Caricature/Cartoon – Leonardo DiCaprio – The Abagnale Jr. who grew up to become J. Edgar!

This guy?

Who else but Frank William Abagnale Jr. now known as J. Edgar Hoover, a.k.a Leonardo DiCaprio!

The Caricature, Cartoon, Portrait of Leonardo DiCapiro, the Hollywood Actor of the Titanic fame. Shown here as a combination of Frank Abgnale (Catch me if you can) and J. Edgar Hoover (J. Edgar.)

Catch me if you Can!

Leonardo DiCaprio’s Tiniest Biography on the Web

Every sensible biography must begin with the birth of its subject. Leonardo DiCaprio was born on November 11, 1974 in LA, California. As it happens, most people who go on to become famous in their lives, come from a broken home; so was the case of Leonardo whose parents separated when he was a toddler. Leonardo’s dad however was not a normal person. He was an artist…even better, he was a comic book illustrator. So his dad’s influence made Leonardo explore his creative side (?) when he was little. Leonardo went to work at the tender age of 5, but was kicked out of the show for unprofessional behavior (?!) Leonardo wasn’t a good student (obviously, if he were the world wouldn’t be talking about him and obscure caricaturists wouldn’t be drawing his rather unique physiognomy,) nor was he a smashing-hit with the fairer-sex.

One thing led to another, and then I saw him in Titanic (the movie, I mean, not the ship) smooching Kate Winslet. I checked out my parameters of handsomeness and wondered why the west found him good-looking! (BTW, he’s taller than he looks. He’s 5 feet 11 inches or more!)

Anyway, Leonardo DiCaprio’s first movie wasn’t Titanic, it was “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” for which he was nominated for an Oscar (He doesn’t look like himself in this movie though). He was nineteen then. Well, one movie led to another, until “Titanic” happened. “Titanic” catapulted Leonardo into being an international celebrity. I read that 28 Kabul Barbers were apprehended by the Taliban because they were giving those kids the Leonardo-Haircut!

Why Leonardo was called Leonardo?

When Leonardo hadn’t found his way out of his mom’s womb, she went visiting a museum. The yet-unnamed-Leonardo decided to kick his mom for the first time when she stood admiring a painting by Leonardo Da Vinci. Every mother wants to remember that first-ever kick (and hopes that the child would stop kicking once it’s out,) and so Leonardo’s mom decided to call him Leonardo.

Leonardo DiCaprio’s Famous Movies

Some of his movies are:

  • This Boy’s Life
  • What’s Eating Gilbert Grape
  • Titanic
  • The Man in the Iron Mask
  • Catch Me If You Can
  • The Aviator
  • The Departed
  • Blood Diamond
  • Body of Lies
  • Inception
  • J. Edgar (Recent)

The Caricaturist’s Opinion on the DiCaprio movies that she’s seen

I watched “Titanic” but it made me sad. I don’t like tragedies. There’s enough sorrow in real-life and I really don’t like spending my time watching movies in which the hero dies. I loved him as King Luis XIV in “The Man in the Iron Mask,” a movie that may or may not be historically accurate – but who cares – not the Caricaturist! “Catch me if you Can” is fantastic. Geniuses of all types make me feel optimistic and happy…and knowing that Frank William Abagnale Jr.s exist makes this world a more interesting place for me. I watched “Blood Diamond” and wondered what the heck we need those diamonds for. Even if I had millions, I’d not waste them on a stupid piece of shiny rock that I could tie around my neck and get Spondalytis. In my opinion, no sane person should wear diamonds…but then if the world was sane, I’d not have anything to do. Who’d I ridicule then?!

Finally, “Inception.” I hated the movie, and I have a strong reason for hating it. I watch movies because I want a break from work. This movie puts your mind to work, and that too in the highest gear. You’ve got to go on calculating the dream-depth, the corresponding time-span that Leo and his team can spend in the dream…additionally you’ve got to remember the names of the dream-owners and the team-members who get left behind on the higher level! Phew! The movie left me with a headache that refused to leave me for two whole days! And this movie got several award nominations…thankfully, it didn’t win many awards or I’d have to wonder.

J. Edgar (A movie made on the life of perhaps the longest-serving FBI director J. Edgar Hoover) is right now running in the theaters. I am wondering whether I should watch it in the theater or I should wait for it to premier on television…still thinking 🙂

A Toony Pretzels Cartoon – Defining Loneliness

Loneliness once was a real feeling resulting from lack of real friends and real family. Now…they say that the feeling of loneliness still is quite real, but its drivers have changed. I grew up in a time when there was no Internet and in places where there was no television, no telephone, and at times no electricity. There were times when my family stayed in places where there were no other families around. Was I lonely? I don’t think I was. I had so much to do. I’d bind my own books, make my own dresses (and my doll’s dresses too,) study, draw, grow vegetables in my mom’s kitchen garden, and even cook. I don’t remember feeling lonely ever.

But now, I hear of loneliness ever so often. I hear of kids not knowing what to do if they didn’t have their smartphones with them, I hear of young girls and boys jumping off the high-rises because they were depressed, and I read about women in apparently happy relationships suffering from anxiety and depression. I am sure that the feeling is extremely real for them, but I can’t really get a handle on the causes…

I just wonder whether we were a stronger lot before Internet shrunk our world into a ragged ball of tangled connections.

Presenting…

Loneliness!

A Toony Pretzels Cartoon - A take on Facebook Depression - Defining Loneliness - emails, facebook, twitter, blog - Depressed Woman.

Loneliness is the state of feeling sad or deserted due to isolation.

If you are troubled by this cartoon, you should click the following links:

PS: If your virtual life appears empty and meaningless, walk out of the door into the street. The real world too has a lot to offer. Give it a chance 🙂

The Time Machine: Asterix the Gaul by Albert Uderzo and Rene Goscinny

Time Machine Icon for the History of Comic Strips Posts

Introductory Gibberish – Skip it!

Last night when I got into my Time Machine for my umpteenth trip into the past, I forgot to check the fuel-meter. Only when the machine stopped whirring and began coughing and spluttering, did I realize what sort of idiot I had been! Thankfully, the machine stopped in the year 1955, and gasoline had already been discovered. I shudder to imagine what might’ve happened had the gas lasted up to the Neolithic or even the Paleolithic era.

However, the point that I am dying to make is that I turned lucky as the Time Machine materialized in the backyard of a house in France. I stepped out of the machine and looked around. There was snow all around me – and in fact, there was a snowman too. I did a double take when I looked at the snowman. Believe it or not, the snowman looked exactly like Asterix! I shuffled my memories…trying to get the timeline straight. In 1955, Asterix didn’t exist. The world (okay, France) first met Asterix the Gaul in 1959! Something just wasn’t right.

And then I saw a young man wearing earmuffs, a fur jacket, and a pair of snow-boots (No. He wasn’t dressed like Obelix, I assure you.) He was sitting on a log with an A3 Sketchbook on his knees. He was sitting there, drawing people with gigantic noses! That’s how I recognized him. His noses are the biggest in the world of cartooning – and if you tell me otherwise, you must not have read Asterix comics.

I asked the young man about the snowman, and he told me that the snow-guy was a figment of his imagination. Obviously I asked him for his name, and he told me that he was Albert Uderzo.

So, that’s how I ended up writing about Asterix.

Introductory Gibberish Ends 🙂

The Theme of Asterix Comics:

Asterix the Gaul lives in a little Gaulish village that remains unconquered despite rest of the Gaul having been captured by Julius Caesar. The secret of their invincibility lies in a magic potion that Druid Getafix fixes for them. After the villagers tank up on the magic potion, they bash up the Romans and pack them off.

The Characters in Asterix Comics:

While Asterix is the main protagonist, there are a lot of other important characters too, and each of them has his own distinct personality. The second most visible character is Obelix. Obelix is huge and dumb while Asterix is small and smart. Obelix has a cute little dog (a terrier, I believe) who is called Dogmatix (who was called Idefix in French). Then there are the others. There’s Chief VitalstatistixBard CacofonixDruid Getafix, the fish monger Unhygienix, and so on.

The main and the constant opponent is Julius Caesar who is unable to accept the fact that this little Gaulish village makes minced meat out of his able troops.

The Stories/Adventures of Asterix:

Each Asterix book tells a story. The stories are usually set in an around the Gaulish countryside, but sometimes Asterix, Obelix, and Dogmatix travel to distant lands.

The Unique Selling Proposition of Asterix Comics:

Why am I, the forever cynic, sold on Asterix comics?
Honestly, it’s because they are simply awesome. The characters, the action-lines that make the scenes come alive, the strength and the smoothness of the drawings, the composition of the scenes, the details of the clothes, buildings, and places – and the dialogs too!

The Creators of Asterix:

Perhaps every Asterix-lover knows that Rene Goscinny and Albert Uderzo created this little giant who’s loved the world over (perhaps not so much in America, though I wonder why not.)

Rene Goscinny did most of the writing while Albert Uderzo did most of the drawing…but both could draw extremely well. Unfortunately Goscinny died rather young – at the age of 51. In 1977, he suffered a heart attack while he was taking a stress test. This happened while Goscinny and Uderzo was working on Asterix in Belgium. This book was later completed by Uderzo.

