What Happened to Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s Panties?

This post doesn’t fit this blog, yet when it comes to things that don’t fit, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s panties win the show.

Before we discuss Rosie Huntington-Whitley‘s panties, we should first identify the lady in question. Rosie HW is the replacement of Megan Fox in the newest Transformers flick called Dark of the Moon. She’s 5 feet 9 inches tall and with her vital stats at 34-25-35 and her weight at 54 kgs, she’s the thinnest thing that you can witness in heels. In the Dark of the Moon she towers over Shia Labeouf who though equally tall looks like a dwarf beside her, primarily because the poor guy isn’t allowed those fancy six-inch needle-point heels that grace the spindly legs of this particular Victoria’s Secret model.

Those of you who’ve seen Dark of the Moon would vouch that one of the most interesting scenes in the movie was the first scene, in which the camera focuses on a thin-but-firm panty-clad butt undulating on the screen as the owner of the butt sashays up the staircase. The staircase has a lot many steps, and if I recall correctly, at least two turns. All this time the camera faithfully follows the butt and those tiny pair of  panties that work really hard to cover it. At the end of her apparently endless ascent the lady descends upon the sleeping form of our hero, and it’s then that we see the face of the lady and wonder – what the heck? But then a cute butt doesn’t always equal a cute face (and vice-versa) so we let it go, and try to concentrate on the movie.

But then Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s panties return to challenge my reason. They make me wonder.

What happened to Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s panties, after the scene was shot?

I am really, truly, even pathologically serious about finding an answer to this question, as the curiosity is killing me. And…before you ask…NO. I don’t want to buy them. Actually, you couldn’t even pay me to take them. This discussion is merely conceptual and is driven by the insatiable curiosity of an insane caricaturist.

Here are a few possibilities that come to my mind.

  1. The panties were given to Rosie Huntington-Whitely as a perk for running about on those wicked (ouch) heels.
  2. The panties were given as the weekly wages to an extra who worked in the movie.
  3. The panties were used to wipe the grease off  Bumblebee‘s engine.
  4. They were incinerated after the scene was shot.
  5. The panties were auctioned off to the male actors/employees and the identity of the buyer was kept a secret, because he had a jealous wife.
  6. The panties became a property of the director/producer.
  7. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley got them framed and gifted them to Shia Labeouf as a parting gift.
  8. They were rented for that particular scene, and were returned to the costume company after the scene was shot.
  9. The panties indeed belonged to Rosie Huntington-Whitley and she wore the same panties home after the shot.
  10. The panties were used to clean the camera lens for the next shot.
  11. When Rosie Huntington-Whitley jumped upon the sleeping Shia, they split and had to be thrown away, later to be salvaged by the janitor, who auctioned them off on eBay.
  12. The panties were returned to Victoria’s Secret and they secretly sold them off to an Indian celebrity who didn’t receive them in time and had to…well, go panty-less to a charity event!
  13. The panties were stolen by the mice-family and they made them into a mattress for the baby mice.
  14. The rumor-mill is also abuzz with the rumor that the panties were painted upon Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s marble butt, and they got washed away when someone spilled their glass of wine on them.
  15. Put up for sale in a Japanese panties vending machine? (Suggested by Nirnif.)

I know that I haven’t been able to cover every possibility, so I welcome your creative thoughts, and

I ask you, my valued reader…
What happened to Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s panties, after the scene was shot?

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Rock and Roll on Stranger Tides with Captain Jack Sparrow!

Quoting self:

People who use prescription glasses shouldn’t watch movies in 3D.

I watched the fourth movie in the Pirates of the Caribbean series, “On Stranger Tides”…and I watched it in 2D!

But wait. Who’s watching ME? Is he the imposter or is he Captain Jack Sparrow? Must be Johnny Depp, the guy who has been impersonating Captain Sparrow – right? Anyway, here are the eyes of this entity.

A Pen and Ink Drawing of Johnny Depp's (Captain Jack Sparrow of Pirates of the Caribbean) Eyes.

I'm watching you.

If you think that I have lost my head completely, you haven’t watched the movie. Right at the beginning of the movie, our dear dirtily dandy Captain Jack Sparrow arrives in London. Why? Well, it’s because he’s looking for someone who’s been going around telling everyone that “he” is Captain Sparrow. A sparrow she is, as we later discover, and she’s known in Hollywood as Penelope Cruz.

Do I see you with your mouth so wide open that your jaw is about to come unhinged? Didn’t you know  – PoC-4 doesn’t star Keira Knightly the thin but ethereal beauty. Instead the bulb-nosed, long-faced, funny-accented Penelope Cruz has taken her place (thankfully they called her Angelica and not Elizabeth.) She fits into the movie almost as well as Keira would fit into an XXXL gown. She looks horribly, horribly, and horribly out of place. But never mind her – you could close your eyes whenever she gave that funny smile of hers and not miss a thing!

Anyway, here’s the story.

************Spoiler’s Warning Begins**************

Don’t worry, you’ll not know a thing if you read on…so read on!

************Spoiler’s Warning Ends**************

Well, as I said earlier Captain Sparrow finds that the funny woman, who we just described, was impersonating him. This obviously infuriates him, and he plans his revenge, which would include spiriting the funny woman across stranger tides to a deserted island and leave her there, after (note…AFTER) he told her that he loved her. (What other kind of revenge would you design if you looked and moved like Captain Jack Sparrow?)

So, there wasn’t the Flying Dutchman, the Black Pearl, or even Elizabeth. But yes, there were the mermaids, the Spanish, the black magic wielding Blackbeard, and King George II.

PS: There indeed was some black magic going on in the movie. When I left the hall, two eyes followed me out.
PS2: I’ve got to stop. The eyes are watching my every move!

PS3: Though it seems impossible, yet if you haven’t seen this caricature of Johnny Depp, you should click the following image 🙂

Caricature of Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow.

Where is the cheese...Captain Sparrow?