pursuits all your life, without of course, expecting success in return (you know about Van Gogh, I presume) still this post isn’t for you. You might yet become what you aspire to be.
• And finally, if you are indeed someone who comes from a well-connected family, even if you don’t draw, I’d recommend that you paint a few canvasses. The exhibitions, the fame, and even the sale of your paintings; they’ll all happen without your ever discovering why.

However, if you aren’t among the three types listed above, instead you are the more common type (the stereotypical struggling, starving artist who has crossed into his thirties and has a wife and a child to fend for,) you might want to print this post and tack it to your soft-board…or in the more realistic scenario of your not being able to afford a soft-board, you must fold the printout and put it in the only pocket of your trousers that still doesn’t have holes.

Here’s the practical definition of Art.

Art – A Practical Definition:

Art is what sells at the famous art galleries for sky-high prices.

Practically speaking art is nothing more than this.

How you get to sell your art in those famed galleries could be a matter of:

1. Luck
2. Slog
3. Both
4. The X-factor

Let me explain the above four points in greater detail.

Art Element 1: Luck

You’ve got this fabulous collection of innovative work, and you are wondering how to exhibit it. You get a call from someone who’s seen your work, admired it; and who knows someone who is somebody in the artistic circles. This person comes to your studio, checks out your work, swoons, and decides to exhibit your work in a prominent gallery. Voila! Lady Luck has short-listed you. Now your chances are bright that you’d indeed get lucky.

I’d put your chances that you’d turn lucky at about 1 in 10,000

Art Element 2: Slog (Euphemistically known as Hard Work.)

You’ve got this fabulous collection of artwork, and you lug it around to every gallery, famous, not famous, and infamous; show your work to every body from the doorkeeper to the owner, and you get the boot.  Then one gallery decides to give you a group-show. You don’t sell anything. Then the next year you lug your work around to every gallery – finally, you get a group show, and you sell one painting. Every year the number grows. After 10 years, you get your first solo, and you sell one painting. You go on doing solos. The number of paintings sold grows. Then when you turn 75, you’ve got a 50% sellout! Wow! You are an artist!

You can now tell your family that finally it’s your turn to take care of the expenses. You can now also tell your elder brother that he needn’t send you that Dole-the-Family-Artist check every month.

Art Element 3: The Combination of Slog and Luck

Now if you work hard and you get your solo in a year and a sellout in 10 years; you are a lucky slogger. Chances that you become a “real” artist who earns his bread, butter, mayonnaise…and then later his house and car, in this way – Better than pure luck, worse than only slog. Somewhere in the middle, if you ask me.

But if you’ve got that magical x-factor, then…before I kill the surprise, let me tell you about the x-factor.

Art Element 4: The X-Factor!

The x-factor is a publicly unknown factor, which is seldom made known to the general public by the artist, but which can be discovered if only the public had a keen eye.
The x-factor may include one or more of the following:

1. High-society connections
2. Money, money, money
3. Empowered (and empowering) relatives
4. The unmentionables (couches?)

I really don’t think that one post is sufficient to cover all these components. I might tell you some stories with the names changed to help you understand why these factors are so effective. I mean you really have work hard not to succeed, if at all you had the x-factor!

Chances of your becoming a famous artist if you have the x-factor: 9,997 out of 10,000!  (I keeping the 3 out of 10, 000 chance as my Get-out-of-Jail-Free card.)

Before I end this post, I’d like to publicly apologize to all the successful artists including the dot-dabber, the horse-rider, the box-maker, the shit-sprayer, the bone-master, and the can-caner!

But…you want to say something. Say it.
Okay. I’ll say it for you. You wanted to say that there are so many of those artists that don’t really appear to have the x-factor…

Observe and Identify…the x-factor.

Really?

• Figure out whether the lady in question is the wife or the daughter of a diplomat,
• find out whether her mom is a famous writer and how she was born in a mansion that’s right there in the heart of the city,
• figure out how an Indian woman born a 100 years ago could get her nude pictures shot by her brother and not get shot in turn, only because she was born a princess;
• decide why though you can draw and paint almost as well or better than a South Indian king, but you end up in a two-room apartment with a broken, discolored center-table in your drawing room (just in case you are wondering whether I am talking about the table in my drawing room I should tell you that I am talking about another, perhaps a lot more talented gentleman who is about 15 years my senior.)

Begin joining the dots my friend, and turn wise BEFORE you turn old. If you are young, I’d recommend that you try your best to attract a useful spouse who comes in either with connections or with money. If you fail at that, then the best thing that you can do is – join an advertising agency and build the right contacts.

Don’t bet your life on that one random event, which has a 1 in 10,000 chance of coming true (the chance could be even lower for all I know – I just picked a reasonable sounding figure…) If you can draw, first find a job with an ad-agency, an animation company, or a publishing house – and then try to win that lottery.
Or…
Check out one of those reincarnation schemes that assure your rebirth in a family of your choice. What? There aren’t any reincarnation schemes in the market?!! That’s too bad – isn’t it?

A Special Note for the Cynical Reader:

I am not biased against the fine art of selling the fine art. I have also written a moderate, optimistic, theoretical definition of art, which you can read at: “Definition of art – A Theoretical Standpoint”. I hope it will establish me a rational, left-brained, right-handed, useful, non-sinister member of the world community.

 

Caricature/Cartoon – Shia LaBeouf wondering whether the Transformers are really worth the hassle?

The caricaturist presents a colorful yet confused Shia LaBeouf.

Ohhhhh Noooooo! Is this what I've begun to look like? What have the Transformers have done to me?!

Down the Memory Lane:

Where do I begin? With his transformation through Transformers or with his disturbing Disturbia? I think I first saw Shia LaBeouf in the first movie of the Transformers series. He looks a lot like the boy who used to live in my neighborhood – in another lifetime. I didn’t like that boy a lot. I thought he was a lot dumber than me (and he reflected the sentiment towards me.) He ended up running his father’s paint shop, a task that doesn’t require you to be a genius, and I ended up poking fun at others – so effectively both of us turned out to be right.

