Important! Whose caricatures would you like to see here this month?

Hi Friends,

I am planning to make some caricatures this month and I am dead serious about this. I haven’t done a lot a caricatures since Romney lost to Obama (Horrible horrible stuff – but recall that this wasn’t scanned, it was photographed, and then it was photoshot (oops, I meant photoshopped) to make it look acceptable. When I was done, I understood why I am never called in to Photoshop-out Aishwarya’s double-chin or make Bips look fairer!) 

Let me stop spinning a long and tangled yarn and tell you straightaway that I think it’s now time to revive the caricaturist in me, and put her to work.

The question is – whose caricatures should I create?

The answer is: I am not sure. There are so many famous people out there that I can’t decide.

Will you help?

In each of the following categories whose caricature would you like to see here. Please leave your thoughts as a comment.

Internationally Famous Personalities:

(Note: I am adding the suggestions that I’ve already taken. Additional suggestions are welcome )

• 2 Actors (1 Male and 1 Female)  (Dustin Hoffman, Billy Crystal) and “you-know-who” (even though you-know-how isn’t yet an international celeb.)
• 1 Singer/Musician (Male/Female) (Bette Midler, Willie Nelson)
• 1 Politician (Male/Female) (Burlesque-oni)
• 1 Historical Figure (Male/Female) (“You-know-who” as Akbar.)
• 1 Fictional Figure (Male/Female)

Please post your thoughts and help a caricaturist in distress.

I’ll  be back soon…perhaps with the caricatures you desire

I’d like to thank you in advance for your help this important matter,

- Shafali The Caricaturist.

The World Ends tomorrow and a Seat on the Ark is selling for Billions!

Updated: December 21, 2012 a.k.a. Doom’s Day a.k.a Mayan Apocalypse. Note: The threat still looms large. 21st has not even begun in the US, and we don’t really know anything about the time-zone that the Mayans had in mind, when they prophesied the end of the world.

I am updating this post because in the last 12 hours, this blog has been inundated with more than a hundred instances of the query, “What Time does the World end?” Honestly, my incredible omniscience fails to tell me the exact time and also the exact time zone for this once in the earth’s lifetime event. But when I switched on my computer this morning, I was driven to draw this guy, who really wants to know.

Will someone please tell us the exact time, so that we can stop waiting and start working?!

Oh, I forgot to mention. There’s a Doomsday Discount on the above cartoon. If you want to take it away with you for your blog, you are welcome to do so It’s free. The sale ends along with the world!

 

Folks,

If you’ve kept your eyes and ears open, you must know that the world is going to end tomorrow (December 21, 2012.) This key information comes from the Mayans, and so it has to be absolutely correct. What? You are questioning it? Are you crazy? The Mayans knew. How?! Don’t you know? Those guys were the original programmers of this world matrix, and they planned an auto-shutdown of the Universe program on the date in question.
We are really running short of time here, so let me skip ahead and talk about more important things.

You see, I’ve been frantically searching for any information on a Noah’s Ark-alike that leaves from my city. So far, I’ve found out nothing. I think people don’t want to share this information on the Internet, because only two humans from every city are allowed to board the ark. Sources who’ve requested anonymity say that only politicians will be allowed to board the ark, and that some seats in the hull are going for Millions of Dollars. I also hear that Paris Hilton, Lady Gaga, and Justin Bieber have already secured their passage into the new world by parting with almost all their riches.

So why isn’t the media reporting this corruption around the Ark-deal? Oh well! Those media guys are going to be stowaways. It’s rumored that these arks were built with secret compartments to ensure that the best of the best (read: the politicians, the paparazzi, and the stinking rich) will be able to escape the inevitable, either directly or indirectly.

If you have any information on this matter, please leave it here in a comment. I have a feeling that if you had such information, you must’ve already been brain-washed into believing that you’d have a seat on the ark, if you just remained silent; but my friend, they are playing with you. Mark my words, if the world ends tomorrow…billions of us would be standing together bidding farewell to our politicians and others of their kind.

Now, the second important question…

What’s the exact time at which the world is expected to end? Any information will be deeply appreciated and widely distributed.

I’m lost…can’t find myself. Last I remember, I was in one of the “Hidden Files”…

The Caricaturist has gone missing again. She needs to geo-tag herself, she needs some meta-data on her dress, she needs to make herself searchable; or she’ll lose herself so completely that she’ll never be found again!

This is what happened – as I remember it, and unlike always I am not exaggerating.

The time was 9 in the night. I had been working on the computer since 6 in the morning. (Of course, I took the much needed breaks of both kinds. Now what kind of unasked question was that?!) Now, you’d expect me to be tired…to be falling down on my keyboard, slipping off my chair, typing bad four-letter words instead of nice four-letter ones (yep! the nice ones! Did you ever hear of the four letter word called “love”? Now replace that with “work”! You see what I mean? They don’t get any worse.)

Anyway, to make a long story short, I was peering into the screen trying to figure out who was actually making the text blurry – my computer or I, when it happened. My computer screen exploded into a riot of colors that began to swirl and twirl, opening up a sort of tunnel, which had a sort of light at the end. Now, most tunnels that I encounter these days have absolutely no light anywhere – they are dark, damp, and dingy. So I was mighty pleased with this particular tunnel, and I jumped right into it.

The practical ones among you would expect me to end up in a hospital, with my head bandaged up and me being nursed back to health by a Tom Cruise look-alike nurse (No! NOT Ben Stiller look-alike…no way – not even in your imagination would I be nursed back to health by Ben Stiller look-alike.) The more imaginative readers would expect me to find light and be happily ever after.

How pleased am I to tell you that both of you are wrong. The moment I landed in my computer, the light at the end of the tunnel vanished. I looked to my left and then to my right, and saw that bits and bytes were zipping and zapping up and down…and the whole place looked as busy as hell. Before I could make sense of it all, a byte zoomed in near me, picked me up, flung me on his shoulder…and banged my head against a passing zip file.

I’d have immediately lost consciousness, had curiosity not forced me to keep my eyes open. The byte who was carrying me, glided past many different folders. I saw my favorite software applications and I saw their less favored cousins. While Photoshop and Flash proudly displayed their six-packs that they got through their rigorous work routines, all those other applications looked like they could use some work. They lounged, they loitered, and they had all put on weight. Illustrator, in particular, looked like a bum; beer-bellied with a week’s worth of stubble! Not their fault, I thought and made a mental note of it.

While I was taking it all in, the byte who was carrying me, missed a step; and I saw myself flying into the No Fly Zone!

