There’s no denying that Ebola‘s accelerating spread is a huge concern for humanity, and yet, there’s another virus in the air, one that’s been multiplying at a rate that is exponentially greater than that of Ebola. It’s called the Celebrity Nudes Virus (CNV).
According to CBS*,
The Celebrity Nudes Virus has by now spread to all the countries of the world, and the number of people infected by this virus doubles every hour. Accordingly to statistics that have been laboriously collected, classified and sifted, every man infected by this virus can potentially infect 6 others, in a matter of seconds. It has also been reported that 5 out of 6 people who get infected, are males.
Symptoms of the Celebrity Nudes Viral (CNV) Infection include:
- Lolling tongues and galloping heartbeats.
- A strong tendency to find isolated spots.
- A strong tendency to look over the shoulder while checking emails.
- Heightened creativity resulting in Celebrity Nudes Search words.
- Shortened attention-spans.
- A heartfelt feeling of gratitude for the man who started it all, affectionately called the hacker.
The man who unleashed this virus on the Internet claims that he did it for money. And yet, the poor devil, the man with a zillion dreams of a billion dollars got a measly $120 for his labors…and if we should believe him…for his investment.
This man, who CBS* has nicknamed “Father of the Celeb-nude Virus” has hacked into the iCloud accounts of 100 celebrities, including Rihanna, Kristen Dunst, and Selena Gomez, and despite the financial setback, he has no intentions of stopping. “The FBI,” he says, “is a minor inconvenience.”
Search Strings that are being used to find those Hacked Celebrity Nudes.
Following are some of the search-strings that the infected group of people have so creatively come up with.
- where are the hacked nude pictures on the web
- icloud nude celeb images posted
- stolen nude celebrity pics
- view stolen celebrity icloud photos online
- nude celebrity photos stolen online
- posted stolen celeb photos
- hacked nude celebrity pictures
- hacked cloud accounts nude pictures
- i want to see icloud hacked nude pic 2014
- leaked 100 celebrities nude images on internet
- and so on…
- and so forth!
Search terms such as these abound, despite the celebrities issuing statements on moral grounds. They’ve been condemning people who view these leaked pictures as participating thieves, because they are viewing stolen goods. CBS* spokeswoman Shafali says:
“I understand their concern. Hacking nude celebrity pictures is akin to plagiarism in the art/literary circles. The person who created the content must be fairly compensated for its use. Now that those nudes are already out there, nobody is going to want to pay to view them – so what could’ve been on the front-page of Rolling Stone or GQ and would’ve justly made the celebs and their retinues some moolah, has now resulted in $1.20 per celeb for the hacker. It’s terribly unfair to the celebrities, I suppose; but what hurts me more, is the erosion of the value of those pictures, which in fact, is also an insult to the celebrities in question.”
Most celebrities aren’t ticked off because their nudes went online – they’d love to have those pictures on the covers or the center-spreads of magazines. Just click the following link to view some nude celebrity pictures that have been shared with totally value-driven willingness, and hence puts the viewer on the right side of the ethics debate. In fact, the latest celeb to go nude for GQ is Kim Kardashian!
Miley Cyrus on Rolling Stones, Jake and Anne on Entertainment Weekly,Katy Perry on Esquire, Kim Kardashian on W, Johnny Depp on GQ (well, not exactly, but the link has him on.
The Online Media Chooses: Celebrity Nudes Virus vs. Ebola – A Google Search Infographic.
(No prizes for guessing the right answer.)
The Celebrity Nudes Virus is indubitably more contagious of the two viruses. Even Google works faster to find Celeb Nude Photos than it does to find pages that talk about Ebola. Please check the encircled statistics.
I rest my case.
In another, unrelated, unsourced news byte, CBS* has come under heavy criticism for attempting to milk the celebrity nudes scandal for their blog. The CBS spokeswoman made the following statement:
“We are in the business of creating caricatures and exaggerating deviations. We believe that the ridiculousness of the celebrity nude pictures hacking scandal has to be recorded for posterity. We are just a tiny spoke, a small blog in the scandal-mongering hinterlands of the World Wide Web. We believe that we are doing the right thing.”
CBS*: Caricatures by Shafali
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