But I’ve digressed from the topic completely. That neighbor-o-mine isn’t the topic of this post, Shia LaBeouf is. So let us talk about him.

Shia LaBeouf’s Scanty Biography:

Shia LaBeouf was born on June 11, 1986. He began working as a Standup Comedian at the tender age of 10 (BTW, he used to look really cute as a child.) He played Louis Stevens on Even Stevens. His first movie was “Holes” in  2003, which was followed by Disturbia (A remake of the Rear Window – an Alfred Hitchcock movie) and then came the Transformers in 2007.

In 2008, Shia became famous as Sam Witwicky, the teenager whose yellow car draws him to the war between the Transformers. The next movie in the Transformers  series (Revenge of the Fallen) got delayed because of his accident in which he broke his left hand. This must’ve been a really bad year for Shia because:

• He broke his arm,
• He injured his eye,
• He received the Razzie award for the worst screen couple with Megan Fox

I don’t know if the Transformers have really been nice to him – but they’ve definitely been nice to his bank balance, which I guess is a good enough reason for him to stick with them – but then should he be giving an eye and an arm for it, is a question that he ponders upon in this caricature.

Shia LaBeouf’s Personal Life:

Shia’s personal life is possibly the most not-happening sort of personal life in all of Hollywood.

• Shia’s got 3 tattoos (just 3! Imagine that. He is 25 and he’s got just 3 tattoos!! What is he? A Crabby Old Fart??!)
• He smokes…cigarettes, I mean.(Great! So does half the world. He’s got to take some cues from Lilo.)
• He has raised legal hackles only three times (…and he’s come out clean on all three occasions!)
•  He likes to get into relationships with his female co-stars, including Megan Fox. (What? So he’s not even gay. Tell me, what’s so cool about a straight man in these troubled times?)

The only thing that makes me a little interested in his personal life is that he likes to date women who are already in a relationship. Thank God for small misdemeanors!

Follow Shia LaBeouf’s life at: http://www.shialabeouf.us/

 

Honey, who shrunk the Caricaturist?

When I woke up this morning, I found myself in a room sans ceiling and walls. I looked around trying to figure out where I was, but I couldn’t. The place looked liked the inside of an igloo (not that I’ve ever seen one actually,) but the walls looked like they were made of glass.

I began to wonder. Was I abducted again? You know how I am slipping into a habit of getting abducted by different sorts of people all the time. So I steered my reasoning in that direction, trying to figure out what this hemispherical glass cavity could be. The glass wasn’t transparent – it was more like I was caught under an inverted Opalware bowl!

I looked around, trying to find an anchor for my reasoning. What was I lying upon? Uh…oh. It did look like a coarse napkin folded into a triangle. And what was that huge insect-like animal that stood near the edge of the room? An ant? An ANT?! Yes! It was an ant, and it looked formidable. I could ride it – the way they rode that ant in “Honey I shrunk the Kids.” But they were four and I was alone – and I really wasn’t that sure of my inter-species communication skills – especially with no translator in sight!

So I decided to stay put.

I am still lying in my table-napkin bed, being as quiet and still as I can, waiting for that gigantic ant to leave, so that I may get up and explore the place to find a way out. If this is the same bowl that I had set on the kitchen table to dry, I think I should be able to find my way out. I don’t think it’ll take me long. And until then, I might not be able to post. But my dear visitor, I’ll have you know that the thoughts of this blog shall give me the courage that I require in the hour of need.

I hope that this message reaches you, because I really don’t trust the Internet connection under this bowl. It’s too weak – it appears that along with me the GBs too have shrunk into KBs.

I intend to be out of this place and regain my normal form soon. My sketchbook too has shrunk to 2 pixel by 1 pixel and there’s no way I can squeeze in a whole caricature in that size.

Microscopically yours,
The Caricaturist
From under the Opalware Bowl
Placed upon the Kitchen Table

 

The Caricaturist writes from the Center of the Earth

…and should return by the weekend.

You must’ve surmised that the Caricaturist must be on an errand of great importance – only then would she disappear so completely. Imagine. A whole week without a new post. You know that your dear caricaturist would never ever let you down, unless she was called away for a greater purpose – OR unless an unexpected, uncontrollable event took place.

I have to report that it was the latter.

It happened on the 8th of May, 2011. After publishing Gaddafi’s Caricature, I felt extremely tired – It was quite a job scavenging all that information on him, and I didn’t have the US Intelligence working for me. So I decided to make myself a hot cup of tea. Imagine my surprise when I realized that I had run out of tea-leaves – an organized, methodical person like me, who uses innumerable diaries, post-its, and other data-capture devices to keep a tab on everything that has a tendency to vanish. I remembered making a note of the task, “Buy Tea-leaves/Tea-bags”, and adding a red circle with VERY IMP. scribbled in red across it – but I missed it completely. I guess it was because I didn’t open that particular diary for a week, and I didn’t open it because I didn’t remember which diary it was!

Any way, before I confuse you completely, let me finish the story.

When I discovered that I had exhausted the supply of tea-leaves/tea-bags, I rushed out to the unfriendly neighborhood grocer to buy some. In my hurry, I didn’t see the open manhole, and before I realized it, I was tumbling through a dark vertical shaft. I tried to look around, but I was falling at a great speed, and the shaft was pitch-dark, so I couldn’t really make out the texture of walls. Worse, I expected to hit the bottom anytime…in other words, I knew that death was imminent.