After Goscinny’s death Uderzo continued as the sole-creator of Asterix comics. Thus, Adventures 25 to 34 were created by Uderzo alone.

And

A few other things…

for instance,

  • The Gauls are scared of the sky falling on their heads. (So are the Democrats!)
  • Obelix’s favorite war-cry is “These Romans are crazy!” (What’s not noted in the books is that Obelix’s concern was well-founded. Most of those Romans were tattooed and pierced in all the right and some wrong places.)
  • Dogmatix loves trees and he hates it when anyone attempts to harm the trees. (Obviously, because trees are important for dogs.)
  • Bard Cacofonix is often found tied up to a tree while the whole village feasts. (Apparently, this is to stop him from singing. Where were all those human rights people back then?)
  • Chief Vitalstatistix loves to gorge himself all the time, while his shield-bearers use every opportunity to topple him from the shield. (Thankfully there were no unions in the little Gaulish village.)
  • Obelix is invincible because when he was little, he fell into a cauldron of magic potion (Ewww…the potion has cooled down, I hope.)

I could go on and on…but I’d recommend that you read the real thing instead:)

Caricature/Cartoon of a Musician – Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart!

Mozart, they say, was a musical prodigy. Even before he was five, he could play the keyboard and the violin, and he performed in front of the Royalty. Obviously such performances today will lead to protests by various organizations that safeguard the interest of children…so it was good that Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was born in 1756 and not in 2006. With that little detail out of my way…
I present the caricature of the wigged musical genius, Mozart.

A Caricatured Portrait or a Cartoon sketch of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart - The 18th Century Musician and Composer who was a child prodigy.

Mozart’s Biographical Sketch by the Caricaturist (Obviously exaggerated):

Mozart was born on a cold wintry morning in the January of 1756, in a place called Salzburg. Mozart was born with the musical gene riding his y chromosome, which he got from his dad. Incidentally his dad also had the right connections (he himself was in the court orchestra,) and a teacher of music. With the right genes, the right guidance, and the right push, it wasn’t long before Mozart and his sister made their first court appearance as child-prodigies.

It wasn’t that Mozart’s childhood was a bed of roses. I can imagine a three-year old being tutored by his dad, and a six-year-old being made to perform in front of the royalty – it sends a shiver down my spine! I am glad I wasn’t his sister, who went through a similar ordeal.

In 1773, when Mozart was 17, he got the job of the court musician at Salzburg. Unfortunately, job-satisfaction evaded him. He also thought that he wasn’t paid well. Obviously then, he did what anyone would do in his position, he floated his resume in the market. In 1777, Mozart had enough of Salzburg. He resigned and moved to Paris. Unfortunately, nothing worked out for him and he fell into debt. His dad however was one of the sweetest dads ever (quite like the Bollywood Star Amitabh Bachhan, who did everything to establish his son in Bollywood,) and he found a job for his son,…once again in Salzburg – the place Mozart didn’t want to come back to. But he did – and then gradually the wheel of fortune began to turn for him.

Mozart’s Love Life:

  1. Mozart’s first love was a singer called Aloysia, who lost interest in him while he was struggling all over Europe. (Women – bah!)
  2. After Mozart had established himself in Vienna (1781), he took up accommodation with a certain Weber family. One thing led to another and it wasn’t long before Mozart and Constanze (one of the daughters of the Weber family) became an item.

As it happens with most artists, Mozart too suffered a lot many ups and downs in his career.

Other Stuff about Mozart:

  • There’ve been rumors that Mozart suffered from Tourette Syndrome.
  • Mozart loved to play practical jokes on people. As Mozart preferred off-color humor (called scatological humor – be careful while clicking the link…it’s got some off-color stuff), people who were the butt of his jokes weren’t too pleased with him.
  • He also played Billiards and kept pets.
  • Mozart did become a Freemason sometime in the 1780s.
  • Mozart loved to dress-up (check out the frill in front of his coat, and that neat little bow on his wig.)

If you are the musical kind, you may want to check out Mozart’s Music here 🙂

Toony Pretzels Cartoon – Essentials of Asset Evaluation by Shrew and Shrewd!

Toony Pretzels by Shafali - Cartoon of a Nagging Wife and a Cheating Husband - The Shrew and the Shrewd and some Asset Evaluation

If you haven’t done your share of Asset Evaluation, here’s a quick definition to get you going.

Asset Evaluation is the process of determining the current worth of a portfolio, company, investment, or balance sheet item. (Source: Investopedia here.)

I don’t know why but this cartoon reminds me of “The Trump Card,” a twisty tale on the matters of fidelity.

And if you aren’t touchy about the issue of fidelity (or infidelity, for that matter) enjoy some cool jokes about cheating at the following links.

The Caricaturist belly-lands…Crash, boink, boink, boink, scrreeeeeech…ooof!

Dear Readers of Every-kind,

I am back from the past. Here’s what’s been happening since my return.

The Caricaturist’s Hit List Leaked – Causes Bad-blood!

Tom Cruise, and Leonardo DiCaprio weren’t there at the Time-Portal to welcome me home. In fact, I also didn’t see Demi Moore, Penelope Cruz, and Madonna among those who had gathered to welcome me to this timeline. I don’t blame them. I know that your love for me might make you angry at all these actors, I’d request you to exercise restraint. They have a valid reason to feel unhappy about my return – they have found out that they are on the Caricaturist’s Hit-list.

Before you ask my why I didn’t contract Pricewaterhouse-Coopers to keep the list secure, I must remind you that this Caricaturist is the first of The 4 Types of Artists, and that PwC’s price-tag was a tad higher than I was willing to shell out. Nevertheless, I am not concerned. Other than these four, everyone else who’s anyone was there with bouquets of roses (thorns included), boxes of candies, and of course with requests that I shouldn’t caricature them, if possible.

Anonymous Reader and Commentator Makes my Day with a Minus 5 Rating!

… with an Ultra-Caustic review of my Free eBook at Barnes and Noble’s Nook.
Phew! Never thought that I’d get a 2 Star on a book that 4 NON-anonymous readers gave me 5 Stars for! But then I understand that just the way some people who like to donate anonymously, some like to comment anonymously. I appreciate the witticism in the comment, which goes as follows:

“Forgot 5th type of artist…Really bad self-published ones. Don’t waste your time. -5* – By Anonymous”

Hey! Does it say “-5*”?!! *Minus 5 Star”??!!! Oh Boy! I hope that the book didn’t cause any sort of fatal injury to the reader. I mean how terrible the experience must have been! I wish my Zeta reader tons of luck for recuperation. Now, if you are strong enough to stomach the contents of my awful, awful, awful book, check it out here.

If you disagree with my sweet anonymous commentator, will you please make another comment with your persona identified?

I must also mention that this anonymous commentator had the distinction of being the first of his (or her) kind, and so I mention the comment here. All other anonymous comments shall be royally ignored as I tap into the last drops of royal blood in my veins.

On smashwords however this book along with its sister book “The 5Ps of Creativity”, appears on the first page of the highest rated Free books in the Entertainment category. Don’t believe it? Well, here’s the link:
http://www.smashwords.com/books/category/87/highlyrated/0/free/any

Thank you, dear readers, for putting it there.

In the meantime, I invite my blog-readers to share their experiences with anonymous comments. They say that happiness grows when shared…or was it that sorrow reduces…

And finally, I bring you…

The Toony Pretzels – Cartoons with a funny aftertaste!

Well…well! The cat’s out of the bag, the mouse is out of the trap, and the mystery of those missing blogging hours is solved!

I’ve re-discovered my lost love for cartooning, thanks to the Great Ajit Ninan. There’s a lot I need to learn…but then quite like any other artist, I can’t wait to post my cartoons…so don’t go away…I’ll be back after a short break 🙂

A Depressed Woman Sketches a Cartoon Tongue Walking on Blood.

Before I return to the future and to this blog, I’d like to write a bridge post.

Here are some of the searches that my blog has received in the last two months. While I understand the seriousness of these queries, I have to share my interpretation of these searches with you.

Search Term 1: Depressed woman sketches
No. No depressed woman sketches for this blog. When this woman is depressed and she sketches, she begins to smile – you see, the depressed woman doesn’t remain depressed when she sketches, and so it’s the smiling woman that you see sketching, not the depressed one. Confused? Hop along to the next term.

Search Term 2: Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Panties
Wow. Those panties are famous, aren’t they? I mean when I wrote about the lady’s scanty panties, I thought that I was talking about something that had escaped note of others, but it appears that I was wrong. I now realize that every second person (hopefully of the male variety) is looking for Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s Panties! I believe that she should now get into the business of selling her panties. She can source panties at $2 per panty, snuggle in – wiggle out, and then sell them for $20 a panty. I can’t recall another business that operates on 90% GPM – can you?

Search Term 3: Shafali’s Caricature/Shafali’s Cartoon
This is something. Isn’t it? Folks, I know I am famous, but I am not that famous that you’d have cartoonists and caricaturists clamoring to draw my pulchritudinous physiognomy! And I am definitely not narcissistic enough to go on drawing myself.

