A Depressed Woman Sketches a Cartoon Tongue Walking on Blood.

Before I return to the future and to this blog, I’d like to write a bridge post.

Here are some of the searches that my blog has received in the last two months. While I understand the seriousness of these queries, I have to share my interpretation of these searches with you.

Search Term 1: Depressed woman sketches
No. No depressed woman sketches for this blog. When this woman is depressed and she sketches, she begins to smile – you see, the depressed woman doesn’t remain depressed when she sketches, and so it’s the smiling woman that you see sketching, not the depressed one. Confused? Hop along to the next term.

Search Term 2: Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Panties
Wow. Those panties are famous, aren’t they? I mean when I wrote about the lady’s scanty panties, I thought that I was talking about something that had escaped note of others, but it appears that I was wrong. I now realize that every second person (hopefully of the male variety) is looking for Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s Panties! I believe that she should now get into the business of selling her panties. She can source panties at $2 per panty, snuggle in – wiggle out, and then sell them for $20 a panty. I can’t recall another business that operates on 90% GPM – can you?

Search Term 3: Shafali’s Caricature/Shafali’s Cartoon
This is something. Isn’t it? Folks, I know I am famous, but I am not that famous that you’d have cartoonists and caricaturists clamoring to draw my pulchritudinous physiognomy! And I am definitely not narcissistic enough to go on drawing myself.

Though in one of my previous posts, I said that my avatar looks a lot like me, I must admit doesn’t portray me too realistically. I’ve removed the third eye, the broken front upper tooth, the sharp canines, the broomstick hair, the bullet hole in my left cheek, and of course, that extra knob on my nose. I hope this description helps you visualize the real me. You are of course welcome to turn in your sketches made as per the true description given here. The best wins a special mention in a post and a … dark, deep, bloody kiss on the neck. (slurp!)

Search Term 4: Caricature Cartoon of Abhishek Bacchan by Shafali
Whew. This is what I was scared of. C’mon, dear searcher. I won’t draw the guy unless I was paid to draw him. His dad is the only Bachhan I’d draw of my own free will. Mr. Junior B will never motivate me enough, I am sorry folks but he just ain’t my cup of tea.
However, if you are really keen on a Bacchan, check out his dad, who’s still infinitely more interesting than all other Bollywood heroes put together.

Search Term 5: Caricature of a man who looks like a rat
Dear Searcher, you’ve got to be more explicit in your description. Could you please tell me the kind of rat that you want this man to look like. I mean, do you want a ratty sort of rat, or a mousey kind of cute one, or you’d like a field rat perhaps. And do tell me if you are looking for a tail too? Should I add some whiskers? And yes…one more question  – should he be inside the trap or outside it?

But before you answer all these questions tell me this. You are looking for Saddam Hussein’s caricature, aren’t you?

Search Term 6: Cartoon tongue
A cartoon tongue?!
I am speechless.

Search Term 7: Caricature of Best Boss

What doesn’t exist cannot be caricatured. – The Caricaturist.

(Note: If you have indeed seen such a creature, run for you life! He (or she) must be a mutant, an alien, a vampire, a zombie, a ghost…anything but a human. Best Bosses, even real good bosses don’t exist! Nope. Never. Nada.

Search Term 8: IITian Cartoon
Ask this gentleman, who is an IITian, a writer, and an artist too!

Search Term 9: Shafali’s Characteristics
My characteristics? Let me think.
Well. Here’s the tip of the iceberg or the top 3 items on the list.
1.    Black and White
2.    Light and Dark
3.    Sweet and Sour

But why are you interested in my characteristics? Are you worried that I might yet be another ingredient in the recipe of an anti-matter bomb?

Oh I get it. Your keyboard played a prank on you, you were looking for Shafali’s Caricatures…well, find them here 🙂

Search Term 10: Caricature walking on blood
Eeeeeyyyeeeeee! Haaaaallllpppppppp!

Search Term 11: Cartoon Dog in Nazi Uniform
The closest I could get was this.

But what my dog tells me is that when they had tried to put a dog in the Nazi uniform he bit his handler!