I closed my eyes and thought about my sweetheart, my parents, my brother, my dog, and my new-found American friend (and her dogs and her favorite dog’s dad…), my other friends, my office, my co-workers, my landlord, my landlord’s sons and daughter-in-laws, my neighbor’s black cat, the squirrels on the terrace, the birds…the list went on…the prime-minister, the US president, the president’s wife, the Queen, Lady Gaga…and the list continued to grow…the Chinese Premier, Hitler, Muammar Gaddafi, Osama bin Laden, my MOTHER-in-LAW!!!!!

That shocked me! I must’ve reached the end of my list, but there was no end to my free-fall. In fact, it was at that point that I fainted.

When I opened my eyes, I was lying on a straw-mat in a cave. Two cavemen, three cave-women, and about a dozen cave-kids were gathered around me. I tried asking them where I was. The good news was that those cave-kids were smart, so one of them picked up what appeared be a fruit of some sort. He used a stone-knife to cut it into two halves, and pointed to the center. So that was it. I had reached the Center of the Earth!

After a lot of cajoling, the kids gave me a laptop that they had recovered from the stuff that kept coming through the man-hole, and I have managed to contact my family. They’ve contacted the Indian Government, and the Indian Government has contacted the Chilean Government – requesting them to send the rescue team that worked on rescuing the Chilean miners, to…well, pull me back to the terra firma.

I should return soon…until then, pray for the Caricaturist’s well-being.

(Credits: Message posted using the Laptop that the cavekids so kindly shared with me. This post wouldn’t have reached you, if it hadn’t been for those cave-kids and their dream of starting a WordPress Blog.)

 

Caricature/Cartoon – Osama Bin Laden Killed by US Military in Pakistan – Justice has been Done!

Osama bin Laden, the dreaded Al-Qaeda terrorist carrying a reward of US $25 Million on his turbaned head, a close cousin of Achmed the dead terrorist, but infinitely more difficult to kill, is finally dead! He was shot by the US Military in Abbottabad Pakistan on May 1, 2011.

In the past, whenever I thought of caricaturing Bin Laden, I had set the task aside for that historical day when I would hear the news of his capture or death. Today, an hour ago, when President Obama announced Osama’s death, I sprung into action, and drew this caricature. I believe that this is my fastest caricature ever…and I also think that it has captured the essence of my thoughts.

They "kill" me!

Feel free to use the above picture on your blog/website (FREE for as-is non-commercial use.)

Here’s a Short Biography of Osama Bin Laden

Osama Bin Laden was born in a rich Saudi Family on March 10, 1957. Osama was the only son of his father’s 10th(?) wife. Osama possibly enrolled for an engineering degree in Saudi Arabia, but he didn’t complete it. However, he was extremely devoted to Islam and spent time in interpreting Quran and Jihad. Osama married four times and fathered 2 dozen children. (Note that he denounced the Americans as people who indulged in “fornication,” among other things!)

Well…one thing must’ve led to another, and Osama ended up becoming a Jihadi. His family connections and wealth helped him gain importance and start the organization that we now know as Al-Qaeda.

What used to go on in Osama’s Mind?

• Nobody knows as he spoke little. But his actions told us that he was anti-democracy, anti-socialism and pro-taliban, pro-jihad!
• He believed that it was okay to target women and children for the purpose of Jihad.
• He was against music (on religious grounds!!!)

Osama is known to have spawned Al-Qaeda, the terrorist group responsible for the September 11 attack on the Twin Towers and the Pentagon.

(Read more about Bin Laden at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osama_bin_Laden)

After the attack on the twin towers, USA declared war on Al-Qaeda. One of the important missions of this war was to “capture or kill” Bin Laden. Bin Laden was earlier working from Afghanistan, but then there were reports that he had moved to Pakistan. Pakistan however continued to deny it.

How the US Military killed Osama Bin Laden?

The American Intelligence discovered that Osama bin Laden was staying in a mansion at Abbottabad, which is 60 miles from the Pakistani capital, Islamabad. The compound around the mansion was almost 8-times the size of the compounds around the neighboring houses. Abbottabad is a town where many retired government and military officials live. The compound where Osama bin Laden was found and shot dead, is situated quite close to the Pakistani military academy.

The attack was carried out by American Assault Team consisting of special forces including the US Navy Seals. It was a 40-minute operation, which involved fire-fighting, which lead of the deaths of three men (Osama included) and one woman. The reason why the woman got killed was because she was being used as a human shield by Osama and his associates. One of the helicopters crashed due to a mechanical failure, but all the American personnel involved in the operation are safe.

His body/remains are now with the US.

Read the details at the Los Angeles Times website here.

All this of course raises a lot of questions. Especially as Pakistan has always been in denial that Osama was staying there (leave alone the fact that he was living there in “style” and “comfort” unlike Saddam Hussein who was imitating a mouse.) That Osama was staying in such close proximity of the military academy and in such a posh area, is something that makes you wonder how deep the roots of Al-Qaeda go?

 

Leaving to Attend the Royal Wedding – Just Received my Invitation!

Folks, I am sorry but I have to leave. I know that it’s on a very short notice, but when the Queen invites you to her dear grandson William’s wedding with Kate Middleton, you have to oblige (oops, the wrong choice of words…but I hope the Queen would understand that a delayed invitation could lead to such errors.)

Let me recount the events, which led me to make this post.

It was 5:00 AM and I was about to post the boy wizard’s caricature when I heard this knock on my door. At such an early hour, you don’t expect me to be dressed for the day, so obviously I was in my pajamas when I opened the door to a man who introduced himself as one of the Queen’s Royal Guards. He handed me the gilded wedding invitation, and apologized for the delay. According to him, first he was held up by the Taliban in the AfPak region, who mistook him for a possible Jackpot (read: an American Journalist). They released him last week, after realizing that he was just an innocent messenger.  He could have reached me the day before yesterday, but then he couldn’t get the card across the Indian custom officials – who were mesmerized by the “glitter of gold.”