Though in one of my previous posts, I said that my avatar looks a lot like me, I must admit doesn’t portray me too realistically. I’ve removed the third eye, the broken front upper tooth, the sharp canines, the broomstick hair, the bullet hole in my left cheek, and of course, that extra knob on my nose. I hope this description helps you visualize the real me. You are of course welcome to turn in your sketches made as per the true description given here. The best wins a special mention in a post and a … dark, deep, bloody kiss on the neck. (slurp!)

Search Term 4: Caricature Cartoon of Abhishek Bacchan by Shafali
Whew. This is what I was scared of. C’mon, dear searcher. I won’t draw the guy unless I was paid to draw him. His dad is the only Bachhan I’d draw of my own free will. Mr. Junior B will never motivate me enough, I am sorry folks but he just ain’t my cup of tea.
However, if you are really keen on a Bacchan, check out his dad, who’s still infinitely more interesting than all other Bollywood heroes put together.
Bollywood Actor Legend Amitabh Bachchan

Search Term 5: Caricature of a man who looks like a rat
Dear Searcher, you’ve got to be more explicit in your description. Could you please tell me the kind of rat that you want this man to look like. I mean, do you want a ratty sort of rat, or a mousey kind of cute one, or you’d like a field rat perhaps. And do tell me if you are looking for a tail too? Should I add some whiskers? And yes…one more question  – should he be inside the trap or outside it?

But before you answer all these questions tell me this. You are looking for Saddam Hussein’s caricature, aren’t you?

Search Term 6: Cartoon tongue
A cartoon tongue?!
I am speechless.

Search Term 7: Caricature of Best Boss

What doesn’t exist cannot be caricatured. – The Caricaturist.

(Note: If you have indeed seen such a creature, run for you life! He (or she) must be a mutant, an alien, a vampire, a zombie, a ghost…anything but a human. Best Bosses, even real good bosses don’t exist! Nope. Never. Nada.

Search Term 8: IITian Cartoon
Ask this gentleman, who is an IITian, a writer, and an artist too!

Search Term 9: Shafali’s Characteristics
My characteristics? Let me think.
Well. Here’s the tip of the iceberg or the top 3 items on the list.
1.    Black and White
2.    Light and Dark
3.    Sweet and Sour

But why are you interested in my characteristics? Are you worried that I might yet be another ingredient in the recipe of an anti-matter bomb?

Oh I get it. Your keyboard played a prank on you, you were looking for Shafali’s Caricatures…well, find them here 🙂

Search Term 10: Caricature walking on blood
Eeeeeyyyeeeeee! Haaaaallllpppppppp!

Search Term 11: Cartoon Dog in Nazi Uniform
The closest I could get was this.
Adolf Hitler, Nazi Dictator, German Dicator, Perpetrator of the Holocaust - Satan!
But what my dog tells me is that when they had tried to put a dog in the Nazi uniform he bit his handler!

Search Term 12: Hair on its own
Hah! All over my house – except on my head, where I think it belongs! I hate it when my hair speaks of freedom and independence – but then it watches TV, you know.

Thank you for the inspiration, my dear searchers.

Other posts in this series:

NEWS! The Caricaturist publishes 2 Short and Funny eBooks on Smashwords!

This post has been long overdue but there were (and still are) worries that have been feasting on my time and energy. I have a lot of caricatures from the past that have been pestering me for their share of space on this blog, and I really need to get going.

So let me get you up-to-date by telling you that I’ve finally managed to publish two eBooks on Smashwords. I should tell you that Smashwords is easy, clean, and cool – and just the right tool for anyone who’s not very comfortable with the electronic technology.

Here the two of my recent efforts. If you’ve got an eBook Reader, you should download these free ebooks into your reader and read them there. These books have a strong visual dimension in the form of cartoons and they look really cool in the eReaders – at least they do in my iPad.

If you click the cover image icons of the books below, they will take you to the Smashwords pages of these two books. As you scroll down the Smashwords Book Page, you’d notice a table that lists the different formats that you can download the book in, so select the format that suits you best (I recommend PDF for reading on your desktop/laptop – otherwise select the format that goes with your eReader. iPad uses ePub.)

The 4 Types of Artists - A Verbal Caricature eBook by Shafali the Caricaturist
The 5Ps of Creativity a Verbal Caricature eBook by Shafali the Caricaturist.
The 4 Types of Artists – Starving, Dying, Dead, and Rich! The 5 P’s of Creativity

Thanks for downloading and reading. If you like them, do return for reading more 🙂 I also request you to recommend the books to your friends.

The 5 P’s of the Creative Process or The 5 Golden Steps to Creative Nirvana

(Download this article as a PDF here, and if you want to read it in your eReader, download it from Smashwords here.)

The 5 P's of the Creative Process or the 5 Step Model for Creativity and Creative Thinking

Creativity – the stronghold of the right-brained has always invited the envy of the left-brained. Oh, how they’d love to dissect and then logically analyze our brains to understand how they work and what processes they follow.

I am writing this post to tell the world that the mystery is solved and after a great deal of research and observation, it has been concluded that the creative process has been distilled into 5 distinct steps and miraculously, their names all begin with a P! I think I must be the second person after Philip Kotler to have arrived at such a P-articularly P-eculiar P-rocess.

Instead of killing you with anticipation, I’d rather kill you with my mint-fresh P-rocess.

Let me tell you about the 5 P’s of Creativity.

Warning: I stand absolved of all responsibility for lost assignments, irate clients, angry audience, whittled remuneration, and any other unhappy fallout of your using this process. However, if this process works for you, I’d appreciate if you pass this document to your friends, colleagues, spouses, children, neighbors, or even your TV-repairman  (who might be a struggling artist, for all you know.) Thank you. Now muddle on.

Step 1: Procrastinate

The 5Ps of Creative Thinking - A Path-breaking Model that establishes an easily replicable method for Creative Artists and Writers - cartoon-for-step-1-procrastinate..Folks, if you want to be creative, you need to first learn to procrastinate. I find this step extremely useful when I don’t experience one of those proverbial flashes of inspiration – and believe me, there seldom are any flashes of inspiration. I am prepared to go back on this statement-o-mine, the day I become famous – because creative flashes (gentlemen, note that these are different from hot flashes!) add an aura to an artist’s personality…but then that day mightn’t ever dawn. (Sigh!)

Research indicates that the duration of procrastination depends on the urgency of the assignment and is directly proportional to it.

How to Procrastinate Correctly?

In order to procrastinate effectively, you need to:

  • Avoid all mention of other people’s ideas on the subject in question, especially if they are in the same creative domain (writing for writers, art for artists, cartooning for cartoonists, and so on and so forth.) Such ideas would make you feel lousy and inadequate, which isn’t a healthy state of mind to be in.
  • Avoid contact with the left-brained, logic-driven, process-hogs – as they’d push you for what they term as “output” and mercilessly murder your creativity.
  • Devour news and information on the subject in question, whenever you are hit with a guilty conscience bred by your tardiness. It will make you feel less worthless.

Step 2: Panic

The 5Ps of Creative Thinking - A Path-breaking Model that establishes an easily replicable method for Creative Artists and Writers - cartoon-for-step-2-panic..After you’ve procrastinated enough, and when the deadline looms large enough to cover your entire horizon, you have to panic. This is what I do. After I’ve procrastinated enough, something begins to nag me to look at the calendar, and when I look at the date I panic.

Now don’t panic at the mere mention of this step. Look at it like this. When you panic your body gets into the state of high alert and you begin to look at all possible options to get out of the situation, which means you are now ready to generate ideas. Do you see how Procrastination leads you to Panic and Panic results in ideas? You see it – don’t you? Good.

Now the question is…

How to Panic Properly?

If you are to make best use of your panic you need to panic properly. Here are a few tips.

  • Email, message, or phone your family members, friends, and, acquaintances, and tell them that you’ve got to deliver the drawing the next day and that you are experiencing a creative blackout (something similar to what the writers bandy about as the writer’s block). Ask them to help you out. I’d call this method: Creativity Mining. Note: this sort of thing has to be done very delicately…I am sure you know what I mean.
  • If you stay with your family, darken the room and go on a limited period hunger strike! Though your family won’t realize it, you’d be able to emotionally blackmail them into generating ideas for you.
  • If and only if the above measures fail – sit down with your notebook in your hand and begin doodling – sometimes great things happen while you are doodling, just the way some great people are born because someone was out…well…doodling (also known as “sowing his wild oats.”)

Step 3: Precipitate

The 5Ps of Creative Thinking - A Path-breaking Model that establishes an easily replicable method for Creative Artists and Writers - cartoon-for-step-3-precipitateThis is the step where you make sense of your doodles. You begin connecting the dots with the topic in question. With the deadline glaring down upon you, ideas begin to flow. Everything begins to come together, and it coalesces into a beautiful workable idea.

