The term “Theory” is defined as: Fundamental or abstract principles underlying a science or an art.
It’s time for a reality check. We need to know whether the doctor who’d be cutting us open, studied in a medical school with a lab and got some practice…or whether he got that degree online…or did he just buy it off the shelf?
Dear Readers of Every-kind,
I am back from the past. Here’s what’s been happening since my return.
Tom Cruise, and Leonardo DiCaprio weren’t there at the Time-Portal to welcome me home. In fact, I also didn’t see Demi Moore, Penelope Cruz, and Madonna among those who had gathered to welcome me to this timeline. I don’t blame them. I know that your love for me might make you angry at all these actors, I’d request you to exercise restraint. They have a valid reason to feel unhappy about my return – they have found out that they are on the Caricaturist’s Hit-list.
Before you ask my why I didn’t contract Pricewaterhouse-Coopers to keep the list secure, I must remind you that this Caricaturist is the first of The 4 Types of Artists, and that PwC’s price-tag was a tad higher than I was willing to shell out. Nevertheless, I am not concerned. Other than these four, everyone else who’s anyone was there with bouquets of roses (thorns included), boxes of candies, and of course with requests that I shouldn’t caricature them, if possible.
… with an Ultra-Caustic review of my Free eBook at Barnes and Noble’s Nook.
Phew! Never thought that I’d get a 2 Star on a book that 4 NON-anonymous readers gave me 5 Stars for! But then I understand that just the way some people who like to donate anonymously, some like to comment anonymously. I appreciate the witticism in the comment, which goes as follows:
“Forgot 5th type of artist…Really bad self-published ones. Don’t waste your time. -5* – By Anonymous”
Hey! Does it say “-5*”?!! *Minus 5 Star”??!!! Oh Boy! I hope that the book didn’t cause any sort of fatal injury to the reader. I mean how terrible the experience must have been! I wish my Zeta reader tons of luck for recuperation. Now, if you are strong enough to stomach the contents of my awful, awful, awful book, check it out here.
If you disagree with my sweet anonymous commentator, will you please make another comment with your persona identified?
I must also mention that this anonymous commentator had the distinction of being the first of his (or her) kind, and so I mention the comment here. All other anonymous comments shall be royally ignored as I tap into the last drops of royal blood in my veins.
On smashwords however this book along with its sister book “The 5Ps of Creativity”, appears on the first page of the highest rated Free books in the Entertainment category. Don’t believe it? Well, here’s the link:
http://www.smashwords.com/books/category/87/highlyrated/0/free/any
Thank you, dear readers, for putting it there.
In the meantime, I invite my blog-readers to share their experiences with anonymous comments. They say that happiness grows when shared…or was it that sorrow reduces…
And finally, I bring you…
Well…well! The cat’s out of the bag, the mouse is out of the trap, and the mystery of those missing blogging hours is solved!
I’ve re-discovered my lost love for cartooning, thanks to the Great Ajit Ninan. There’s a lot I need to learn…but then quite like any other artist, I can’t wait to post my cartoons…so don’t go away…I’ll be back after a short break 🙂
Before I return to the future and to this blog, I’d like to write a bridge post.
Here are some of the searches that my blog has received in the last two months. While I understand the seriousness of these queries, I have to share my interpretation of these searches with you.
Search Term 1: Depressed woman sketches
No. No depressed woman sketches for this blog. When this woman is depressed and she sketches, she begins to smile – you see, the depressed woman doesn’t remain depressed when she sketches, and so it’s the smiling woman that you see sketching, not the depressed one. Confused? Hop along to the next term.
Search Term 2: Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Panties
Wow. Those panties are famous, aren’t they? I mean when I wrote about the lady’s scanty panties, I thought that I was talking about something that had escaped note of others, but it appears that I was wrong. I now realize that every second person (hopefully of the male variety) is looking for Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s Panties! I believe that she should now get into the business of selling her panties. She can source panties at $2 per panty, snuggle in – wiggle out, and then sell them for $20 a panty. I can’t recall another business that operates on 90% GPM – can you?
Search Term 3: Shafali’s Caricature/Shafali’s Cartoon
This is something. Isn’t it? Folks, I know I am famous, but I am not that famous that you’d have cartoonists and caricaturists clamoring to draw my pulchritudinous physiognomy! And I am definitely not narcissistic enough to go on drawing myself.
Though in one of my previous posts, I said that my avatar looks a lot like me, I must admit doesn’t portray me too realistically. I’ve removed the third eye, the broken front upper tooth, the sharp canines, the broomstick hair, the bullet hole in my left cheek, and of course, that extra knob on my nose. I hope this description helps you visualize the real me. You are of course welcome to turn in your sketches made as per the true description given here. The best wins a special mention in a post and a … dark, deep, bloody kiss on the neck. (slurp!)
Search Term 4: Caricature Cartoon of Abhishek Bacchan by Shafali
Whew. This is what I was scared of. C’mon, dear searcher. I won’t draw the guy unless I was paid to draw him. His dad is the only Bachhan I’d draw of my own free will. Mr. Junior B will never motivate me enough, I am sorry folks but he just ain’t my cup of tea.
However, if you are really keen on a Bacchan, check out his dad, who’s still infinitely more interesting than all other Bollywood heroes put together.
Search Term 5: Caricature of a man who looks like a rat
Dear Searcher, you’ve got to be more explicit in your description. Could you please tell me the kind of rat that you want this man to look like. I mean, do you want a ratty sort of rat, or a mousey kind of cute one, or you’d like a field rat perhaps. And do tell me if you are looking for a tail too? Should I add some whiskers? And yes…one more question – should he be inside the trap or outside it?