I am making this post from the special jet that the Queen chartered for me. I am highly indebted to the Queen for naming this jet, “The Caricaturist One” in my honor. I extend an open invitation to the entire royal family to stay in my humble abode whenever they visit Delhi.

Here’s a scan of the invitation card (I couldn’t resist sharing it.)

Invitation for the Royal Wedding - 2011

Now I need to check with the guard whether it’s okay to attend the wedding in my pajamas. With such a short notice, I didn’t have time to shop for a formal gown. If I don’t get time to shop in London, and if pajamas are off the dress-code list then I hope one of the royal ladies will condescend to share her wardrobe with me – just for the occasion.

Sorry folks. Have to stop now. Just now the pilot has asked me to fasten my seat belt as we’ve entered England and would be landing soon:)

 

Caesar’s assassination, his heart-broken guilt-ridden scribe, and his Caricature!

Julius Caesar has been haunting my dreams…

(Memoirs from Another Life!)

At about 2 AM, I woke up…bathed in cold sweat, with my throat so parched that I could barely speak, let alone scream.

Thankfully it was a dream, and so I couldn’t be held responsible for what happened…but not everyone thought of me as blameless, especially not Mark Antony. Here’s what happened.

It was March 15, 44 BC, and Caesar was rushing to address the Senate. He was wearing his toga and looking as charismatic as ever. I was right behind him – a scribe who definitely didn’t look like a woman, and I know this because I caught my reflection in a pond that we passed on our way to the Theater of Pompey. I looked worried and rushed, but what was my rush beside Caesar’s need to be immortalized. I had been chosen to be his ghost-writer. It was a great honor, as you can see, but the task was fraught with dangers, and the gravest danger of all was Caesar’s anger. Caesar knew that many Romans were plotting to have him assassinated, and he was dictating me something on this topic, when I heard hurried yet hushed footsteps behind me.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Mark Antony hurrying behind us. He looked worried and I knew that he wanted to say something important. Suddenly I saw him raise his index finger to his throat. Before I could understand what it all meant, Caesar asked me if I were listening, and I had to turn my attention to my notes. I wrote as we walked. A difficult feat indeed. We must have presented quite a picture. Caesar in the front, followed by me hurrying along to be on his side, and the ink-bearer behind me hurrying along to be on my side.

Just before we arrived at our destination, the clatter of Mark Antony’s wooden sandals stopped. I looked around, but I could see him no more. I could see many other Roman Senators because we had almost reached the theater, the arena in which the Roman political games took place. I was not allowed any further, because the proceedings of the Senate were not for me to record.Caesar stopped and looked into my eyes.

“You are doing a good job. Have you checked on that lazy artist who was commissioned to do my portrait for the cover-page?” he asked me. I had checked, and our Caesar was looking terribly handsome in it. I nodded my head and told him that it was ready.

“Good. I’d like to see it this evening,” said Caesar, dismissing me. He then turned, climbed the steps and disappeared inside the Theater of Pompey.

I and the ink-bearer had just turned for returning to Caesar’s villa, when we heard the commotion from within the theater. Something had gone wrong. The senators were always noisy, but the scream sounded ominous, and the voice that screamed sounded like it belonged to…Caesar.

I turned to see Mark Antony – his eyes accusing me of something. …Something?!

And then it all fell in place with a deafening crash. The gesture that he had made with his index finger flashed in front of my eyes…he had asked me to warn Caesar. I didn’t do it! And he was way-laid by another Roman who was an accessory to the crime…so he couldn’t warn Caesar either.

But what was done was done.Caesar was dead, but he wasn’t yet free to ascend to the heavens. He had an unfulfilled wish.

He wanted to see his Caricature!

He haunted me the whole night, and I bet that he’s haunted me through all those centuries that have passed by – but being the forgetful person that I am, I don’t remember. Nevertheless, this haunting has to stop…and although the India-Sri Lanka match for the Cricket World Cup Finals is beckoning me…I have to publish Julius Caesar’s Caricature before I go to bed tonight!

 

India Wins the Semi-finals, Sachin Tendulkar declared Man of the Match

BREAKING NEWS!

India won the World cup Semi-finals against Pakistan. Sachin couldn’t make his 100th 100s but he helped the team win by contributing 85 runs of 115 balls.

Presenting…

Sachin Tendulkar – The Man of the Match

Turned Lucky 4 times!

Waiting for Sachin’s 100th 100, which may yet happen…in the finals…in Mumbai! Good Night:)

Update: Oh…and if India wins the World Cup…You might want to buy anti-glare glasses. You know why? Find the answer here.

 

Coming up…Caricatures of – SJP of SATC and ARR!

I’d like to begin by thanking Ian for splashing his creativity on my blog and calling Leonardo Da Vinci, Leony Darling!

Thanks Ian. I am sure that if Da Vinci were born in our times, his mother and his numerous girlfriends and boyfriends would queue up behind me  to thank you:)

So…

I dreamed of Leony Darling (looking young and dapper.) He was standing in Verrocchio’s workshop correcting the nose of the young angel in the painting that will later be called “Baptism of Christ.” When he heard me come in, he looked up and asked me to mix some paint for him, which I did only because I knew that he was going to be one of the Greats in future. He took the paint that I had mixed on a wooden palette, our fingers touched, and he froze; a glazed look came into his eyes and his voice changed. I understood that he was struck with a vision of the future. He said something to me in a rather quaint version of Italian, which Barb of Creative Barbwire translated for me.

He said, “I see you drawing the caricatures of this woman called Sarah Jessica Parker, who has a thin, emaciated, and elongated face and a man called A.R. Rahman, who is a short, rotund, and funny looking man. You would be publishing at least one of the two caricatures on your blog in the last week of January 2011!”

Believe it or not – half of the prophecy that Leony Darling made has already come true…and I am afraid that the other half shall come true too. I wish he had said something about whose caricature would be published first, but he didn’t. So it’s now up to you and me to decide. Who’d you like to see first?