With a soft thud I landed on a file. I looked around and saw rows after rows of files after files. The file on which I landed opened up and swallowed me. I realized that I’ll never be found again – because I was in one of the hidden files.

I have painstakingly encrypted this message in one of the icons on your desktop. The icon automatically sends a message to your browser and forces it to display this message on my blog. So, if you are reading this…please HELP!

Toony Pretzels Cartoon – Essentials of Asset Evaluation by Shrew and Shrewd!

If you haven’t done your share of Asset Evaluation, here’s a quick definition to get you going.

Asset Evaluation is the process of determining the current worth of a portfolio, company, investment, or balance sheet item. (Source: Investopedia here.)

I don’t know why but this cartoon reminds me of “The Trump Card,” a twisty tale on the matters of fidelity.

And if you aren’t touchy about the issue of fidelity (or infidelity, for that matter) enjoy some cool jokes about cheating at the following links.

• Cheating Husband Jokes (obviously they need a dedicated link.)
• Cheating Husbands, Wives, Couples etc. Jokes

Caricature/Cartoon – Shia LaBeouf wondering whether the Transformers are really worth the hassle?

The caricaturist presents a colorful yet confused Shia LaBeouf.

Ohhhhh Noooooo! Is this what I've begun to look like? What have the Transformers have done to me?!

Down the Memory Lane:

Where do I begin? With his transformation through Transformers or with his disturbing Disturbia? I think I first saw Shia LaBeouf in the first movie of the Transformers series. He looks a lot like the boy who used to live in my neighborhood – in another lifetime. I didn’t like that boy a lot. I thought he was a lot dumber than me (and he reflected the sentiment towards me.) He ended up running his father’s paint shop, a task that doesn’t require you to be a genius, and I ended up poking fun at others – so effectively both of us turned out to be right.

But I’ve digressed from the topic completely. That neighbor-o-mine isn’t the topic of this post, Shia LaBeouf is. So let us talk about him.

Shia LaBeouf’s Scanty Biography:

Shia LaBeouf was born on June 11, 1986. He began working as a Standup Comedian at the tender age of 10 (BTW, he used to look really cute as a child.) He played Louis Stevens on Even Stevens. His first movie was “Holes” in  2003, which was followed by Disturbia (A remake of the Rear Window – an Alfred Hitchcock movie) and then came the Transformers in 2007.

In 2008, Shia became famous as Sam Witwicky, the teenager whose yellow car draws him to the war between the Transformers. The next movie in the Transformers  series (Revenge of the Fallen) got delayed because of his accident in which he broke his left hand. This must’ve been a really bad year for Shia because:

• He broke his arm,
• He injured his eye,
• He received the Razzie award for the worst screen couple with Megan Fox

I don’t know if the Transformers have really been nice to him – but they’ve definitely been nice to his bank balance, which I guess is a good enough reason for him to stick with them – but then should he be giving an eye and an arm for it, is a question that he ponders upon in this caricature.

Shia LaBeouf’s Personal Life:

Shia’s personal life is possibly the most not-happening sort of personal life in all of Hollywood.

• Shia’s got 3 tattoos (just 3! Imagine that. He is 25 and he’s got just 3 tattoos!! What is he? A Crabby Old Fart??!)
• He smokes…cigarettes, I mean.(Great! So does half the world. He’s got to take some cues from Lilo.)
• He has raised legal hackles only three times (…and he’s come out clean on all three occasions!)
•  He likes to get into relationships with his female co-stars, including Megan Fox. (What? So he’s not even gay. Tell me, what’s so cool about a straight man in these troubled times?)

The only thing that makes me a little interested in his personal life is that he likes to date women who are already in a relationship. Thank God for small misdemeanors!

Follow Shia LaBeouf’s life at: http://www.shialabeouf.us/

Honey, who shrunk the Caricaturist?

When I woke up this morning, I found myself in a room sans ceiling and walls. I looked around trying to figure out where I was, but I couldn’t. The place looked liked the inside of an igloo (not that I’ve ever seen one actually,) but the walls looked like they were made of glass.

I began to wonder. Was I abducted again? You know how I am slipping into a habit of getting abducted by different sorts of people all the time. So I steered my reasoning in that direction, trying to figure out what this hemispherical glass cavity could be. The glass wasn’t transparent – it was more like I was caught under an inverted Opalware bowl!

I looked around, trying to find an anchor for my reasoning. What was I lying upon? Uh…oh. It did look like a coarse napkin folded into a triangle. And what was that huge insect-like animal that stood near the edge of the room? An ant? An ANT?! Yes! It was an ant, and it looked formidable. I could ride it – the way they rode that ant in “Honey I shrunk the Kids.” But they were four and I was alone – and I really wasn’t that sure of my inter-species communication skills – especially with no translator in sight!

So I decided to stay put.

I am still lying in my table-napkin bed, being as quiet and still as I can, waiting for that gigantic ant to leave, so that I may get up and explore the place to find a way out. If this is the same bowl that I had set on the kitchen table to dry, I think I should be able to find my way out. I don’t think it’ll take me long. And until then, I might not be able to post. But my dear visitor, I’ll have you know that the thoughts of this blog shall give me the courage that I require in the hour of need.

I hope that this message reaches you, because I really don’t trust the Internet connection under this bowl. It’s too weak – it appears that along with me the GBs too have shrunk into KBs.

I intend to be out of this place and regain my normal form soon. My sketchbook too has shrunk to 2 pixel by 1 pixel and there’s no way I can squeeze in a whole caricature in that size.

Microscopically yours,
The Caricaturist
From under the Opalware Bowl
Placed upon the Kitchen Table

Rock and Roll on Stranger Tides with Captain Jack Sparrow!

Quoting self:

People who use prescription glasses shouldn’t watch movies in 3D.

I watched the fourth movie in the Pirates of the Caribbean series, “On Stranger Tides”…and I watched it in 2D!

But wait. Who’s watching ME? Is he the imposter or is he Captain Jack Sparrow? Must be Johnny Depp, the guy who has been impersonating Captain Sparrow – right? Anyway, here are the eyes of this entity.

I'm watching you.

If you think that I have lost my head completely, you haven’t watched the movie. Right at the beginning of the movie, our dear dirtily dandy Captain Jack Sparrow arrives in London. Why? Well, it’s because he’s looking for someone who’s been going around telling everyone that “he” is Captain Sparrow. A sparrow she is, as we later discover, and she’s known in Hollywood as Penelope Cruz.