But before you answer all these questions tell me this. You are looking for Saddam Hussein’s caricature, aren’t you?
Search Term 6: Cartoon tongue
A cartoon tongue?!
I am speechless.
Search Term 7: Caricature of Best Boss
What doesn’t exist cannot be caricatured. – The Caricaturist.
(Note: If you have indeed seen such a creature, run for you life! He (or she) must be a mutant, an alien, a vampire, a zombie, a ghost…anything but a human. Best Bosses, even real good bosses don’t exist! Nope. Never. Nada.
Search Term 8: IITian Cartoon
Ask this gentleman, who is an IITian, a writer, and an artist too!
Search Term 9: Shafali’s Characteristics
My characteristics? Let me think.
Well. Here’s the tip of the iceberg or the top 3 items on the list.
1. Black and White
2. Light and Dark
3. Sweet and Sour
But why are you interested in my characteristics? Are you worried that I might yet be another ingredient in the recipe of an anti-matter bomb?
Oh I get it. Your keyboard played a prank on you, you were looking for Shafali’s Caricatures…well, find them here 🙂
Search Term 10: Caricature walking on blood
Eeeeeyyyeeeeee! Haaaaallllpppppppp!
Search Term 11: Cartoon Dog in Nazi Uniform
The closest I could get was this.
But what my dog tells me is that when they had tried to put a dog in the Nazi uniform he bit his handler!
Search Term 12: Hair on its own
Hah! All over my house – except on my head, where I think it belongs! I hate it when my hair speaks of freedom and independence – but then it watches TV, you know.
Thank you for the inspiration, my dear searchers.
Other posts in this series:
Has your tongue ever slipped? Have you ever spoken of President Osama, or the ex-chief of Taliban Obama Bin Laden? If you have and if you’ve told yourself that it was a Freudian slip – you know this guy.
Meet Sigmund Freud, the gentleman who told us that sex drives us to do everything in life. Okay…may be not 100% of the things but about 99.9% of them. I could tell you a lot about his theories, but being a caricaturist, it’s my duty to exaggerate the…well…the ones that interest the masses.
But before I talk further, here’s my rendition of the aforementioned gentleman.
I know what you are thinking.
I know that it’s traditional to provide you with a biography of the subject – so I must tell you that this gentleman was born on May 06, 1856 in the then Austrian Empire. During the time of the Nazi, Freud moved to London along with his casting couch (oops! A Freudian slip there. I meant, his “consulting” couch – the one that the caricaturist found herself on, during her recent trip into the past.)
More of his biography can be read here and here.
Freud is known for the following (and more) – with the caricaturist’s interpretations.
—————Legalese Begins————-
An Important Note for all the Psychology Students who are looking for stuff to copy for their assignments. If you want to copy the explanations given below, please be my guest. I waive all copyright for psychology students who want to save some last-minute work and copy the following explanations for their assignments. I will however not be responsible for their grades (or the lack thereof) in any manner.
—————–Legalese Ends—————
Your dreams can be analyzed by your shrink to discover what “sexual” forces drive your apparently “innocent” actions. (Read about Dream Analysis.)
Whenever you work against your conscience, it’s because your unconscious mind is directing your actions. So never berate yourself for anything – you are responsible only for what your conscious mind does. (Read about conscious, unconscious mind…phew.)
This is the complex that a boy suffers from when he hates his father for bringing him into this world (well, he hates his father because he’s attracted to his mom and jealous of his dad, but logic suggests that it must be the final outcome that irks him the most.) (Read the gory details of the Oedipal Complex and the Electra Complex (yep! why shouldn’t women have their own complex?) here.)
Id is your elemental self. It is the only one that matters. Ego and Super-ego help you communicate with others who your Id doesn’t consider its equal. (Read about Id, Ego, Super-ego…)
Ever since you were born, you’ve been thinking about sex. (Oh, actually, it all began in the womb.) Freud based this theory on his personal experiences. I don’t want young mothers to begin looking at their kids with suspicion so I won’t say more on this, but you are welcome to read about the psycho-sexual development of humans here.
This isn’t a slip that the gentleman in question wore under his shirt – instead it’s a slip that we make when we say what we want to say instead of saying what we should’ve said. (If you aren’t satisfied with my definition, read more about the Freudian Slip here.)
Expanding the Freudian Slip (No…it’s not made of spandex, I repeat.) I’ve packed a huge bundle of laughs for you.
He is also known for his drawing: “What’s on a Man’s Mind?” Once again, Freud based this drawing on his personal experiences…but don’t take my word for it.
And before I forget…here’s the couch that I talked about in my previous post, “Circa. 1920, London – The Caricaturist and the Couch“.
Time travel results in a time-lag, which is just about a 100 times worse than a jet-lag. It disorients you so completely that you often experience difficulty in differentiating between reality and fiction. What I mean is that right now, I think that I am imagining this whole computer and internet thing. It’s all fiction, isn’t it?
Actually, I am lying on an extremely comfortable couch, which is covered with oriental looking rugs. There’s a rug (looks Turkish, but I can’t be sure) on the wall behind the couch…and there is a lovely carpet on the floor. The room’s dimly lit, and the overall feeling is that of all the tiredness leaving my body and mind, and serenity replacing it.
I want to do nothing more than to fall asleep, but before I close my eyes, I see a face – a bearded man with a cigar in his hand looking into my eyes. The expression in his eyes makes me hear words that he hasn’t spoken. I hear him say, “I know what you are thinking.”
The next thing I remember is finding myself out on the pavement. I sat with my back to the wall, furiously drawing his face, trying to capture the look in his eyes…
I’ll share the picture with you – and then you can tell me what you think about that haunting look…
Writer ~ Artist ~ Storyteller
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