 

Caricature/Cartoon of Monalisa and the truth behind her smile!

Presenting Monalisa who mocks you from a portrait drawn by Leonardo da Vinci. It’s possible that you haven’t heard of Da Vinci, but it’s almost impossible that you don’t know about Mona Lisa and her enigmatic smile.
Here’s The Caricaturist’s rendition of the “Greatest work of Art” in the world.

What's behind that smile?

Countless historians have spent countless number of hours, days, and years, trying to answer two questions:
1. Who is Mona Lisa?
2.  What does her smile mean?

What everyone knows is that Monalisa is a portrait done by Leonardo da Vinci, one of the greatest artists of all times, who was really awful at completing his paintings. We’d never know how he motivated himself to complete this one but he managed it somehow. Monalisa won’t have become this famous if about 400 years of its being painted, a patriotic Italian won’t have tried to take it back to Italy, where he thought it belonged (forgetting completely that one of the many King Louis’ had bought it from Salai, the guy who had inherited the portrait from Leonardo da Vinci!) Anyway, Mona Lisa has lived in the Louvre Museum of Paris for most of its life and right now it’s better guarded and protected than the President of the US.

To cut a long post short, let’s quickly look at the possible answers to the two questions that many good people called art historians have spent the best parts of their lives, trying to answer!

Mona Lisa – Who’s she?

Honestly speaking, nobody knows. Here are some possibilities though.
Mona Lisa is:

• Leonardo da Vinci’s self-portrait.
• Salai, his buffoon-of-a-pupil and possible lover’s portrait.
• A pregnant Italian Noblewoman’s portrait (La Gioconda?)
• A poor unfortunate woman’s portrait.

Why is the woman (?) in the Mona Lisa portrait smiling? What’s behind that smile?

I guess this is a question that people have been asking ever since 1911 – the year in which Mona Lisa became famous because she was stolen.

Of course, interpretations abound; but here’s my viewpoint.
The “person” in the painting is smiling because:

• Leonardo da Vinci winked at him/her.
• Leonardo told a lawyer’s joke while he was painting.
• Salai, his pupil of a “special nature” told Leonardo a vegetarian joke (because Leonardo was a vegetarian) and he/she overheard it.
• Melzi, his other pupil of another “special nature” told Leonardo that Salai had finally made a recognizable portrait.
• Leonardo da Vinci didn’t realize that he had paint on his nose.
• The “person” was a man dreaming of a portrait of him riding a horse.
• The “person” was a woman dreaming of a portrait with jewels around her neck.
• The “person” was an alien wondering why Leonardo da Vinci couldn’t decide whether he wanted to be an engineer, an anatomist, a sculptor, a metal worker, or an artist…for artssakes!

And if these aren’t enough reasons for you to choose from, click here to discover what the experts have to say about Monalisa and her smile.

Amy asked me to leave the caricature untitled – so untitled it is. What in your opinion is the reason behind her smile?

 

The Caricaturist Thaws in a Polar Bear’s Belly!

Bobbing up and down on the icy cold surface of Arctic Ocean…now dragging myself out of the water, onto a piece of snow-covered ice floating on the ocean…now looking at the seals…and also at the penguins…and…oh no!
<<SPLASH>>
<<GURGLE>>
Now looking a gigantic polar bear who looks hungry!

I don’t know how I ended up here. I’ve no clue. All I remember is – leaving the New Year Party at 3 AM, driving to New Delhi railway station,  taking a walk on the beach at Connaught Place, collecting some shells, and then getting up on a camel to ride home.

I have some faint memories of the last fifteen days, and in all those memories, I see myself as a frozen ice-statue. Now freezing has its advantages – for instance:

• You stop aging
• You stop breathing
• You stop thinking
• You stop drawing
• You also stop blogging!

So, now you know why I couldn’t blog all these days. Now, my friends, though trapped on the Arctic, I am thawed, alive, and well; and I’ve also found this laptop with a working Internet connection in the belly of the bear that must’ve snacked on another unfortunate netizen and his laptop, before he feasted on me.  All this, and the cozy warm room in the bear’s stomach should help me regain my strength and help me get back to the world of the living soon.

Thanks for all those “I Miss you” notes that you were just about to write…my dear loving, caring visitors…I know how horrible it must’ve been for you…and though you didn’t express your sorrow…I know! Sniff…sniff!

<<CHOMP>>
<<BURP>>

Oh…Wow! I’ve got company.
Oh No! The idiot ate an insurance agent! I am doomed!

Coming up – December Blog Carnival Entries…

Bobbing up and down on the icy cold surface of Arctic Ocean…now dragging myself out of the water, onto a floating piece of ice covered with snow…now looking at the seals…and also at the penguins…and…oh no!

<<SPLASH>>

<<GURGLE>>
Now looking a humungous polar bear who looks hungry!

I don’t know how I ended up here. I’ve no clue. All I remember is – leaving the New Year Party at 3 AM, driving to New Delhi railway station, and then taking a walk on the beach, collecting some shells, and then getting up on a camel to ride home.

I have some faint memories of the last fifteen days, and in all those memories, I see myself as a frozen ice-statue. Now freezing has its advantages – for instance:

- You stop aging

- You stop breathing

- You stop thinking

- You stop drawing

- You also stop blogging!

So, now you know why I couldn’t blog all these days. Now, my friends, though trapped on the Arctic, I am thawed, alive, and well; and I’ve also found this laptop with a working Internet connection in the belly of the bear that must’ve snacked on another unfortunate netizen and his laptop, before he feasted on me.  All this, and the cozy warm room in the bear’s stomach should help me regain my strength and help me get back to the world of the living soon.

Thanks for all those “I Miss you” notes that you were just about to write…my dear loving, caring visitors…I know how horrible it must’ve been for you…and though you didn’t express your sorrow…I know! Sniff…sniff!