Do I see you with your mouth so wide open that your jaw is about to come unhinged? Didn’t you know  – PoC-4 doesn’t star Keira Knightly the thin but ethereal beauty. Instead the bulb-nosed, long-faced, funny-accented Penelope Cruz has taken her place (thankfully they called her Angelica and not Elizabeth.) She fits into the movie almost as well as Keira would fit into an XXXL gown. She looks horribly, horribly, and horribly out of place. But never mind her – you could close your eyes whenever she gave that funny smile of hers and not miss a thing!

Anyway, here’s the story.

************Spoiler’s Warning Begins**************

Don’t worry, you’ll not know a thing if you read on…so read on!

************Spoiler’s Warning Ends**************

Well, as I said earlier Captain Sparrow finds that the funny woman, who we just described, was impersonating him. This obviously infuriates him, and he plans his revenge, which would include spiriting the funny woman across stranger tides to a deserted island and leave her there, after (note…AFTER) he told her that he loved her. (What other kind of revenge would you design if you looked and moved like Captain Jack Sparrow?)

So, there wasn’t the Flying Dutchman, the Black Pearl, or even Elizabeth. But yes, there were the mermaids, the Spanish, the black magic wielding Blackbeard, and King George II.

PS: There indeed was some black magic going on in the movie. When I left the hall, two eyes followed me out.
PS2: I’ve got to stop. The eyes are watching my every move!

PS3: Though it seems impossible, yet if you haven’t seen this caricature of Johnny Depp, you should click the following image

Where is the cheese...Captain Sparrow?

Caricature of Matt Mullenweg – The Founding Developer of WordPress – The Caricaturist Strikes Again!

Of course, you know Matt Mullenweg.

He is the founding developer of WordPress, the blog service without which I wouldn’t be blogging. He is 27, unlucky in cards (wonder if it matters to him?), loves to play music, and he has made it to the Caricaturist’s hit list!

Yesterday I received this email from Jane Wells, which said that I should try out the new improved WordPress dashboard, and make a post…and well…that there might be a teeny-weeny chance of my blog appearing you know where.

The problem however was, the contest (if I may call it that) is for the writers. So I, the humble caricaturist had to think logically. If you’ve known Van Gogh and Modigliani, you must know that an artist never counts logic among his strong points.

After a lot of deliberation, I finally concluded that I should draw Matt Mullenweg’s caricature. Before you read the rest of this post, here it is.

...anddd....here's WordPress!

Why did I draw Matt Mullenweg?

Well. Here are some of my reasons.

• He looks rather cute in his cowboy attire – not at all like a future programmer!
• He is the reason I am blogging and dreaming about getting Freshly Pressed (though the dream faces the risk of going stale soon.)
• He has recently received another one of those zillion awards that he really doesn’t know what to do with.
• He has a blog (powered by…WordPress. What were you thinking?) And so who knows he might be busy writing a post using the new avatar of WordPress’s text editor, hoping that his blog might feature on Freshly Pressed!
• Who knows…Matt might be passing by Jane’s desk (do they live and work in the same city?) and he might see her reviewing my blog-post, and he just might think that it’s a good idea to get a printout for his grass-board!

I could go on and on with the reasons, but they won’t help, because Jane Wells will fall asleep half-way through my rant, and I’ll lose my golden opportunity.

So…Adios!
See you later…in the Nineteenth Century Transylvania!

The Caricaturist writes from the Center of the Earth

…and should return by the weekend.

You must’ve surmised that the Caricaturist must be on an errand of great importance – only then would she disappear so completely. Imagine. A whole week without a new post. You know that your dear caricaturist would never ever let you down, unless she was called away for a greater purpose – OR unless an unexpected, uncontrollable event took place.

I have to report that it was the latter.

It happened on the 8th of May, 2011. After publishing Gaddafi’s Caricature, I felt extremely tired – It was quite a job scavenging all that information on him, and I didn’t have the US Intelligence working for me. So I decided to make myself a hot cup of tea. Imagine my surprise when I realized that I had run out of tea-leaves – an organized, methodical person like me, who uses innumerable diaries, post-its, and other data-capture devices to keep a tab on everything that has a tendency to vanish. I remembered making a note of the task, “Buy Tea-leaves/Tea-bags”, and adding a red circle with VERY IMP. scribbled in red across it – but I missed it completely. I guess it was because I didn’t open that particular diary for a week, and I didn’t open it because I didn’t remember which diary it was!

Any way, before I confuse you completely, let me finish the story.

When I discovered that I had exhausted the supply of tea-leaves/tea-bags, I rushed out to the unfriendly neighborhood grocer to buy some. In my hurry, I didn’t see the open manhole, and before I realized it, I was tumbling through a dark vertical shaft. I tried to look around, but I was falling at a great speed, and the shaft was pitch-dark, so I couldn’t really make out the texture of walls. Worse, I expected to hit the bottom anytime…in other words, I knew that death was imminent.

I closed my eyes and thought about my sweetheart, my parents, my brother, my dog, and my new-found American friend (and her dogs and her favorite dog’s dad…), my other friends, my office, my co-workers, my landlord, my landlord’s sons and daughter-in-laws, my neighbor’s black cat, the squirrels on the terrace, the birds…the list went on…the prime-minister, the US president, the president’s wife, the Queen, Lady Gaga…and the list continued to grow…the Chinese Premier, Hitler, Muammar Gaddafi, Osama bin Laden, my MOTHER-in-LAW!!!!!

That shocked me! I must’ve reached the end of my list, but there was no end to my free-fall. In fact, it was at that point that I fainted.

When I opened my eyes, I was lying on a straw-mat in a cave. Two cavemen, three cave-women, and about a dozen cave-kids were gathered around me. I tried asking them where I was. The good news was that those cave-kids were smart, so one of them picked up what appeared be a fruit of some sort. He used a stone-knife to cut it into two halves, and pointed to the center. So that was it. I had reached the Center of the Earth!

After a lot of cajoling, the kids gave me a laptop that they had recovered from the stuff that kept coming through the man-hole, and I have managed to contact my family. They’ve contacted the Indian Government, and the Indian Government has contacted the Chilean Government – requesting them to send the rescue team that worked on rescuing the Chilean miners, to…well, pull me back to the terra firma.

I should return soon…until then, pray for the Caricaturist’s well-being.

(Credits: Message posted using the Laptop that the cavekids so kindly shared with me. This post wouldn’t have reached you, if it hadn’t been for those cave-kids and their dream of starting a WordPress Blog.)

Leaving to Attend the Royal Wedding – Just Received my Invitation!

Folks, I am sorry but I have to leave. I know that it’s on a very short notice, but when the Queen invites you to her dear grandson William’s wedding with Kate Middleton, you have to oblige (oops, the wrong choice of words…but I hope the Queen would understand that a delayed invitation could lead to such errors.)

