I thought that it was OJ and I drank it. Actually, I was so thirsty that I didn’t really think, I just picked up the glass and drank all of it…and then asked for more. Whether the waiter poured more or not, I don’t recall – because I was already gone.
When I opened my eyes, I saw that I was in Professor Snape’s Potions class and…believe it or not, I was Luna Lovegood – a Ravenclaw. You won’t expect a caricaturist to be a Ravenclaw. A Griffindor perhaps, even a Hufflepuff – but definitely not a Ravenclaw. I know, you think that Hogwarts is fiction. I used to think the same, but now I know that it isn’t fiction. And I have proof.
You see, I brewed something in the potions class, and before leaving Hogwarts last night, I stashed it in my trunk. I still have it with me, and it proves that Hogwarts exists and so does magic.
I’ll present it to you soon enough, but let me tell you what it is that I brewed. I brewed Voldemort‘s diary! (What? I shouldn’t say that name! Why not? He’s no more. He died in the seventh book. Don’t you remember? <trolls!>)
So I brewed his diary…(What? No. I didn’t brew a horcrux. This was another diary that he kept, much before he had turned completely evil. And now, if you’ll please allow me to say what I had begun to say?…Thank you.)
I brewed Voldemort’s diary and guess what I must’ve found inside his diary?
I found a color portrait of Bipasha Basu!
I bet you didn’t know that young Tom Riddle was a fan a Bipasha Basu. I bet even Bips didn’t know that the Dark Lord was so smitten by her that he drew her color portraits in his diary. I am sorry for her loss of such a great fan, but I think that the world deserves to see this portrait of Bips that Voldemort drew in his diary. I’ll soon scan it and post it here on my blog.
Special Message for the Fans of Harry Potter:
I am not auctioning off the diary, so please don’t bid for it. The diary and Bipasha’s portrait stay with me.
I must also tell you that Harry Potter’s seven years in Hogwarts were spent in the future, because Tom Riddle wrote in this diary in 2013! (Confused? Nah. It must be the Confundus charm that I used on you.)