This is also the time to have an encyclopedia, your references, and an Internet-enabled computer close by. Why? Because your imagination may end up ruining your life! Recently I did a caricature-cartoon for a magazine, in which in addition to the main character, I had to draw myriad other things, including an evil-looking shark. I got the main character right, I got the TV and the people in the TV right, but I didn’t draw the characteristic dorsal fin of the shark! And you know why I didn’t? Because I was too damn sure that I didn’t need a reference.

So…

How to Precipitate your Ideas Correctly?

  • Make a rough sketch – especially if you are creating a composition. You need to get the proportions right (or deliberately wrong – if you are a caricaturist.)
  • If you aren’t sure about how something looks, find some good references for it. I mean I couldn’t have drawn Caesar, or Napoleon, or even the Queen – if I didn’t use some reference pictures.

Step 4: Produce

The 5Ps of Creative Thinking - A Path-breaking Model that establishes an easily replicable method for Creative Artists and Writers - cartoon-for-step-4-produceWell. Now get your final worksheet/workbook/paper/canvas…or whichever work-surface you prefer, ready – and draw it – then color it if you must.

This step is easier to handle if you haven’t cut corners while “Precipitating” your idea. My personal experience suggests this step is usually the shortest (“Procrastinate” often takes the longest.) It’s also important to remember that if you’ve “Procrastinated” and “Panicked” enough, you should be really short of time by now.

As any artist would tell you, there isn’t much to this step.

Yet a How-to is warranted, so…

How to Produce your Creative Heap?

  • Sit down, concentrate, focus, and then…. let it all out. (I know…I know – it sounds just like that – and in fact…the relief is commensurate too.) If you are a budding caricaturist, you might find something useful in “The Evolution of a Caricaturist – A Book on How to Draw Caricatures,” other kinds of creative artists would do well to find their own fountains of tips and tricks to help them along this step.
  • Scan or Print your artwork. Check it out from all angles, gloat over it for as long as possible – and tell everyone around you that creative work drains you and saps you of your energy. If those around you can’t draw, they’d deify you – who knows, they might even want to get you stuffed for their living rooms – but take that chance, and enjoy the limelight.

Step 5: Pray

The 5Ps of Creative Thinking - A Path-breaking Model that establishes an easily replicable method for Creative Artists and Writers - cartoon-for-step-5-prayBefore you deliver your painstakingly created artwork to your client – Pray. Believe me, this step is almost if not more important that “Procrastinate” – because it adds that something extra to your work – this is step where you pray and you resolve that if your client likes this piece of work, then you’d never ever use the 5 P’s Process of Creativity again. This is the time when you tell yourself that when you receive your next assignment, you’ll have it ready before time…etc. etc.

I guess most artists do it already, but if you don’t you’d probably want a quick how-to on this too.
Here you go.

How to Pray and Repent for the Characteristic Artistic Tardiness?

  • Kneel, fold your hands, close your eyes, and pray that the client and the audience like your work. In the field of creative arts, prayer is the most creative art of all, so pray in a creative manner – so that your prayer catches the attention of the God or Goddess who’s in-charge of the Creative Department in heaven.
  • Write “I shall not use the 5 P’s method literally and will banish tardiness from my life,” on the drawing-sheets that you had used for rough work, at least a 100 times.
  • Tear the sheets on which you did the lines into tiny pieces, and flush them into toilet.

Repeat the 5 P’s when your next assignment comes your way.

And if you are busy with any of the five steps right now – you might want to download the PDF file for this path-breaking model for creative thinking by clicking the following icon. You can probably infer from the icon below that this PDF file comes complete with a flow-chart that you can print and tack to your soft-board as a ready reminder!

Icon for the 5P's of Creative Thinking Model pdf, which includes a printable flow-chart.

Click this picture to download the PDF of this article along with a printable flowchart!

Definition of Art…The Practical Standpoint!

Long ago I wrote a post in which I attempted to define art, purely from a theoretical and also idealistic viewpoint. You can read “Definition of art – A Theoretical Standpoint” here. In that post I had promised that one-day I would write its sequel, which would present the practical viewpoint. This is that post.

Warning:

  • If you are a budding artist, full of hope and brimming with confidence that you’d follow in Hussain’s or Raza’s footsteps, step back now. Don’t read this post. You can come back to read it after you’ve spent at least a decade trying to figure out whatever the heck didn’t work for you. It isn’t for you.
  • If painting is your only skill, and if you’ve got some surety that you’ll have someone to support your artistic pursuits all your life, without of course, expecting success in return (you know about Van Gogh, I presume) still this post isn’t for you. You might yet become what you aspire to be.
  • And finally, if you are indeed someone who comes from a well-connected family, even if you don’t draw, I’d recommend that you paint a few canvasses. The exhibitions, the fame, and even the sale of your paintings; they’ll all happen without your ever discovering why.

However, if you aren’t among the three types listed above, instead you are the more common type (the stereotypical struggling, starving artist who has crossed into his thirties and has a wife and a child to fend for,) you might want to print this post and tack it to your soft-board…or in the more realistic scenario of your not being able to afford a soft-board, you must fold the printout and put it in the only pocket of your trousers that still doesn’t have holes.

Here’s the practical definition of Art.

Art – A Practical Definition:

Art is what sells at the famous art galleries for sky-high prices.

Practically speaking art is nothing more than this.

How you get to sell your art in those famed galleries could be a matter of:

  1. Luck
  2. Slog
  3. Both
  4. The X-factor

Let me explain the above four points in greater detail.

Art Element 1: Luck

You’ve got this fabulous collection of innovative work, and you are wondering how to exhibit it. You get a call from someone who’s seen your work, admired it; and who knows someone who is somebody in the artistic circles. This person comes to your studio, checks out your work, swoons, and decides to exhibit your work in a prominent gallery. Voila! Lady Luck has short-listed you. Now your chances are bright that you’d indeed get lucky.

I’d put your chances that you’d turn lucky at about 1 in 10,000

Art Element 2: Slog (Euphemistically known as Hard Work.)

You’ve got this fabulous collection of artwork, and you lug it around to every gallery, famous, not famous, and infamous; show your work to every body from the doorkeeper to the owner, and you get the boot.  Then one gallery decides to give you a group-show. You don’t sell anything. Then the next year you lug your work around to every gallery – finally, you get a group show, and you sell one painting. Every year the number grows. After 10 years, you get your first solo, and you sell one painting. You go on doing solos. The number of paintings sold grows. Then when you turn 75, you’ve got a 50% sellout! Wow! You are an artist!

You can now tell your family that finally it’s your turn to take care of the expenses. You can now also tell your elder brother that he needn’t send you that Dole-the-Family-Artist check every month.

Art Element 3: The Combination of Slog and Luck

Now if you work hard and you get your solo in a year and a sellout in 10 years; you are a lucky slogger. Chances that you become a “real” artist who earns his bread, butter, mayonnaise…and then later his house and car, in this way – Better than pure luck, worse than only slog. Somewhere in the middle, if you ask me.

But if you’ve got that magical x-factor, then…before I kill the surprise, let me tell you about the x-factor.

Art Element 4: The X-Factor!

The x-factor is a publicly unknown factor, which is seldom made known to the general public by the artist, but which can be discovered if only the public had a keen eye.
The x-factor may include one or more of the following:

  1. High-society connections
  2. Money, money, money
  3. Empowered (and empowering) relatives
  4. The unmentionables (couches?)

I really don’t think that one post is sufficient to cover all these components. I might tell you some stories with the names changed to help you understand why these factors are so effective. I mean you really have work hard not to succeed, if at all you had the x-factor!

Chances of your becoming a famous artist if you have the x-factor: 9,997 out of 10,000!  (I keeping the 3 out of 10, 000 chance as my Get-out-of-Jail-Free card.)

Before I end this post, I’d like to publicly apologize to all the successful artists including the dot-dabber, the horse-rider, the box-maker, the shit-sprayer, the bone-master, and the can-caner!

But…you want to say something. Say it.
Okay. I’ll say it for you. You wanted to say that there are so many of those artists that don’t really appear to have the x-factor…

Observe and Identify…the x-factor.

Really?

  • Figure out whether the lady in question is the wife or the daughter of a diplomat,
  • find out whether her mom is a famous writer and how she was born in a mansion that’s right there in the heart of the city,
  • figure out how an Indian woman born a 100 years ago could get her nude pictures shot by her brother and not get shot in turn, only because she was born a princess;
  • decide why though you can draw and paint almost as well or better than a South Indian king, but you end up in a two-room apartment with a broken, discolored center-table in your drawing room (just in case you are wondering whether I am talking about the table in my drawing room I should tell you that I am talking about another, perhaps a lot more talented gentleman who is about 15 years my senior.)

Begin joining the dots my friend, and turn wise BEFORE you turn old. If you are young, I’d recommend that you try your best to attract a useful spouse who comes in either with connections or with money. If you fail at that, then the best thing that you can do is – join an advertising agency and build the right contacts.

Don’t bet your life on that one random event, which has a 1 in 10,000 chance of coming true (the chance could be even lower for all I know – I just picked a reasonable sounding figure…) If you can draw, first find a job with an ad-agency, an animation company, or a publishing house – and then try to win that lottery.
Or…
Check out one of those reincarnation schemes that assure your rebirth in a family of your choice. What? There aren’t any reincarnation schemes in the market?!! That’s too bad – isn’t it?