Let me recount the events, which led me to make this post.

It was 5:00 AM and I was about to post the boy wizard’s caricature when I heard this knock on my door. At such an early hour, you don’t expect me to be dressed for the day, so obviously I was in my pajamas when I opened the door to a man who introduced himself as one of the Queen’s Royal Guards. He handed me the gilded wedding invitation, and apologized for the delay. According to him, first he was held up by the Taliban in the AfPak region, who mistook him for a possible Jackpot (read: an American Journalist). They released him last week, after realizing that he was just an innocent messenger.  He could have reached me the day before yesterday, but then he couldn’t get the card across the Indian custom officials – who were mesmerized by the “glitter of gold.”

I am making this post from the special jet that the Queen chartered for me. I am highly indebted to the Queen for naming this jet, “The Caricaturist One” in my honor. I extend an open invitation to the entire royal family to stay in my humble abode whenever they visit Delhi.

Here’s a scan of the invitation card (I couldn’t resist sharing it.)

Invitation for the Royal Wedding - 2011

Now I need to check with the guard whether it’s okay to attend the wedding in my pajamas. With such a short notice, I didn’t have time to shop for a formal gown. If I don’t get time to shop in London, and if pajamas are off the dress-code list then I hope one of the royal ladies will condescend to share her wardrobe with me – just for the occasion.

Sorry folks. Have to stop now. Just now the pilot has asked me to fasten my seat belt as we’ve entered England and would be landing soon:)

A Blog Carnival for Bloggers – Tell the Story-in-the-Caricature – April 2011 – Edition 8!

Dear Bloggers,

Welcome to the new edition of the Story-in-the-Caricature blog carnival. Call it a storytelling festival or a spark of inspiration for the writer within you – but write a story that wows your readers!

Here’s the caricature to inspire you

The rules haven’t changed – but I should repeat them for the new storytellers.

Here are the Rules for the Participating in the Storytelling Carnival

1. Write a story, small or big, about this caricature.

2. Publish the story on your blog, along with this caricature.

3. Leave the link to your post, as a comment to this post here.

4. The festival ends on April 30, 2011.

The Four Rewards for this Story Carnival

1. All the story links added for stories published along with the above caricature, until the last date, will be published on this blog in May 2011, along with your blog-address, and a link to the About Page of your blog.

2. The blog addresses of the participating bloggers will find way into my “The Storytellers” blog-roll.

3. We will also request all the story-writers to publish the links of other story-writers in a blog-post on their respective blogs. This will help the story writers find more readers – but of course, this would be voluntary.

4. The first blogger to do everything right (publish the story on his/her blog with the caricature, and then leave the link of the story against this post) will get the opportunity to name one international celeb that he or she would like to see caricatured.

Important Note:

Pornographic/Obscene Language won’t work:) so keep it clean.

Happy Writing:) I’ll wait…as I always do:)

Caricature/Cartoon – Julius Caesar – The Roman General and Cleopatra’s first Roman Paramour!

Julius Caesar was born on the thirteenth of July, 100 BC – just about 2110 years ago. You know him as the guy from Shakespeare’s drama Julius Caesar, in which he dramatically cries out “et tu Brute!” before he dies; as the Egyptian Queen Cleopatra’s Roman paramour; and as the untiring pursuer of the fearless Gauls in the famous Asterix comics.

Here’s Julius Caesar with his Laurel Wreath and two butterflies auditing the quality of the wreath.

They use only the most tender leaves for making his wreath.

A Short Biography of Julius Caesar

Caesar was born in a noble but poor family. His wasn’t a typical rags-to-riches saga, but he did have a tough life. At 16 he was heading his family, at 17 he became the high priest of Jupiter for which he had to break off his engagement and get married to another girl from a noble family; and then before he turned 21, he was forced to go into hiding because Sulla, the then dictator of Rome was weeding out the potential threats. Caesar’s mom’s family had to pull some strings to get him a pardon – after which Caesar joined the army.Only when Sulla died, Caesar returned to Rome.

Caesar came back poor and had to stay in a lower-class neighborhood (slums?) As he still had to put food on his rickety table, he decided to become a lawyer. One thing led to another (as it always does in stories that become too long to tell,) and in 60 BC he won the election and became a consul (whatever that means – if you know, please feel free to enlighten me.)

Caesar’s Personal Life

Caesar’s first wife Cornelia died in 69 BC. He then married Pompeia. She was suspected of having an affair with a guy who had a really complex name. the chauvinist Caesar didn’t approve of it at all – “Caesar’s wife should be above all suspicion,” he said in Roman – and divorced Pompeia. About 10 years later, he married Calpurnia to further his political career. Eventually, he discovered Cleopatra and he had an extra-marital affair with her.

Julius Caesar and Cleopatra

Cleopatra the ruler of Egypt met Caesar when she was already onto her second husband (who was also her younger brother) Ptolemy 14th!
(Wow! Those guys were super-creative when it came to naming their children…it must have something to do with the royal inbreeding program followed by the Egyptian royalty.)

Nevertheless, she decked herself up in a rug and met Caesar and they went for a long cruise on Nile – a lot of interesting things might’ve happened between them and some say that Cleopatra conceived Caesarion, their son, while they were bobbing up and down on the Nile. Though they say that J and C were crazy about each other, I’d say that Cleo was just trying to get some political mileage out of her relationship with Julius – or why would she land in Mark Antony’s lap the moment Caesar cried “Et tu Brutus”?

If you are completely nuts and you want to read more about JC and Cleo’s mushy love-life, check out the following two links:

1. http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/3329
2. http://www.suite101.com/content/julius-caesar-and-cleopatra-a224138

Caesar’s Relationship with the Gauls

Caesar’s relationship with the Gauls could be described as troubled at best (source: Asterix Comics:)) He had brought the whole Gaul under his control and converted it into Roman territory, save one tiny little village, where Asterix and Obelix lived. His army was scared of the two Gauls, because they had the magic potion that Druid Getafix used to fix for them (and as a child, Obelix had fallen into a cauldron of the magic potion – I hope that the potion had cooled down when he fell into it.)

Once again, to cut a long story short – you need to pick an Asterix comic to understand it completely…or you might want to get in touch with Albert Uderzo, who in my opinion, is the best comic book illustrator and cartoonist in this world.

Caesar’s Assassination

Caesar’s popularity and his re-election as the dictator of Rome for the third time in succession led to a strong wave of jealousy among the senators. About 40 senators stabbed him to death in the Theater of Pompei. With his death, the Roman Republic died to give way to an empire, with Caesar’s adopted son Octavian becoming the emperor.