<<CHOMP>>

<<BURP>>

Oh…Wow! I’ve got company.

Oh No! The idiot ate an insurance agent! I am doomed!

 

New Year Resolutions – Need Help? 10 Suggestions from the Caricaturist.

This is the time when all smart people buy new diaries and write their New Year Resolutions in their best handwriting. This post is for the Resolution Drafters of the world. I wish you all a very Happy New Year in which you are able to keep all your resolutions (or at least most of those that matter.)

Here’s a list of possible resolutions that you could add to your Charter of Resolutions.

You could resolve to:

1.    Give up smoking! (once again, and hope that you’ll be able to keep this resolution for more than two days.)
2.    Make your current, ex! (And ensure that you do it just once in the New Year.)
3.    Find a New Job! (Which you’d realize becomes an old job before the year ends.)
4.    Love your spouse as much as you love your dog…or cat (and fail. Because you’d realize that this is an impossible-to-keep resolution.)
5.    Not become depressed. (Not even trying to figure out ways to contain your depression.)
6.    Give up drinking (Same as “Give up Smoking.”)
7.    Lose weight (for a fortnight, and then gain double back.)
8.    Make up with your Mother-in-Law (by sending her a card sprinkled with itching powder.)
9.    Get your first book published (and not mope when you sell three copies – bought by your mom, your sister, and your dog.)
10.    Make no more resolutions that you can’t keep!

The good news is that this List of Resolutions is re-usable! You can use it again in 2011, 2012…and so on. It’s got a forever shelf life

Wish you a Happy New Year 2011!

 

Caricature/Cartoon – Oprah Winfrey – The Rich Talk Show host who Oprahfied two Vacationing Mice!

After a long hiatus…presenting...Oprah Winfrey, the television host of The Oprah Winfrey Show, who is the world’s only black billionaire, and well…the most influential woman in the world.

So, you see…it was essential that we waited!

Post-Oprahfiction, the Mice realize that you don't need your own money to get a tan!

Oprah Winfrey’s Shortest Biography on the Web (I hope so.)

Oprah was born on 29th January 1954, somewhere in rural Mississippi, a difficult place for an African American, even as late as 1950s. She had a difficult childhood – her mom definitely wasn’t the greatest moms in the world, possibly because she herself was a teenager when Oprah was born. Vernita, her mom was a maid who left little Oprah with her Grandmother Hattie Mae Lee. According to Wikipedia (where do you think I got about half my information from,) they were so poor that Oprah had to wear dresses made of potato sacks! Guess that was when she made up her mind to kick poverty out of her life.

Oprah’s miserable childhood wasn’t just the result of her potato-sack-clad poverty, but also the loose morals of her cousin, her uncle, and a “friend” of the family, who molested her. Oprah chose to run away when she turned 13, became pregnant at 14, and lost her child at birth. Finally, her mom sent her to the gentleman who she now calls her father (and who possibly is,) Vernon Winfrey. Her dad decided that she should study. Oprah was a bright and extremely popular student as a child. One thing led to another and she began to read news at the local black radio station.

Oprah’s popularity continued to grow and in 1983, she hosted A. M. Chicago. Within a few months, she had overtaken Phil Donahue, another media personality of great caliber. This was the time when The Oprah Winfrey Show was born.

Read Oprah’s detailed biography here.

Interesting Oprahbytes!

The Oprah Winfrey show drew its largest audience when Oprah interviewed Michael Jackson: 36.5 Million; David Letterman drew its largest audience when Letterman interviewed Oprah: 13.45 Million! Wow!

Oprah’s Personal Life

The glimpses of Oprah’s personal life can often be seen in her show. She’s suffered a good many lows in her life, including the time when her hair fell out completely (beware of getting your hair permed, if it could happen to Oprah, it could happen to anyone in the world,) and then her weight problem which was a result of her depression (no rewards for guessing who caused the depression – a man, of course. The point to note (and learn) is that in Oprah’s life, these could’ve been inflection points – but she pulled herself out before she was sucked into the whirlpool of depression.

Where is Oprah Now?

Just yesterday, Oprah received Kennedy Center Honors from Obama, along with the hero of her youth, Paul McCartney of the Beatles.

Comedian Chris Rock parodied the situation by saying, ‘No one deserves this award more than Oprah Winfrey, but no one needs it less,’ comedian Chris Rock said to laughter from the audience.

The Oprah Effect and Oprahfication

And finally, if you could get those smart, cunning, difficult-to-impress marketers to speak of the Oprah Effect, you must really be something! Quoting from the Wikipedia entry on Oprah Winfrey, “The power of Winfrey’s opinions and endorsement to influence public opinion, especially consumer purchasing choices, has been dubbed The Oprah Effect” Then there’s something called “Oprahfication“, which is the act of making a public confession and being cured, in the process. Oprah thus, is almost a religious institution where you could make a confession and relieve yourself of your sins.

Now about the question that’s I can hear coming from the depths of your heart…

How much does Oprah Winfrey Earn?

Good question. Around 300 Million USD a year!

So…you know how much it must’ve cost me to bring her to my blog. Well, now that she’s here…go get Oprahfied!

 

The Caricaturist logs in from the Antiverse – Wikileaks and US Politicians turn Caricaturists!

Hi Folks in the Universe,

I am safe here in the Antiverse, which is made up entirely of Antimatter. Except having to wear this unfashionable Antimatter suit, I am quite comfortable. In fact, everything’s just like home. We’ve got a US President who’s called Barack Obama and who the Press is happily denigrating because he couldn’t stop Wikileaks from leaking those cables (ever wonder why the Americans didn’t change the spelling of Cable to Cabel? or did they?!)

The funny part of the whole deal was the revelation I had, which is that the US diplomats are in the same trade as I. They are all Caricaturists. If you don’t believe me, here are some fantastic caricatures that they’ve created of other world readers. I’d like to do a critical review of these caricatures.