Search Term 12: Hair on its own
Hah! All over my house – except on my head, where I think it belongs! I hate it when my hair speaks of freedom and independence – but then it watches TV, you know.

Thank you for the inspiration, my dear searchers.

Other posts in this series:

• Shafali Hitler shares Some More SEO Humor!
• Shafali’s Cartoon, A Football Rat, and Handsome Indian Men – Some Long Tail SEO Humor!

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Cartoon/caricature Sculpture in Polymer Clay– The Devil – Satire/Story – The Devil Wants Out!

Well…here’s my Clay Caricature Number 3 – The Devil (or the Devil’s son – if you go by the story that follows the picture.) You are welcome to view my previous sculpting efforts the Harlot here and the Bald Man here.

Caricature/Cartoon in Polymer Clay. Title: "The Horned Devil" Size: 2.25" tall x 1.5" wide x 1.5" deep.

The Devil Wants Out!

(A Tiny Story/Satire – by The Caricaturist)

He sat in his room watching Bedazzled – a Devil Movie from his Hollywood collection. His father, the Devil, disapproved of all but the Devil movies – so though he disliked them he didn’t have a lot of other options. Thankfully, he rather liked this particular movie – Watching Liz Hurley play the Devil was like seeing his dad in a gown…and he found it hilarious – the buttered Popcorn, the sexy Devil and the star-struck Fraser – all made his life seem a little worthwhile, but he knew that this feeling of wholesomeness would disappear the moment the movie ended – the movie just helped him escape his reality.

His reality was Hell. He was expected to take over as the CEO of Hell when his dad retired at the end of the century – and he really didn’t want to. He didn’t like his Job Description at all. Collecting souls, sorting them, meting out the right punishment in the right measure – all this was just one part of it… the glamorous part! The other part was recruiting help, managing them, overseeing them, auditing the processes…why, just the other day he had caught a minion accepting bribe for moving a promiscuous lawyer’s spiky bed near a harlot’s fire!

He’d swap his life with anyone’s… Liz Hurley’s, Brendan Fraser’s, even Jim Carrey’s – of course he’d love to be Paris Hilton and send her here in his place, but his puritan dad would kill him if it was discovered that he traded places with a woman – and then there was the obvious bottleneck – what did Paris know of sins, and sinners, and hell? Lady Gaga was another interesting possibility what with her meat dress and her devilish attitude – but then despite the controversy there was a good chance that she too was a woman – and he didn’t want to risk making his father go berserk.

Two years ago, he would’ve happily swapped with Barack Obama, but then being a brand new politician he was a novice in the matters of hell…and today, Obama were probably stuck worse than him! That won’t work. He wanted to swap with someone who had inherited a lot of wealth because inherited wealth would help him sin and sinning would make sure that he returned to hell instead of going to heaven, which of course was out of question! He was also open to reviewing potential swaps with people in power because power too made people sin.

So he thought and he thought,  until the movie ended – but he reached no conclusion. He wanted to do something else…he didn’t want to do what the eldest son always did – run Hell efficiently…

There had to be a way out – somewhere, if not in the present, in the past – there would be someone who had it in him – who he could swap places with! As he browsed through the recorded programs on the History Channel, he found his answer.

 

He was going to swap with Adolf Hitler!

 

 

——–(ooo)——–

Caricature/Cartoon – Adolf Hitler, the Nazi Dictator, the Devil & the Devil!

Who is more evil – Adolf Hitler or the Devil?

The Devil Abdicates…

Adolf Hitler’s Biography

Adolf Hitler, the Nazi Dictator and the chief perpetrator of the Holocaust, was born on April 20th, 1889 (a black day that year) in Austria. Hitler didn’t do well in school and while his father dreamed of his becoming a government employee, he wanted to be an artist. He tried getting into the Vienna Academy of Fine Arts, but the selectors out there weren’t much impressed by his drawings. They did suggest that he could try becoming an architect (his architectural drawings were indeed better than the other stuff he did.) Unfortunately, his qualifications fell short of what was required for studying architecture.