I guess this is all that I want to tell you about Caesar…and his butterflies.

Julius Caesar Quotes

There two important quotes that should be mentioned here.

Et tu brute! : This phrase literally means, “You too Brutus!” You should exclaim “Et tu brute” when someone you trust cheats on you. For instance, if your dog bites you. This phrase should never be used when your politicians cheat you, because you’d be a fool to trust your politicians.

Caesar’s wife should be above suspicion: This phrase means, people who are connected to people who have an image to cultivate, should not have ghosts in their cupboards. Example:? (Can you see me scratching my head…I too would need a laurel wreath soon.) Please feel free to add an example to the comments section:)

Caricature/Cartoon – Sherlock Holmes – The Greatest Fictional Detective Ever!

Sherlock Holmes, the character was born in  Sir Arthur Conan Doyle‘s imagination. ACD was a Scottish author and doctor. The world first made acquaintance with Mr. Sherlock Holmes in Doyle’s first story, “A Study in Scarlet.” Sherlock Holmes was actively solving crimes in London, from 1880 to 1914.

Here’s the caricature of Sidney Paget‘s rendition of Arthur Conan Doyle’s hero, Sherlock Holmes.

You, Sir, have been scampering through the drains of London. You have arrived at 221B Baker Street by climbing through the window of Watson’s bathroom. You are here to consult me on a matter that concerns you deeply.

Sherlock Holmes – A Biography

He was born on January 06, 1854 (the date and the year of his birth have been distilled from  different stories.) This makes Holmes a Capricorn, and from whatever I’ve gathered of sun-signs, his personality seems to match the stereotypical Capricorn. Thus, it’s rather obvious that Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock’s literal father, was deeply influenced by Linda Goodman who was born in 1925. It’s once again obvious from this, that Doyle knew how to travel through time and this is how he could meet Ms. Goodman…(or is my reasoning fallacious, Mr. ‘Olmes?)

Did Sherlock Holmes have a family?
Well. Mr. Doyle refrained from staining the personality of his objective, no-nonsense hero by talking about his family. Whether or not he had parents can’t be deduced from the stories (so we’ve got to go by our good old common-sense) but that he had a brother is evident. His brother Mycroft Holmes, according to Sherlock, was equally gifted but he didn’t bother honing his skills up. If he had bothered, we would’ve read Mycroft Holmes mysteries instead.

Did Sherlock Holmes ever fall in love?
He probably did, with Irene Adler, “the woman” who managed to outsmart  our detective genius. Otherwise, Sherlock Holmes was interested in women only when they brought him his cases. 100 years on…does it tell us that Holmes was gay?

Sherlock Holmes’ Psychology

Quoting myself…

I’ve begun to believe that if a perfectly normal person visited a psychologist, he’d come off that couch believing he had at least three major and one minor psychological ailment. Look around. Everyone gets depressed once in a while and the durations vary.

One of my aunts would get very-very angry, throw things around, and then shut herself up in her room shunning food for the entire day, until everyone grew concerned and until she had everybody’s attention. Then she would be the happiest person in the whole house. In those days, you’d call such people temperamental and let them be themselves. The lady spent a perfectly normal life, reared a son, became a grand-mother, and she now continues to harass her grand-daughter-in-laws(?) She’s 82 now, quite healthy, and would live for another 10 years! Her cool-headed practical husband, on the other hand, left for his other-worldly abode twenty years ago! Had she been taken to a psychologist, she’d be diagnosed with some or the other disorder, and she’d possibly have preceded her husband to that other world, worrying why the heck wasn’t she born normal!

But I stray from the point.

The psychologists weren’t happy analyzing and branding real people, and so they decided to determine what was wrong with Sherlock Holmes. Something has to be wrong with everyone whose a celebrity…right? I mean what could be a better way to belittle their achievements? Check out the list of celebs with syndromes here.  It makes me wonder whether to become a celebrity you need to buy yourself a syndrome.
So here’s what Holmes was diagnosed with:

Quoting from Wikipedia:
Holmes may have Asperger’s syndrome based on his intense attention to details, lack of interest in friends or a social life and tendency to speak in long monologues.

(I think that I have Asperger’s too… and all this while I thought it was so because I was an introvert! Poor me…never knowing…struggling through my miserable life without knowing what actually is wrong with me!) Also note that “a severe family trauma” could be the reason why he never trusted women. If only Holmes were real…and could defend himself.

Sherlock Holmes – Original Drawings

If I asked you to tell me whether Sherlock Holmes had a nose that was a) spherical b)Hawk-like c)Bulbous d)Snub, then chances are good that you’ll select (b) as the correct option. We have Sidney Paget to thank for visualizing and drawing Sherlock Holmes with such consistency that  even photography may fail to achieve. The image that I always carry in my head is not the one that is seen in the Sherlock Holmes movies or TV Shows, but those that are there on the pages of that hefty volume, which despite many readings, remains one of my favorite books!

My caricature of Mr. Holmes takes after Sidney Paget’s visualization.

View the Original Holmes Drawings here.

Dr. John H. Watson

Dr. Watson was Holmes’ flat-mate and friend, and he was the one who compiled and narrated his adventures. However, Holmes believed that Watson were a romantic and so he embellished the truth thus reducing its objectivity. In the stories that involve young and pretty women, Watson could be seen commiserating with them and speaking to them tenderly, much to the chagrin of Mr. Ever-grumpy Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes in Popular Culture

Arthur Conan Doyle wrote 4 novels and 56 stories around Sherlock Holmes.
The novels are as follows:
* A Study in Scarlet – the first work in which Holmes appeared – it was published in 1887
* The Sign of the Four – 1890
* The Hound of the Baskervilles – published as a serial in 1901-02
* The Valley of Fear – published as a serial in 1914-15
(Source: Wikipedia)

Professor Moriarty – the Master Villain in the Sherlock Holmes Mysteries

It’s said that Doyle created Professor Moriarty so that he could “kill” Holmes (possibly because he wanted to write something different.) He is considered (by Holmes himself) a man his equal in mind, yet someone who had turned his phenomenal powers towards evil. In the Final Solution, Holmes and Moriarty both die, yet the public forced Doyle to bring him back, which he did through the Hounds of Baskervilles set in an earlier time. The public still wasn’t happy – they wanted Holmes to be alive and well. Finally Doyle gave in and Holmes was resurrected. Moriarity had exceptional mathematical abilities…imagine that!

Other Characters in the Sherlock Holmes Mysteries:

• Baker Street Irregulars
• Inspector Lestrade
• Mrs. Hudson – the Landlady
• Inspector Stanley Hopkins

Free Downloads – Sherlock Holmes Mysteries

The Books by Arthur Conan Doyle are now in the Public Domain. You can download them from the Project Gutenberg site here.