Moammar Gadhafi the Libyan leader, they say “relies heavily on his long-time Ukrainian nurse, Galyna Kolotnytska, who is a voluptuous blonde and who is possibly his lover.

Critical Review: Dear Creative Diplomat whose name I couldn’t find out, are you caricaturing Gadhafi, or the prop. Note the that nurse is only a prop and a caricature of her voluptuousness can be served as a side dish but not be the main course. You need to speak about Mr. crooked cap Gadhafi  and tell us what you see in him.

~~~ o ~~~

German Chancellor Angela Merkel, nicknamed “Teflon Merkel,” avoids risk and is seldom creative.

Critical Review: The Teflon Merkel bit says it all. First you use the minimalist technique beautifully and then kill the caricature with the details. There was no reason to add on those extra strokes, “avoids risk and is seldom creative.” The main stroke “teflon” said it all – didn’t it? Stay with what’s essential for the caricature – if you want to add a prop, don’t use extra jaggies to create a shadow of a prop – create a “voluptuous” prop. Refer to Gadhafi’s caricature above.

~~~ o ~~~

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has been referred to as “alpha-dog.”

Critical Review: Excellent Caricature – no comments!

~~~ o ~~~

The Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has been compared with Adolf Hitler and described as “unbalanced, even crazy.”

Critical Review: Adolf Hitler?! I think you are more of an exaggerationist than a caricaturist. Adolf Hitler was an organizer, a manager, and he never had anyone to key him up – he did all the keying up! The second part of the statement does a better job of creating Ahmadinejad’s caricature – I mean, who in his right mind would say that the leaks were organized by the US?! But then to give the guy some credit, he might know a mite more than I do.

~~~ o ~~~

Italy’s Silvio Berlusconi is pegged as “feckless, vain, and ineffective as a modern European leader”

Critical Review: Interesting adjectives, but you are skimming the surface. Go deeper. A caricature needs to exaggerate the important characteristics of the subject – and when one particular characteristic outshines others, you can’t just play it down. As a caricaturist, you need to feel more confident of your treatment – and you need to also add “ruthlessness” to your skill-set, dear unknown friend.

~~~ o ~~~

Pakistani Leaders, President Asif Ali Zardari is called, Dirty but not Dangerous; while Ex-PM Nawaz Sharif has been hailed as Dangerous but not Dirty!

Critical Review: Very poetic. Have you considered becoming a poet instead. I should tell you that the ability to rhyme is in much shorter supply than the ability to caricature. But I like the way you’ve linked your two caricatures – using the same words but changing their sequence. Great Job!

~~~ o ~~~

Well…so you know why you don’t find good caricaturists and copy writers easily. It’s because they’ve all become American Politicians! But then the art of caricature is quite similar to wailing baby, you just can’t hide it!

I plan to board the 2:00 PM shuttle, reach the portal, (which opens only for a few seconds) – and will be back in my good old Universe, which as you know is exactly the same as the Antiverse – and neither I nor you’d know the difference. See you then.

 

Thank You Nancy! Coming up soon…the Polymer Clay Caricature of the Horned Devil:-)

This week I received a fabulous surprise, which swept me off my feet. From a land far far away came a box….and in that box were two Clay Sculpting Tool-sets  and many other beautiful inspirations in the form of clay dogs.  I’d like to thank Nancy Johanson (Dewey‘s Gram) for everything that I’ve ever done with clay (which isn’t really much so far – about 2.5 clay caricatures) and everything that I’ll ever do. I would never have discovered this beautiful medium – I’d never have thought that the little clay packets that they sold in those stationery stores with those not-so-inspirational clay model pictures on their boxes held such potential.

Nancy, whatever I do with clay – ever in my life, would be because of you. You are my inspiration…and I hope that one day I’ll make you proud. Thank you for the tools. I am so happy to have a tool for sculpting every little idea that pops into my head.

THANK YOU NANCY

The eyebrow tweezers and the screwdrivers are no match to even a single tool in this fabulous collection. I hope that you’ll all see a marked improvement in the level of detail and the overall quality of my clay caricatures.

The sculpture of the Horned Devil, my first attempt to create a Polymer Clay Sculpture with the tools, is done – but it has to be painted before it can debut on the blog:)  I shall complete it soon and post it for your viewing pleasure.

- Shafali

 

Announcement – Blog Carnival for Bloggers – Tell the Story-in-the-Caricature – October 2010 – Edition 5!

Dear Readers, Visitors, Tourists, Treasure-hunters,  and Creative Bloggers!

The September 2010 Blog Carnival ended on September 30, 2010. Following were the stories that were written for the lady in the caricature.

Stories Written by the Authors:

• The Circus Comes to Town – A Short Story by Dewey Dewster!
• In Love with Melody by Oorvi
• To boldly go… by Viv
• Every job has it’s good bits by Ian

I thank all the writers who spent their time and taxed their creativity to come up with their colorful stories.  Thank You:)

Now, of course, is the time to unveil the caricature for the October 2010 Carnival. This caricature is different from the previous caricatures in two ways:

• It’s got two characters instead of one.
• It shows more pleasant (apparently) people.

So here it is…

What's their Story?

Don your thinking cap, get into your most comfortable clothes, and find a writing pad…tell us their story!

The Four Simple Rules for Participating:

1. Write a story, small or big, about this caricature (There’s no upper limit – you are welcome to write a thesis if you please:))

2. Publish the story on your blog, along with this caricature (A link to this blog would be appreciated, but it isn’t necessary.)

3. Leave the link to your post, as a comment to this post here.

4. The festival ends at the midnight of October 31, 2010 (Sunday.)

The Three Rewards for this Story Carnival:

1. All the story links added until the last date, will be published on this blog in the first week of October, along with the blog-address and a link to the About Page of your blog.