A Special Note for the Cynical Reader:

I am not biased against the fine art of selling the fine art. I have also written a moderate, optimistic, theoretical definition of art, which you can read at: “Definition of art – A Theoretical Standpoint”. I hope it will establish me a rational, left-brained, right-handed, useful, non-sinister member of the world community.

What Happened to Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s Panties?

This post doesn’t fit this blog, yet when it comes to things that don’t fit, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s panties win the show.

Before we discuss Rosie Huntington-Whitley‘s panties, we should first identify the lady in question. Rosie HW is the replacement of Megan Fox in the newest Transformers flick called Dark of the Moon. She’s 5 feet 9 inches tall and with her vital stats at 34-25-35 and her weight at 54 kgs, she’s the thinnest thing that you can witness in heels. In the Dark of the Moon she towers over Shia Labeouf who though equally tall looks like a dwarf beside her, primarily because the poor guy isn’t allowed those fancy six-inch needle-point heels that grace the spindly legs of this particular Victoria’s Secret model.

Those of you who’ve seen Dark of the Moon would vouch that one of the most interesting scenes in the movie was the first scene, in which the camera focuses on a thin-but-firm panty-clad butt undulating on the screen as the owner of the butt sashays up the staircase. The staircase has a lot many steps, and if I recall correctly, at least two turns. All this time the camera faithfully follows the butt and those tiny pair of  panties that work really hard to cover it. At the end of her apparently endless ascent the lady descends upon the sleeping form of our hero, and it’s then that we see the face of the lady and wonder – what the heck? But then a cute butt doesn’t always equal a cute face (and vice-versa) so we let it go, and try to concentrate on the movie.

But then Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s panties return to challenge my reason. They make me wonder.

What happened to Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s panties, after the scene was shot?

I am really, truly, even pathologically serious about finding an answer to this question, as the curiosity is killing me. And…before you ask…NO. I don’t want to buy them. Actually, you couldn’t even pay me to take them. This discussion is merely conceptual and is driven by the insatiable curiosity of an insane caricaturist.

Here are a few possibilities that come to my mind.

  1. The panties were given to Rosie Huntington-Whitely as a perk for running about on those wicked (ouch) heels.
  2. The panties were given as the weekly wages to an extra who worked in the movie.
  3. The panties were used to wipe the grease off  Bumblebee‘s engine.
  4. They were incinerated after the scene was shot.
  5. The panties were auctioned off to the male actors/employees and the identity of the buyer was kept a secret, because he had a jealous wife.
  6. The panties became a property of the director/producer.
  7. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley got them framed and gifted them to Shia Labeouf as a parting gift.
  8. They were rented for that particular scene, and were returned to the costume company after the scene was shot.
  9. The panties indeed belonged to Rosie Huntington-Whitley and she wore the same panties home after the shot.
  10. The panties were used to clean the camera lens for the next shot.
  11. When Rosie Huntington-Whitley jumped upon the sleeping Shia, they split and had to be thrown away, later to be salvaged by the janitor, who auctioned them off on eBay.
  12. The panties were returned to Victoria’s Secret and they secretly sold them off to an Indian celebrity who didn’t receive them in time and had to…well, go panty-less to a charity event!
  13. The panties were stolen by the mice-family and they made them into a mattress for the baby mice.
  14. The rumor-mill is also abuzz with the rumor that the panties were painted upon Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s marble butt, and they got washed away when someone spilled their glass of wine on them.
  15. Put up for sale in a Japanese panties vending machine? (Suggested by Nirnif.)

I know that I haven’t been able to cover every possibility, so I welcome your creative thoughts, and

I ask you, my valued reader…
What happened to Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s panties, after the scene was shot?

Caricature/Cartoon – Shia LaBeouf wondering whether the Transformers are really worth the hassle?

The caricaturist presents a colorful yet confused Shia LaBeouf.

caricature-cartoon-painting-portrait-of-hollywood-actor-shia-labouef-transformer-disturbia-colored

Down the Memory Lane:

Where do I begin? With his transformation through Transformers or with his disturbing Disturbia? I think I first saw Shia LaBeouf in the first movie of the Transformers series. He looks a lot like the boy who used to live in my neighborhood – in another lifetime. I didn’t like that boy a lot. I thought he was a lot dumber than me (and he reflected the sentiment towards me.) He ended up running his father’s paint shop, a task that doesn’t require you to be a genius, and I ended up poking fun at others – so effectively both of us turned out to be right.

But I’ve digressed from the topic completely. That neighbor-o-mine isn’t the topic of this post, Shia LaBeouf is. So let us talk about him.

Shia LaBeouf’s Scanty Biography:

Shia LaBeouf was born on June 11, 1986. He began working as a Standup Comedian at the tender age of 10 (BTW, he used to look really cute as a child.) He played Louis Stevens on Even Stevens. His first movie was “Holes” in  2003, which was followed by Disturbia (A remake of the Rear Window – an Alfred Hitchcock movie) and then came the Transformers in 2007.

In 2008, Shia became famous as Sam Witwicky, the teenager whose yellow car draws him to the war between the Transformers. The next movie in the Transformers  series (Revenge of the Fallen) got delayed because of his accident in which he broke his left hand. This must’ve been a really bad year for Shia because:

I don’t know if the Transformers have really been nice to him – but they’ve definitely been nice to his bank balance, which I guess is a good enough reason for him to stick with them – but then should he be giving an eye and an arm for it, is a question that he ponders upon in this caricature.

Shia LaBeouf’s Personal Life:

Shia’s personal life is possibly the most not-happening sort of personal life in all of Hollywood.

The only thing that makes me a little interested in his personal life is that he likes to date women who are already in a relationship. Thank God for small misdemeanors!

Follow Shia LaBeouf’s life at: http://www.shialabeouf.us/

Caricature/Cartoon of Charlie Chaplin – The Silent Millionaire Tramp of Hollywood

Update: September 03, 2013

Caricature Cartoon of Charlie Chaplin in color.

Click to view.

Painted this caricature 🙂  Check it out here.

Original Post follows:

Everyone knows Charlie Chaplin, so let me come straight to the point. Here’s my rendition of “The Tramp” the character that made Charlie Chaplin famous. Caricature Cartoon Sketch Drawing Portrait of Charlie Chaplin as his most famous Silent Film Character, The Tramp.I will save myself the trouble of telling you all that you perhaps already know, and end this post with a short biographical note about him.

Charlie Chaplin’s Short and Sweet Biography

Charlie Chaplin was born on April 16th 1889, in London. Both his parents were entertainers so the believers of genetics might say that his genes made him what he was. Yet I believe that how you nurture your talents has a lot to do with how far you go, and so the credit of Charlie Chaplin’s success cannot be given entirely to his genes. Biographies usually are a lot more than a nature-vs.-nurture discussion, so allow me to proceed. Charlie’s dad was an alcoholic. (Why do most celebs have a twisted childhood? Does it mean that people with normal, regular childhoods don’t stand a chance at greatness? Jot these questions down and ruminate upon them when you have nothing better to do.) This must’ve led his mom to a nervous breakdown – so, in a manner of speaking, little Charlie was more or less on his own. At the age of 13, Charlie landed a role as Billy the Page boy in a Stage Play themed upon Sherlock Holmes. The long and short of it is that Charlie had started walking the rickety bridge to stardom, when he stepped into his teens – he just didn’t know it yet. It was in 1910, when CC was 21 that he first arrived in the US. It was in this land of opportunities that CC first found himself working for films and during 1914/15s he was presented to the world as THE TRAMP! Who would think that a Tramp could become so popular – and a tramp that couldn’t talk at all! But it was the tramp wearing a really tight coat over a huge pair of trousers, shod with a gigantic pair of shoes who caught the fancy of people and brought them back the laughter that the First World War had stolen away. In 1919, not long after the success the tramp, Chaplin co-founded the United Artists film production company and made many more silent and talking(?) films.

A Couple of Caricatured Charlie Chaplin Highlights

(You know that I look in awkward places.)

  • Charlie Chaplin could’ve written books on wooing women…but he was too busy making films. The guy’s ability to charm the…oh well…the sandals off the feet of women has been considered mysterious, even mystical by many. I mean, how a 5 feet 5 inches “tall”, twiggily-built gentleman could do that with women who were half his age, is something that should be investigated thoroughly by the historians.
  • Charlie Chaplin sired 12 children (that’s if I counted right – I suffer from double-vision at times,) and he made the last one appear when he was a young and healthy 73! I know that a dozen kids is nothing when compared to Osama bin Laden’s 24 and Osama’s dad’s 54, but they weren’t 73 and so what amazes me is that when most playful male septuagenarians of our time include viagra in their staple diet, how did Mr. Chaplin manage this feat in the pre-viagra era.
  • Charlie Chaplin couldn’t enlist in the military because he was too short and too light – characteristics that endeared him to people the world over.
  • Charlie Chaplin made a movie called “The Great Dictator”, in which he played the role of a Jew. This movie brought academy nominations but it also ignited the controversy that CC was in part a Jew. (According to this information here, the Jewish people are the highest IQ community on this planet, and so, if he really had Jewish blood, it could have played some part in making him the legend that he was.)