To cut a long story short, Hitler worked on some menial jobs for a while and then he joined the German Army. It was in 1919, when a 32-year-old Hitler discovered that he has the gift of gab. Hitler’ audience often comprised rowdy thugs, but they gave him the confidence to launch the National Socialist German Workers or NAZI Party in 1920. In 1932, the NAZI party was democratically elected as the largest party, and in 1933, Hitler gained complete control of the party.

Then began the worst nightmare the world had ever seen. By 1945, the Nazis had systematically murdered 17 Million Civilians including 6 Million Jews. Other communities that were targeted by the hatred-driven Nazis were Poles, Russians, Romanis, and even people who were disabled. The atrocities that were committed by Hitler’s satanic army remain unparalleled in history. If there truly were a devil, he would bow to Hitler and abdicate in his favor!

Adolf Hitler’s Hatred for the Jews:

It’s often argued that Hitler had Jewish blood in his veins. His grandmother worked in a rich Jewish household and conceived Alois, Hitler’s father, through the one of the male members of this family. Five years after giving birth to Alois, she married Johann Georg Hiedler (or Hitler) who gave Alois his name. There’s a possibility that Hitler’s hatred for Jews was a lot personal than he ever accepted it to be.

Adolf Hitler’s Love Life:

Hitler fell in love with an Army Officer’s daughter when he was young, but her never had the nerve to speak to her. He did follow her around for a long time. In 1929, he met Eva Braun, a 17-year old starry-eyed teenager. Hitler didn’t marry Eva until two days before they committed suicide together in 1945.

Adolf Hitler’s Art:

Going by what sells in the name of art today, Hitler was a better artist than most. Unfortunately for the world, he was a better orator. In addition to being a great orator, Hitler was a man with no conscience nor empathy for his fellow beings – yet he was passionate about whatever he did – even when he killed – he killed with passion. You can see Hitler’s artwork here. (Do you notice the irony? Had this man become an artist and had been able to sell his drawings, he probably wouldn’t have become a butcher; yet, because he became the dirtiest butcher in the world, his drawings now sell!)

Adolf Hitler’s Dogs:

Hitler loved dogs – especially German Shepherds. Eva Braun once commented upon Hitler being more in love with his dogs than with her.

Adolf Hitler’s Mein Kampf:

Mein Kampf or My Struggle is Hitler’s autobiography. When you read this book, you experience the madness setting in. The first volume makes some sense while the second, none.
Mein Kampf is available here.

The Holocaust:

The mass extermination of Jews and other non-Germans by the State of Germany is called the Holocaust (it is also called the Final Solution). The extermination was carried out in phases. Men, women, and children were put into gas-chambers under the pretext of a shower, and were gassed. Children were often used as guinea-pigs for devilish experiments. People who were identified were dispatched to the Nazi concentration camps that had the motto “Work will set you free” on their gates. Auschwitz is said to be the worst of all the concentration camps.

When Hitler arrived in Hell, he must’ve put the Devil in a gas-chamber (or at least on a leash) and ruled Hell…after all, who could be more evil than Adolf Hitler?

What other Bloggers are saying about Adolf Hitler?

• Pictures of Hitler practicing his speech.
• Hitler used to receive love-notes from his women fans.
• How was Hitler’s blood-line eradicated?
• Was Hitler an Atheist?
• What if…things had gone differently for Hitler?

The Time Machine’s Stuck – I am trapped in 1942!

Dear Readers, Viewers, Commentators, and Blurkers,

I am writing from 1942! You’d recall that I was returning from the past (with mementos for all of you, of course,) when I was just 70 years away, the machine began to grunt in a pig-like fashion. It then coughed and spluttered to a stop. It was a matter of piston seizure. I had its oil changed in 200 AD and I guess the oil film broke!

I was in the times of D-Evil Hitler!

I will get the time-machine repaired, but would take me about 5 years…and so I will also be here in the past, during the times of Gandhi.

I should be back into the present by next week…but before I do, I’ll time-fax the caricatures of Hitler and Gandhi to the blog.

PS: Lady Gaga was not an aberration – I met her in the past. In one of her previous lives, Lady Gaga was a gypsy dancer. More on that later.

Until I return…then:)

Shafali, The Caricaturist.

Some date, Some month, 1942!