2. The blog addresses of the participating bloggers will find way into my “The Storytellers” blogroll.

3. We will also request all the story-writers to publish the links of other story-writers in a blog-post on their respective blogs. This will help the story writers find more readers – but of course, this would be voluntary.

An Important Note:

This blog has zero tolerance for pornography and abusive language and so any comment/story containing such material will automatically disqualify from the Carnival.

Are you a Storyteller?

Never written a story?
Why not start now?

Read the stories and connect with the authors of the previous Tell the Story in the Caricature Blog Carnivals here!

 

Caricature/Cartoon – Bald Man Smiling – A Polymer Clay Sculpture!

99.9% Artists don’t eat…from doing art! I am one among the 99.9%! Drawing is a skill that’s as useless as the skill of scratching your own back – It isn’t easy, it twists you all out of shape, it’s also extremely gratifying; but you can’t earn by scratching your back!

So what does an artist (specifically this one) do? She tries out other options.

Remember she turned a writer recently? No? Well…that tells us something – doesn’t it?!

Obviously then, something else had to be tried – and so she turned a caricaturist sculptoress (sculptor/sculptoress?! Dictionary writers must all be men – they didn’t bother! Artist/Artistress?! See what I mean – Woman artists are twice as unwanted as their fellow male counterparts!)

So here’s my second effort at creating clay sculptures (and don’t ask me to show you my first…it was a disaster!)

I am bald and bearded, and I have a handlebar mustache...it must make me look funny...but who cares! Check out my smile, because that's what's really important!

A Thank You Note to my Teacher:) Nancy Johanson (Dewey Dewster‘s Gram), who makes beautiful clay doggies, and whose creations inspired me to try out clay modeling.

Dear Nancy,

Thank you for inspiring me and telling me all about clay modeling. It’s fun though it’s different:) I think I’d stick to modeling caricatures in clay for some time…they are simpler for me to handle:) This afternoon I used the second box of clay to create this wall-plaque. It’s tiny. About 2.5 inches by 1.25 inches. I made a wall-plaque of it by adding a clay-loop behind it, and right now it’s hanging on my soft-board, with a push-pin!

That’s all for now:) See you soon with some new caricatures!

 

Caricature/Cartoon – Ozzy Osbourne of the Black Sabbath – A Visual/Verbal Caricature.

Let us SCREAM >>> OZZY!

The Rodent Warrior Fights Back!

Ozzy Osbourne’s Shortest Biography on the Web:

On December 3rd, 1948; a baby was born who’d father Heavy Metal, and whose music would be “intentionally” dark!

This sweet little baby grew up with dyslexia, a learning disability that has plagued many famous personalities. Obviously his teachers thought nothing of him because teachers prefer average performers, and so he was drawn towards more interesting matters such as stage performances.

Before Ozzy Osbourne began his “black” career, he worked as a laborer, plumber, tool-maker and even a sort of butcher. It’s easy to see how all this work-experience may have been instrumental in the making of the “black” sabbath, and the “heavy metal.” Black Sabbath was born in 1969, and as anything black is usually high in demand and short in supply, it met with a phenomenal success. For obvious reasons, the band was more popular among men.

Moving from gray to dark gray to black to ebony…

Black Sabbath released the following albums featuring Ozzy Osbourne:

• Black Sabbath
• Paranoid
• Master of Reality
• Sabbath Bloody Sabbath
• Sabotage
• Technical Ecstasy

And then Ozzy oozed off the Black Sabbath for a solo project he called Blizzard of Ozz (How creative!) Things didn’t work out until 1980, when Ozzy’s wife (ahem! Well yes. Brand new grapevine starting here has it that whenever a woman spent a night with Ozzy in the morning she’d leave looking like Ozzy’s double. Looking at Ozzy’s face in the darkness of the night had that effect on them. (see picture above) – but Sharon survived it all. The next morning she was as pretty as she was the night before – and so Ozzy slipped one of his many rings on her ring finger and they became an item (read: got married.) BTW, Another survivor was his first wife Thelma Rieley. Amazing women – both!

To make a long story short – Ozzy went on singing… there were many other albums…here’s a list (as always thanks to Wikipedia.)

• Blizzard of Ozz (1980)
• Diary of a Madman (1981)
• Bark at the Moon (1983)
• The Ultimate Sin (1986)
• No Rest for the Wicked (1988)
• No More Tears (1991)
• Ozzmosis (1995)
• Down to Earth (2001)
• Black Rain (2007)
• Scream (2010)

Other Interesting Ozzisms or Psycho-acts by Mr. Osbourne:

• Ozzy’s been accused of being a negative influence on the youth and a proponent of Satanism – Anti-Christ/Anti-Christian.
• In 1981, when he signed his first solo-deal (when he’d left Black Sabbath,) he had been fasting for a while (praying for the deal) and he was so hungry that he bit off the head of a dove (quite foolishly I’d say…the head of a bird has the least meat on it.)
• Shortly afterward, during one of his performances, he bit-off the head of a poor bat – that bravely fought back and bit Ozzy in the mouth before it died – and Ozzy had to take shots to prevent himself from getting Rabies. (What most people do not know is that the bat was the reincarnation (yes, the avatar) of the dove, who had come back seeking revenge!)
• Next, he had a fight with his brave wife Sharon, then to make people think that his wife was going around urinating on cenotaphs, he wore his wife’s dress and urinated on a cenotaph, which was erected in the honor of those who died in the battle of Alamo.

And yes…

those who are interested in Ozzy’s tattoos, should click here.

Finally, in defence of Ozzy Osborne and his brave wife Sharon Osborne, they are one of the richest couples in UK. Doesn’t matter if Ozzy looks a little mad. I mean – all the rich of the world are a little mad…he just doesn’t hide his madness…he lets it Ooze out of him ozzily!