Guess that’s all that I have on Charlie Chaplin 🙂 Coming up…

  • Sarah Palin
  • Shia Labeouf
  • Napoleon Bonaparte

Shafali Hitler shares Some More SEO Humor!

You may have read the SEO Humor Post that I made a while ago. While writing that post, I never thought that I’d be inspired to write another, so shortly after my first attempt at finding humor in the keywords that appear in this blog’s list.

But then what has to happen does. We can’t stop it, can we? Just like we can’t stop global warming, aging, corruption…or on the brighter side, just the way we can’t put a stop to gold-digging, cuckolding, pick-pocketing etc.; we can’t stop posts from rolling out of absurd ideas.

So here’s what I found in the treasure-chest this morning.

Search Term 1: world’s funniest drawings

My dear searcher, you reached the wrong place, didn’t you? I mean, my caricatures border on the funny – but they never go the whole way. They keep twiddling their thumbs as they stand nervously at the edge of the cliff, awash with fear – never gathering the courage to jump into the shrieking swirling waters of funny-ness. So for all the future searchers of world’s funniest drawings, I recommend that they click the “Cool Caricaturists” link on this blog, or resume their search elsewhere without wasting another minute.

Search Term 2: drawings of ugly women

What?!
Aren’t you searching for something that doesn’t exist? I mean, you could find God if you tried hard enough …but impossible to find a woman who’s ugly. If you don’t believe me, organize a random poll and ask women to rate themselves as ugly or beautiful – and check the results!

We caricaturists could make ugly caricatures of women, but women themselves are beautiful. It’s the men-folk who have a large sub-set called “ugly men”. So My Dear Sir (I don’t know why but I feel confident that this search term was born in a man’s mind,) please don’t go looking for ugly women. You are wasting your precious time on an impossible quest. Look for beautiful, pretty, lovely, wonderful, fantastic, fabulous, super, great, glamorous women instead…and you’ll be swamped!

Search Term 3: queen elizabeth’s mom princess elizabeth

I googled that information for you, dear searcher…and when I read the first line on this link, felt so optimistic that I wanted to thank you for stopping by my blog.

Why?

Well, here’s why. Queen Elizabeth II’s mom, Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon was born in 1900 and she lived to a ripe old age (and I mean really truly completely ripe) of 102 years! Wow! But believe it or not Princess Alice is going to beat Queen Elizabeth Bowes Lyon’s record!

If you haven’t seen Queen Elizabeth II’s caricature on this blog, click here.

Search Term 4: Salvador Dali’s Eyebrows

Salvador Dali’s Eyebrows?!
Are you sure that you want to look at his eyebrows and not his mustaches?!
I think you should be looking at his mustaches – they are quite a pair. Here’s Salvador Dali’s Caricature – it’ll help you appreciate why this search made me wonder whether the searcher really knew was good for him.

Search Term 5: i hate my job+cartoon

Oh…oh. I am so sorry. You really hate your job? Do you? And I agree, you do become a cartoon when you begin to hate your job. In fact, you have to be Dilbert to love your work…right? In this horrible horrible world of today, who doesn’t want to be stuck inside a cartoon strip, free from the worries of loan-repayments and medical insurance premiums.

Search Term 6: half old woman half princess cartoon

You make a good point there. I think what you should be looking for is a cartoon of an old woman OR of a princess. In her mind, every old woman is a princess that she couldn’t be in real life (except of course, those anachronisms who even in this modern world stick to being Kings, Queens, Princes, and Princesses) and, every princess – from the day she’s born becomes an old woman – because she can’t do those little things that make life so much fun…because they have to corset not just their bodies but their emotions as well.

Search Term 7: unhygienic practices cartoons

Eeeyuck!
You mean – nose-picking, @$$-scratching, ever-spitting, not-flushing…etc. etc. etc. kind of cartoons??!!
But why…and where’s the humor?

Oh…I get it. Hee hee hee!

Search Terms 8a,b,c,d: indian necked men/handsome indian naked men/indian ugly man

I am curious. Who are you dear searcher…and what exactly are you looking for. It’s clear that you want to look at an Indian Man but an indian “necked” man? What’s an Indian neck? Are you looking for a Caucasian male who’s had a neck transplant so that his neck looked Indian…or an Indian who has retained his Indian neck or had got a new neck…in any of those great shades of Indian browns?

Oh…oh. it was a typo…right? I looked at the second term and it dawned upon me that you are looking for Indian men au-naturel – and handsome ones too. Now you really need to check out my first post on SEO-matters of importance here. You may not succeed in your search, my friend of either gender.

But what’s that third term? You needed to do a Google search for that? Really? I mean all you had to do was switch channels and watch some political news!

Search Term 9: art from ajit ninan

Thanks for the reminder. I shall make the promised post about the wonderful Ajit Ninan soon:)

Search Term 10: SHAFALI HITLER!!!

No. I am not. I will not take that insult, dear Sir or Ma’am or Bot! I am, and shall remain Shafali the Artist, Shafali the Caricaturist, Shafali the Egoist. Shafali Hitler is one title that I am not going to take lying down. Beware, or I’ll let Hitler the Satan loose!

Caricature/Cartoon of Nicolas Sarkozy – the Bling Bling President of France!

The Caricaturist presents the Caricature of Nicolas Sarkozy, the President of France and the current husband of Carla Bruni.

The Caricature, Cartoon, funny drawing of Nicolas Sarkozy, the I-was-there President of France who's inspired his voodoo dolls.

I was there...I really was!

A Bling Bling Biography of Nicolas Sarkozy

Nicolas Sarkozy, was born in 1955. He grew up in a wealthy neighborhood of the Paris Suburbs. However, as his father had left his mother without any financial help, Sarkozy grew up in a family of limited means. He studied to be a lawyer and for many years he practiced law.

Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni

Carla Bruni is Sarkozi’s third wife. Sarkozi’s previous marriages had suffered from his extra-marital affairs, but this marriage is holding on though it’s rumored that both Bruni and Sarkozi sample other goods whenever they can. Nicolas Sarkozy’s and Carla Bruni’s affairs have kept the French media busy. However as both the affected parties were having their share of the fun, they must’ve decided not to let their escapades rock their marriage. The recent good news from the French Presidential Quarters is that Carla Bruni when spotted with a baby bump, announced that she was pregnant. Interestingly, Bruni’s biography at Wikipedia lists Nicolas Sarkozy as her 10th love-interest. You could question the sanctity of that number, but then her private life is her private life – 10 is the number that she’s made public.

More Bling-Bling Stuff on Sarkozy

A caricaturist thrives on abnormalities. Whatever is normal is of no consequence to someone who’s hooked to this silly art of distorting everything that she sees, hears, reads, and feels.

So here’s what I selectively saw and read:

  • He’s considered to be a protege of Jacques Chirac, former president of France, a gentleman whose caricature is due on this blog. But if he really learned from Chirac, imagine the Sarkozy-scandals that are yet to surface. However, we shouldn’t discount the fact that Chirac and Sarkozy weren’t really all that chummy.
  • Sarkozy is known to shoot from the hip (Uh…oh! Why don’t I use that idea for drawing his cartoon?)
  • Sarkozy is one cool dude. Oh yes. All you need to be a cool dude in today’s world is a Facebook page. Sarkozy has a lot more. In particular, he has to capability to use Photoshop! He posted his picture that showed him shooting from the hip and bringing the Berlin wall down (well…I’ve exaggerated it a bit. Let me whip out my artistic license…) Check out “Sarkozy was There – the Berlin Wall picture that he added to his Facebook page,” and then check out the spoof images of Sarkozy on the moon, at JFK’s assassination, and at lot of other interesting places and times in history.
  • Sarkozy loves to look good in the media, and so he’s called the “Bling Bling President” by the French Media. (I’d like to confess that I won’t mind being called the “Bling Bling Caricaturist” by the French Media. Really.)
  • The French so totally love their Bling Bling President that they have a Sarkozy Voodoo doll. Fabulous! If we had one of those for every politician of ours, we could actually get them to do some work. Believe it or not, Sarkozy thought that those dolls really worked, and so he sued the manufacturers – or could it be that he doesn’t have a sense of humor? (I hope he doesn’t get his knickers in a twist when he sees this caricature of his)

Wanted: A Cool Caption for the Caricature

I have been wondering what must be on his mind these days? Any thoughts?

I even added this thought-bubble to his picture…

What is he thinking? Caption for the Caricature Event - for French President Nicolas Sarkozy

What is he thinking?

Rock and Roll on Stranger Tides with Captain Jack Sparrow!

Quoting self:

People who use prescription glasses shouldn’t watch movies in 3D.

I watched the fourth movie in the Pirates of the Caribbean series, “On Stranger Tides”…and I watched it in 2D!