And…if you are wondering who are the actors who’ve played the part of Sherlock Holmes in TV serials and movies…find your list here.

Caricature/Cartoon of Neo a.k.a Keanu Reeves hacks into the Caricature Matrix!

Neo has finally hacked into the Caricature Matrix!

In this Caricature Matrix, everyone sees everyone else as a caricature of his real-self…and this is also true for Neo a.k.a Keanu Reeves, who appears here in his caricature avatar!

I’ll be truthful. I didn’t know anything about this gentleman until I watched The Matrix, then The Matrix Reloaded, and then The Matrix Revolutions! Even then, I knew him only as Neo the hacker, who asked the multi-million Dollar question – What is the Matrix? He was this tall, slim, rubberband of a man who wore dark glasses and was never sure of his own potential, which everyone else happened to know about! I found Morpheous (played by Lawrence Fishburne) a far more interesting character…all Neo made me wonder through out the trilogy was why the heck was he interested in that emaciated, vertically stretched, Na’vi-like woman called Trinity, who wore shiny black body paint?

I must’ve seen him in a couple of other movies…but I didn’t give him more than a passing thought…and even that passing thought was – why does he have those oriental eyes on an extra long non-oriental face?

But I gradually began to realize that Keanu Reeves is a popular star…and he rules many hearts, including the one that belongs to our dear Barb.

So…ladies, gentlemen, and everyone else,
Please welcome the Caricature of Keanu Reeves to this blog!

Mysterious Keanu Reeves

Here’s a Snapshot of Keanu’s Biography:

Keanu was born in Beirut, Lebanon, on September 02, 1964. His passion for stage an acting came from his mother and his oriental eyes from his father who had among his ancestors, a Chinese. His father abandoned his mother when Keanu was 3, and so he never had anything to do with his father. His mother moved from husband to husband, until she married the fourth time, broke up and decided to call it quits. Since Keanu’s mom moved to Canada after her second marriage, he spent most of his childhood there.

Keanu wasn’t great at studies. His lack of interest in studies is said to be because of dyslexia. (According to this page here many famous people suffer from dyslexia, and the list includes “Whoopi Goldberg, Keira Knightley, Susan Hampshire, Orlando Bloom, Keanu Reeves, Richard Branson, Henry Winkler, Patrick Dempsey and Tom Cruise“!)

Interim Update – The Asperger Syndrome?

A comment made to this post made me research some more. Some experts believe that Keanu might have the Asperger Syndrome, which is characterized (among other things) by difficulty in maintaining meaningful social relationships and a quirky behavior. I guess Asperger’s might be a lot more common than what the experts believe!

Keanu Reeves’ Rise to Stardom:

Keanu Reeves journey to stardom began with a movie about hockey (Keanu used to love playing hocky,) which was shot in Canada. Next he was seen in the movie, River’s Edge. His performance in this movie received critical acclaim but what truly established him in Hollywood was his role of Ted in the movie, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, a movie based on Time Travel.The next four years were a quiet time in which Reeves took more sophisticated roles. In 1994, he made an impact with Speed. The next few years were a low time for him, until the release of Matrix in 1999.

The Mystery of Keanu Reeves:

Reeves’ Charisma is often attributed to the air of mystery that surrounds him.

• He took a cut of $2 Million on his pay so that The Devil’s Advocate could cast Al Pacino!
• He took a 90% cut on is pay for The Replacements. Why? So that Gene Hackman could be cast in the movie.
• He also refuses offers of good movies; this deepens the mystery around him. (example: Speed 2, Platoon)

In his own words, “I’m Mickey Mouse. They don’t know who’s inside the suit.”

I think that this sums up his journey rather well…For his first movie “Young Blood” he was paid USD 3000. For Matrix Revolutions he was paid USD 15 Million and 15% of the Gross!

Different Keanus:

Sad Keanu:

Read about the Photoshop Meme (and watch its video too), which shows a sad looking Keanu sitting on a bench, here.

Immortal Keanu:

Could it be that he is immortal? Here’s why some people think that Keanu Reeves is immortal!

Married Keanu:

They say he never married – they say he got married. Only Barb can tell.

Gay Keanu:

He neither accepts nor denies it, so…is Keanu Reeves gay?

Left-handed Keanu:

Well…Keanu’s sort of left-handed, but he plays bass (for a band called Dogstar) with his right hand. Guess that makes him an ambidextrous or…a freak?

 

Are you Keanu-krazy? If you are, and if you liked Keanu’s caricature on this page, you should visit Barbara G. Tarn’s Website at: CreativeBarbwire.wordpress.com.  Check out her Portraits of Keanu Reeves in her book, “Keanu Portraits 2001-2009”

As always…thanks to Wikipedia and IMDb for being such fantastic resources of information.

Caricature/Cartoon of A.R. Rahman, Indian Music Composer and Oscar Winner!

A.S. Dileep Kumar who for some personal reasons changed his religion to Islam and his name to Allah Rakha Rahman is an Indian musician and music-composer, who won two Academy Awards for Slumdog Millionaire a movie directed by Danny Boyle.

Here’s my take on this legend.

The Halo of Music...or Controversies?

A Short Biography of Rahman:

A.R. Rahman was born on January 6th 1966, in an affluent Hindu Tamil family. His father composed music for Malayalam films. He lost his father at a very young age and it was somewhere around that time when he and his entire family decided to change their religion and convert to Islam. According to this article here AR Rahman’s mother (Kareema) was a Muslim and after his Hindu father’s death, the family reconverted to Islam and acquired Muslim names. The reason why he changed his religion is still shrouded in mystery, however, it’s said that he did it to save his sister’s life.

Rahman is married to Saira Banu (not the emaciated yesteryear beauty though!)

An Interesting Bollywood Coincidence, which will make more sense to Indians:

Here it goes.
Saira Banu (of vintage Bollywood variety) married Dilip Kumar, who changed his name from Muhammad Yusuf Khan to Dilip Kumar – she did have to struggle with Yusuf Khan’s polygamous nature though. However Yusuf Khan took up the name Dileep Kumar only as a screen name with a wider appeal, and saw he was never on the wrong side of the law by having more than one wife.
Saira Banu (wife of AR Rahman) married AR Rahman, who changed his name from Dileep kumar (don’t worry about the spelling) to AR Rahman.

Coincidences happen in a chaotic world…right?