But wait. Who’s watching ME? Is he the imposter or is he Captain Jack Sparrow? Must be Johnny Depp, the guy who has been impersonating Captain Sparrow – right? Anyway, here are the eyes of this entity.

A Pen and Ink Drawing of Johnny Depp's (Captain Jack Sparrow of Pirates of the Caribbean) Eyes.

I'm watching you.

If you think that I have lost my head completely, you haven’t watched the movie. Right at the beginning of the movie, our dear dirtily dandy Captain Jack Sparrow arrives in London. Why? Well, it’s because he’s looking for someone who’s been going around telling everyone that “he” is Captain Sparrow. A sparrow she is, as we later discover, and she’s known in Hollywood as Penelope Cruz.

Do I see you with your mouth so wide open that your jaw is about to come unhinged? Didn’t you know  – PoC-4 doesn’t star Keira Knightly the thin but ethereal beauty. Instead the bulb-nosed, long-faced, funny-accented Penelope Cruz has taken her place (thankfully they called her Angelica and not Elizabeth.) She fits into the movie almost as well as Keira would fit into an XXXL gown. She looks horribly, horribly, and horribly out of place. But never mind her – you could close your eyes whenever she gave that funny smile of hers and not miss a thing!

Anyway, here’s the story.

************Spoiler’s Warning Begins**************

Don’t worry, you’ll not know a thing if you read on…so read on!

************Spoiler’s Warning Ends**************

Well, as I said earlier Captain Sparrow finds that the funny woman, who we just described, was impersonating him. This obviously infuriates him, and he plans his revenge, which would include spiriting the funny woman across stranger tides to a deserted island and leave her there, after (note…AFTER) he told her that he loved her. (What other kind of revenge would you design if you looked and moved like Captain Jack Sparrow?)

So, there wasn’t the Flying Dutchman, the Black Pearl, or even Elizabeth. But yes, there were the mermaids, the Spanish, the black magic wielding Blackbeard, and King George II.

PS: There indeed was some black magic going on in the movie. When I left the hall, two eyes followed me out.
PS2: I’ve got to stop. The eyes are watching my every move!

PS3: Though it seems impossible, yet if you haven’t seen this caricature of Johnny Depp, you should click the following image 🙂

Caricature of Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow.

Where is the cheese...Captain Sparrow?

Caricature/Cartoon – Leslie Nielsen as Count Dracula – The Vampire who couldn’t find his Bride!

In my grandmother’s house there was room full of books. It wasn’t a library. The books weren’t organized. They just lay there in heaps. Kids in our family were discouraged from reading novels, because they could distract us from studies, and so that room remained out of bounds for me for a long time, but then one summer afternoon, when my grandmother was away visiting her brother’s house for their usual card-game, I sneaked in.

 What I found was a treasure chest of books…some belonged to my grandfather, some to my grandmother, and some…to my father. In fact, I found my father’s English Reader from the time when he studied at Delhi’s Saint Columba’s and I laughed when I saw that he had made drawings (including a sketch of his English teacher) to cover every inch of blank space that was in it – something that I was always admonished for.

It was then, in that room, that I discovered Bram Stoker’s Dracula. I took the book to my room, and read it under the covers…and sometimes, even in the bathroom. I completed the book without getting caught – a rare feat, especially under the eagle-eye surveillance of my grandmother.

I can’t say that I am crazy about blood-sucking, foul-breathed, anachronistic vampires; but when I saw “Dracula: Dead and Loving it” I became a lot more patient towards them. If there were indeed a clumsy oaf of a vampire, so completely out of sync with the times of today; and if he really were as lovable as Leslie Nielsen was in this movie, I might consider inviting him to my Birthday party. (Did I go too far with that one?)

Here’s my rendition of Leslie Nielsen as the funniest Dracula the world has ever seen.

A Caricature, Cartoon, Sketch of Leslie Nielsen as Count Dracula in the Movie Dracula Dead and Loving it.

Oh, it's a mirror. I thought this is what I actually look like! 300 years in a coffin can really play havoc with your smile!!

I am at a crossroads. Should I take you through the biography of Dracula or of the charming Naked Gun Leslie Nielsen?

A bit of both, perhaps?

Count Dracula – In Fiction and In History

There indeed was a Count Dracula. Sometime during the 15th century, there lived a man so evil that he came to symbolize the ultimate in cruelty. His name was Vlad, and he became known as Vlad III the Impaler. The image that’s exploded in front of your eyes is a snapshot from the past. Vlad’s favorite form of punishment was impaling. I will spare you the gory details of the process, and also the personal history of this historical maniac – but if you are interested, you can find all about it here.

As Vlad’s family name was Dracul, he became known as the Count Dracula. The blood-sucking bits of Dracula’s story might be fiction, but it’s known that Vlad would feast in the jungle of the impaled, where he’d sit near those impaled at his orders, and enjoy a perfect meal – gloating upon the pain and misery that he had inflicted upon others. (I know…I know – he did it to those who were responsible for his father’s downfall – but I refuse to feel pity for Mr. Vlad Yikes!)

Bram Stoker wrote Dracula in the early 20th century. It’s obvious that he drew inspiration from Vlad the Sicko and the folklore of the region. His Dracula was a more colorful guy with three brides (who could be his brides or his daughters…it isn’t made clear by Mr. Stoker,) and his tendency to stick a straw in any human neck that he chances upon.

Leslie Nielsen

Leslie Nielsen was a Hollywood actor and comedian. He acted in numerous parody movies (movies that parody other movies) but he is best known for his Naked Gun series in which he played the part of Frank Drebin, the man who unknowingly leaves a trail of disaster behind him.

According to Wikipedia here,

“Nielsen appeared in over one hundred films and 1,500 television programs over the span of his career, portraying over 220 characters.”

You know how marriages and affairs interest the Caricaturist. (She could’ve been a divorce lawyer, if she weren’t a caricaturist) So, she is dying to tell you that Nielsen was an extremely well-married man who had married four times. He tied his final love-knot when he was a youthful 74, and that marriage lasted until his death, ! I hope all singles who are 74 or younger are tuned in 🙂

As a final note to this post, I recommend that people who are afraid of the dark because they expect canine-baring, blood-sucking vampires to appear out of nowhere; should watch “Dracula – Dead and Loving it!” I promise that you’ll experience a transformation – your fear will be replaced by laughter!

Caricature/Cartoon – Muammar Gaddafi – The Dictator of Libya.

Updated: October 20, 2011:

Colonel Gaddafi was killed by the Libyan Rebel Forces (now known as the Transitional Authorities) in his Hometown Sirte, on October 20, 2011. Now it’s time for Libya to prove that they can establish and maintain a democracy.

Mahatma Gandhi said,

The spirit of democracy is not a mechanical thing to be adjusted by abolition of forms. It requires change of heart.

When the first step towards democracy is soaked in blood, a change of heart isn’t easy to come by. Democracy requires a belief in peace and in non-violence, the primary reason why India has been more successful with democracy despite being the most populated of all the nations that gained their independence in the twentieth century, and despite having been born in a sea of blood. What is the belief of those who are now strapping themselves in the driver’s seat for these reborn nations? We will know in a few years. Right now it appears to be a time to celebrate.

————————————Original post follows————————————–

Presenting the self-proclaimed “King of the Kings”, the nutty dictator of Libya – Muammar Gaddafi, who’s had Libya in his claws for 40 long years – and who isn’t yet willing to loosen his grip…come blood, gore, deaths, or even international opposition!

The Caricature, Cartoon, Sketch, Portrait of Moammar Gaddafi, the Dictator of Libya!

I’ll martyr Libya. (What did I say? Oh…I meant I’ll die a martyr for Libya!)

The Highlights of Gadhafi’s Life – As seen by the Caricaturist who suffers from Tunnel Vision coupled with Multiple Blind Spots!

Muammar Al-Gaddafi, the 70-year old Libyan leader who doesn’t let go of his 40-year long hold on Libya, was born in a tent in the desert, near Sirt, a city of Libya. He received his elementary education in a madarsa. When he grew up, he joined the military academy of Libya and graduated in 1966. He became the dictator of Libya in 1969 after overthrowing King Idris and ridding Libya of the “oily-rich” monarchy. Others who helped him overthrow the monarchy became subservient to him – thus began the reign of Gaddafi.

A full political biography of Gaddafi isn’t something that I really want to suffocate my readers with, so I will stick to presenting only the essential details, which… pertain to his children. (You think there’s more to life than children? Ask any parent.) Gaddafi has eight children – 7 male! I won’t even try to write down the details of all his sons, but it’s difficult for me not to mention his fourth son, aptly called Hannibal M. Gaddafi.

The Ridiculously Important Stuff!

  1. Even with Kadafi (yes…another spelling,) Libya has one of the  highest per capita GDP in Africa – all thanks to Oil.
  2. Gaddafi worked really hard to get weapons of mass destruction from China, Pakistan, and India – and then when he saw what happened to Saddam, he did an about-turn and allowed for inspection and destruction of his own arsenal (Why? Don’t ask me – ask a Gaddafi-expert.)
  3. In 2008, Gaddafi got bestowed upon himself the title of King of the Kings of Africa, and called for the creation of the United States of Africa (which thankfully didn’t happen – or we’d be wondering where to fit the abbreviation “USA”!)
  4. Believe it or not, he was involved in at least 25 assassinations internationally, and yet…he gets to meet all the top world leaders. (Why can’t I, a law-abiding citizen of a democracy, meet them instead – I ask you.)
  5. On one hand, Gaddafi is considered an “almost terrorist” who brought Libya to a level where the US once declared it a “rogue state”; on the other hand, he has been involved in many public utility projects within Libya.
  6. In 2010, during his trip to Italy, Gaddafi asked the European women to convert to Islam (I think he’d have got a better response from men… but then I am ignorant of the finer threads of Gaddafi’s thought process.)
  7. In 2009, he  addressed the UN General Assembly, in which he called Barack Obama, “the son of Africa.” (I don’t know if the White House issued an official denial, but it did make life difficult for the US President, ultimately forcing him to produce his birth certificate to show that he was “the son of America”!)
  8. Gaddafi often contradicts himself in his speeches (all politicians do, but then unlike Gaddafi, most of them make an attempt to appear sensible.)
  9. He imposed Sharia law in Libya, in the year 1973. Accordingly, alcohol was outlawed. (Now, are you wondering how he got those bags under his eyes?)

The Present Civil Unrest in Libya

It began in February 2011 (Inspired by the Tunisian protests…as it happened elsewhere in the middle-east.) Despite the continuing battle between the Army and the Civilians, and despite the intervention of the international community, Muammar Gaddafi has refused to let go of Libya.

For more details, watch CNN.

Gaddafi’s Plastic Surgery

Moammar Gaddafi’s Quotes

It is the Libyan people’s responsibility to liquidate such scums who are distorting Libya’s image abroad.
—Gaddafi

“There are signs that Allah will grant Islam victory in Europe–without swords, without guns, without conquests. The 50 million Muslims of Europe will turn it into a Muslim continent within a few decades.” —Gaddafi

I really don’t know if the Gaddafi Quotes here are real or not…but they sure make you wonder whether the man actually has a left side to his brain.

Gaddafi’s Female Body-guards

No post on Gaddafi can be complete without a mention of his “virgin” body-guards. (Ever wonder what the interview process for recruitment of his body-guards must include?)
For a colorful collection of pictures that show his many body-guards, the various spellings of his name as a list of tags  – click this link here 🙂

And finally…

Watch the Crazy Gadhafi slideshow here, and … design a Gaddafi Costume for your next Halloween party!

Leaving to Attend the Royal Wedding – Just Received my Invitation!

Folks, I am sorry but I have to leave. I know that it’s on a very short notice, but when the Queen invites you to her dear grandson William’s wedding with Kate Middleton, you have to oblige (oops, the wrong choice of words…but I hope the Queen would understand that a delayed invitation could lead to such errors.)

Let me recount the events, which led me to make this post.

It was 5:00 AM and I was about to post the boy wizard’s caricature when I heard this knock on my door. At such an early hour, you don’t expect me to be dressed for the day, so obviously I was in my pajamas when I opened the door to a man who introduced himself as one of the Queen’s Royal Guards. He handed me the gilded wedding invitation, and apologized for the delay. According to him, first he was held up by the Taliban in the AfPak region, who mistook him for a possible Jackpot (read: an American Journalist). They released him last week, after realizing that he was just an innocent messenger.  He could have reached me the day before yesterday, but then he couldn’t get the card across the Indian custom officials – who were mesmerized by the “glitter of gold.”

I am making this post from the special jet that the Queen chartered for me. I am highly indebted to the Queen for naming this jet, “The Caricaturist One” in my honor. I extend an open invitation to the entire royal family to stay in my humble abode whenever they visit Delhi.

Here’s a scan of the invitation card (I couldn’t resist sharing it.)

Image, photograph of the golden royal wedding invitation card for Prince William's wedding with Kate Middleton.

Invitation for the Royal Wedding - 2011

Now I need to check with the guard whether it’s okay to attend the wedding in my pajamas. With such a short notice, I didn’t have time to shop for a formal gown. If I don’t get time to shop in London, and if pajamas are off the dress-code list then I hope one of the royal ladies will condescend to share her wardrobe with me – just for the occasion.

Sorry folks. Have to stop now. Just now the pilot has asked me to fasten my seat belt as we’ve entered England and would be landing soon:)

Caricature/Cartoon – Prince William and Kate Middleton – A Wedding Present to the Royal Couple!

WISHING THE ROYAL COUPLE A LONG & HAPPY MARRIED LIFE!

(Check out what the Royal Wedding Invitation Card looks like ;-))

Caricature, Cartoon, Drawing of Prince of Wales, William, and Kate Middleton - Before the British Royal Wedding.

The Royal Bond of Love - Kate Middleton and Prince William.

You are welcome to use this caricature on your blog/non-commercial website.

Prince William – A Dash of his Biography

Prince William was born on June 21, 1982. With Prince Charles as his dad and Princess Diana as his mom, Prince William possibly became famous before he was born. He could be the King of 16 states of the Commonwealth Realm, including the United Kingdom but excluding India – thanks to the Indian Freedom Struggle🙂

As it must be with those of royal lineage, the Prince stays busy with humanitarian causes (AIDS, Poverty in Africa), and sports (for charity). Read all about him at his Wikipedia page.

What interests me most about Prince Williams is the fact that he one among the 10% lefties in the world. I guess in all other things, he is one in a zillion. How many people are born princes or princesses – even if you include the worlds at the outer-realms of the universe?

Everything that you ever wanted to know about Kate Middleton

Kate Middleton was born on January 9, 1982 (older than the Prince – is she?) She’s known for winning the Jackpot (read: Prince William’s Heart.) She was William’s flatmate at the University, and they’d been dating ever since.

Her parents earlier worked with British Airways in Jordan, but later relocated to Britain. Nevertheless, the interesting bit is that her maternal ancestors were workers and miners (Please read Ken Follett’s “Fall of the Giants” for a detailed account of their lives) and in those days, a girl born in a miner’s family would probably never become the Queen! But thankfully, the times have changed, and Cinderella stories happen outside the fairy tales too.

As it happens, the moment you are slated to become a princess – you turn the best-dressed/most glamorous/most beautiful – so it happened with Kate too. She’s been topping the best-dressed celeb charts in the recent past. 

Here are some childhood pictures of Kate Middleton.  (She looks pretty in these pictures, doesn’t she?)

The William-Kate Marriage or the Royal Wedding 2011!

Let us now return to the topic of this post – William’s marriage with Kate. It’s going to happen on April 29, 2011 – and for some strange reason, everyone (including your caricaturist) is interested in following it. It’s always nice to see a normal person become a princess. And now that the Queen has become used to accepting “common” people like you and me in their family – life should be substantially easier for Kate than it was for Diana.

But I wonder…

  • Isn’t the British royalty a tad sexist? Believe it or not, Kate Middleton might be called “Her Royal Highness Princess William of Wales” especially if Prince William decides not to become a Duke, and Kate doesn’t get the title of Duchess. Now, where did “Kate Middleton” go? Do you see her in her new title? I don’t.
  • Is Kate truly happy? She might be head-over-heels in love with William, but does she have to really give up her freedom for love?
  • If a whole story begins with weight-loss programs (these days, Kate Middleton’s looking thinner than a stick,) I really don’t care to read it through. (Check this out.)

The Royal Wedding Data Sheet

Other than the fact that neither the Obamas nor I am invited to the wedding (and yet, the magnanimous caricaturist draws a wedding gift for the couple,) you may find the following bits interesting.

  1. The guests are requested (oops! “required”) to reach Westminster Abbey at 11 a.m. on April 29.
  2. They are required to wear  military uniform, tailcoat, or business suit (Can I assume that only men are invited – or that women can attend wearing bikinis?)
  3. Total Invitations: 1900 for the wedding; of the 1900, 600 for the reception; of the 600, 300 for the dinner! So, you know how “Select” you are, by assessing the extent of your invitation.
  4. The dress that Kate wears for her wedding is going to be important. You can see what the designers did to poor Diana (her Mother-in-Law,) here. Imagine a dress that would generate employment for four people for four hours – It reminds me of Chief Vitalstatistix’s shield carriers. You can just hope that Kate remembers to go to the loo before she gets into a dress like that – right? By the way, you can’t hope to influence the dress-designer into designing something more practical and comfortable for Kate, because the designer’s identity is being kept a secret.

Kate and William Wedding – Humor

But what’s this?

A Video of their marriage? (Gasp! Are they already married? Double Gasp!) But seriously, you need to look at that video – it’s hilarious!

NEWEST NEWS! – Fresh from the Royal Oven (Added: April 28, 2011)

Kate Middleton has been having nightmares in which she sees herself exchanging vows with Prince William au-naturel, naked, in the buff! In her dream she gets stern looks from the queen (naturally) and she finds herself prioritizing which part of hers she should cover first. I wonder if she got state-approval on her comment before she made it to the media, because it does conjure a colorful image of the wedding – doesn’t it?