A. R. Rahman’s Meteoric Rise:

Rahman’s rise in Bollywood began with his meeting with Mani Ratnam in an advertising awards function, after which he gave music for Roja in 1992 (Note that Rahman was paid 25K INR (about USD 1000 in those days) to compose music for Roja, this is in stark contrast to around Rs. 5 Crores equivalent of USD 1 Million for composing the Commonwealth Games 2010 Anthem) After Roja, he created music for many Tamil films, until he got the opportunity to compose the songs for Rangeela. After the success of Rangeela’s songs, Rahman continued to work for the Mumbai Film Industry to compose many hit songs. Among his noteworthy films are: Rangeela, Dil Se, Taal, Rang De Basanti, Bombay!

His Album “Vande Mataram“, which he released on August 15, 1997 (the fiftieth anniversary of India’s independence,) sold more than a Million copies in India.

Find an extremely detailed biography of Rehman here.

Rahman’s Jai Ho wins him the Oscars:

In 2009, Rahman wrote the score for “Jai Ho“, which helped him win the first two Oscars for India. He got the Oscars for Danny Boyle directed movie “Slumdog Millionnaire”. (Unfortunately, the only movie about India that became internationally famous is an extremely biased movie, which completely ignores the positives of India to accentuate and glorify its poverty.) The two Academy Awards that he won were for Best Original Music Score and Best Original Song.

Visit Rahman’s official website here.

Rahman in News Again:

The newest news on the international scene is that AR Rehman has bagged 2 Oscar nominations for Danny Boyle’s 127 hours. What’s noteworthy is the ease with which Rahman has been able to establish a long-term relationship with Danny Boyle – I’d have loved to see him work with other Hollywood Directors too…but Rahman is a steady goat, isn’t he? I hope he gets the Oscars this year, because after the CWG Anthem fiasco, which gave us a soggy song (read about it here) touted to be better than Shakira’s waka-waka, I’d love to get a confirmation that the awards were for the musical score and not for a fantastic rendering of India’s poverty. Go Rahman Go! Get those awards and win back my trust…if you’d care to.

Want to know if I am an ARR fan?

I love some of his work – if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have drawn his caricature here:) But I saw him on the CWG stage – and I don’t think that if his…what was the CWG Anthem again?…well that anthem needed the crutches of Jai ho, especially when after the whole corruption scandal we were waiting for him to spin gold or silver at least…so – my current status is “NOT FAN!”

I believe there are things that are bigger than money, fame, and even Oscars. A sense of pride in being what you are and carrying it through with your head held high. I’d never work for a Slumdog Millionnaire nor would I ever charge Rs. 5 Crores for composing an anthem for my country.  (Remember that it was the first time in its history that India was hosting a sports event at International scale!) But I guess I am being the milkmaid, if you know what I mean:)

Caricature/Cartoon – Troy Polamalu of the Pittsburgh Steelers – National Football League of America

I wouldn’t have known about Troy Polamalu, the Steelers, or even the NFL…had it not been for Tim Berners Lee,  Matt Mullenweg, and Nancy Johanson, so I begin this post by thanking them.

But I learned about him, I looked at his images and his videos and I was smitten…by his hair!

Troy Polamalu of Pittsburgh Steelers, and his Magnificent Hair!

Especially for the fans of Troy Polamalu:

Download Troy Polamalu’s  Printable High-Resolution Caricature (PDF)

Troy Polamalu’s Shortest Biography on the Web (and I mean it.)

Troy Polamalu who plays for the Pittsburgh Steelers in different defensive roles, was born on April 19, 1981. He began playing for the Steelers in 2003. He first played in the Superbowl of 2006, which the Steelers won with 21-10 defeating the Seattle Seahawks. In 2007, the Steelers gave him a never-before-seen-in-the-history-of-Steelers contract, which totals around USD 50 Million.

Polamalu’s Change of Name:

He changed his surname to Polamalu, his mom’s maiden name. He was earlier called, Troy Aumua!

Polamalu’s Jersey Number 43 (yes, I mean it.)

His Jersey #43 moved from being the 15th highest selling jersey among all NFL jerseys in 2008, to the highest selling jersey in 2010 (according to the NFL.com shop.)

Polamalu’s Personal Life:

Troy Polamalu is married to Theodora, has two sons, is an Orthodox Christian, and a soft-spoken person.

Polamalu’s Hair (Ahem!):

Well…
Here’s the math.
Let’s say, I took time “t” to draw his caricature.
I spent 0.9t (90% for the right-brained a.k.a. mathematically challenged) time drawing his hair!
So his Hair IS important, and this is probably why P&G has paid a Million Dollars to get his hair insured. (Reason: He endorses the Head & Shoulders Shampoo) . The Steeler #43 gets a haircut about once a decade, and grapevine has it that if anyone thinks ill of his hair, he ends up staying late at work on the Superbowl night – so Beware!

Question: Do you think Clay Matthews‘ hair can compete with Polamalu’s?

Another interesting byte about Troy & Clay is that they both played college football at University of Southern California!

Read more about Troy Polamalu at the Wikipedia Page

Data Hounds, find data at:

• The Yahoo Sports Page
• The ESPN Page

Interesting Byte:

As all celebrities have their sets of alternate amorous realities, I tried searching for Polamalu’s by googling for “Polamalu Love Affair” – Guess what popped up?
HAIR!

And…quoting Polamalu:

“We’re a road team. We’re the Pittsburgh Steelers. We have fans everywhere.”

About Superbowl 2011…

And now about the Superbowl XLV (45 for the non-Romans), in which the Pittsburgh Steelers will play the Green Bay Packers of Wisconsin in the Cowboy Stadium at Arlington, Texas!
The Superbowl tickets went for..
$2842  to $23730  each!!!

…………)))))
…….))))
….))
..)
.

(Sorry! Had to pause to pull my eyeballs back into their sockets!)

Guess they are ALL sold out now (Imagine that!)

So…

Wherever you watch the Superbowl 2011…

in your homes or in a sports bar…

Go Wave your Terrible Towels…
Fly the Steelers Flags…
Paint yourselves Gold and Black…

May the Steelers win the Superbowl 2011!

Coming up Next…A Caricature of a Portrait!

Last night I dreamed that I couldn’t get out of my house because my caricatures were protesting outside. My caricatures had organized a rally and they had congregated from all over the world to protest against my casual attitude towards them. They were holding placards that read “The Caricaturist has let us down”, “We want her out!”, “It’s our blog!”, “She’s turned against us!”…and so on!

Guess I’ve been keeping busy with drawing portraits and dreaming about meeting Leonardo da Vinci in person.  But that Caricature Rally jolted me back to my senses, and I drew a caricature.

Coming up Next – IS the CARICATURE of a PORTRAIT – The Mona Lisa (also called Monalisa) by the arto-scientific genius Leonardo da Vinci

For all of you who’ve boarded the Caricature Express recently, here’s the caricature of the Master,  drawn from his self-portrait.

 

Monalisa's Creator - Leonardo da Vinci!

I’ll meet you at the next station with Monalisa’s caricature and the true explanation of her smile!

 

Announcement – Blog Carnival for Bloggers – Tell the Story-in-the-Caricature – December 2010 – Edition 7!

Dear visitors, bloggers made of matter as well as antimatter, and all other esteemed treasure-seekers,

The November 2010 Storytelling Blog Carnival was…well, to be honest…it had but one participating entry – so, you can’t even say that it was a carnival

But let’s not worry about the past; let us charge into the future!

Here’s the caricature for the December Carnival.

What's his story?

Here are the Rules for the Carnival:

1. Write a story, small or big, about this caricature.

2. Publish the story on your blog, along with this caricature.

3. Leave the link to your post, as a comment to this post here.

4. The festival ends at the midnight of December 31, 2010.

The Three Rewards for this Story Carnival:

1. All the story links added for stories published along with the above caricature, until the last date, will be published on this blog in January  2011, along with the blog-address, and a link to the About Page of your blog.

2. The blog addresses of the participating bloggers will find way into my “The Storytellers” blogroll, and of course in the Carnival posts that I make through out this month.

3. We will also request all the story-writers to publish the links of other story-writers in a blog-post on their respective blogs. This will help the story writers find more readers – but of course, this would be voluntary.

An Important Note:

This blog has absolutely no tolerance for pornography and abusive language and so any comment/story containing such material will automatically disqualify from the Carnival.

Let your creative juices flow…tell us your story

Caricature/Cartoon – Oprah Winfrey – The Rich Talk Show host who Oprahfied two Vacationing Mice!

After a long hiatus…presenting...Oprah Winfrey, the television host of The Oprah Winfrey Show, who is the world’s only black billionaire, and well…the most influential woman in the world.

So, you see…it was essential that we waited!

Post-Oprahfiction, the Mice realize that you don’t need your own money to get a tan!

Oprah Winfrey’s Shortest Biography on the Web (I hope so.)

Oprah was born on 29th January 1954, somewhere in rural Mississippi, a difficult place for an African American, even as late as 1950s. She had a difficult childhood – her mom definitely wasn’t the greatest moms in the world, possibly because she herself was a teenager when Oprah was born. Vernita, her mom was a maid who left little Oprah with her Grandmother Hattie Mae Lee. According to Wikipedia (where do you think I got about half my information from,) they were so poor that Oprah had to wear dresses made of potato sacks! Guess that was when she made up her mind to kick poverty out of her life.

Oprah’s miserable childhood wasn’t just the result of her potato-sack-clad poverty, but also the loose morals of her cousin, her uncle, and a “friend” of the family, who molested her. Oprah chose to run away when she turned 13, became pregnant at 14, and lost her child at birth. Finally, her mom sent her to the gentleman who she now calls her father (and who possibly is,) Vernon Winfrey. Her dad decided that she should study. Oprah was a bright and extremely popular student as a child. One thing led to another and she began to read news at the local black radio station.

Oprah’s popularity continued to grow and in 1983, she hosted A. M. Chicago. Within a few months, she had overtaken Phil Donahue, another media personality of great caliber. This was the time when The Oprah Winfrey Show was born.

Read Oprah’s detailed biography here.

Interesting Oprahbytes!

The Oprah Winfrey show drew its largest audience when Oprah interviewed Michael Jackson: 36.5 Million; David Letterman drew its largest audience when Letterman interviewed Oprah: 13.45 Million! Wow!

Oprah’s Personal Life

The glimpses of Oprah’s personal life can often be seen in her show. She’s suffered a good many lows in her life, including the time when her hair fell out completely (beware of getting your hair permed, if it could happen to Oprah, it could happen to anyone in the world,) and then her weight problem which was a result of her depression (no rewards for guessing who caused the depression – a man, of course. The point to note (and learn) is that in Oprah’s life, these could’ve been inflection points – but she pulled herself out before she was sucked into the whirlpool of depression.

Where is Oprah Now?

Just yesterday, Oprah received Kennedy Center Honors from Obama, along with the hero of her youth, Paul McCartney of the Beatles.

Comedian Chris Rock parodied the situation by saying, ‘No one deserves this award more than Oprah Winfrey, but no one needs it less,’ comedian Chris Rock said to laughter from the audience.

The Oprah Effect and Oprahfication

And finally, if you could get those smart, cunning, difficult-to-impress marketers to speak of the Oprah Effect, you must really be something! Quoting from the Wikipedia entry on Oprah Winfrey, “The power of Winfrey’s opinions and endorsement to influence public opinion, especially consumer purchasing choices, has been dubbed The Oprah Effect” Then there’s something called “Oprahfication“, which is the act of making a public confession and being cured, in the process. Oprah thus, is almost a religious institution where you could make a confession and relieve yourself of your sins.

Now about the question that’s I can hear coming from the depths of your heart…

How much does Oprah Winfrey Earn?

Good question. Around 300 Million USD a year!

So…you know how much it must’ve cost me to bring her to my blog. Well, now that she’s here…go get Oprahfied!

Where is the Antimatter from the Big Bang? I know and I fear for my Life! – A Tiny Verbal Caricature.

I have been invited to speak at a seminar called “Psychological Matters” in a parallel world made of Antimatter. They have couriered an antimatter suit that I should get into at that exact point in time when I step over the threshold of the portal.

The problem is, the CERN scientists got a whiff of it (what with NSA breaking all humanitarian laws to go snooping and sniffing into the emails of innocent people like me) and they traded the information with CERN for their share of Antimatter when its isolated in a reasonable quantity. The grapevine says that as a down payment they are demanding half of the Million Antiprotons that have been isolated.  So there’s this flock of CERN scientists running after me. They want me to lead them to the Antimatter, and because despite all their theories they haven’t been able to find out where all that antimatter of the matter-ial universe landed after the Big Bang!

I was to return in two days – but now I am scared. I expect those scientists to be lurking near the portal, hoping to get into the portal as I get out of it…and there’s going to be a stampede, I assume because when in a crowd, even the scientists don’t think – so they’d be climbing over one another to snatch the antimatter suit from me and get to the other side!

All this is too scary to be posted in your favorite Caricature blog – isn’t it? I’d even classify it as mature matter! So please stay away – expect explosions in a couple of days from now – when I return!